So last night was the ESPY Awards, and you're looking at the best part of the evening: The Giants won for "Best Upset." Speaking of upset, we're a little concerned that there were more celebrities than athletes in attendance. Sure, you need some famous people to attract attention to the event, but when Trista Sutter is posing on the red carpet next to Terrell Owens, you know things have gotten out of control.
Click through for the pictures and feel free to take note of all the expendable celebrities. CONTINUED »
• Seriously, how do people like this get through life without being beaten to death? [INO]
• A new book of sex scandal stories about dead famous people will be released soon. Rest in shame! [DListed]
• Surprisingly, prima donna actors are having a difficult time on the set of Nailed, a film by David O Russel, the director known to call his actors and actresses "cunts." [PS]
• Kiefer Sutherland looks to be off the sauce. Good for him, bad for Anheuser-Busch. [CityRag]
• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have again broken up. Wah wah. [Yeeeah]
• America Ferrera, on moving Ugly Betty filming to New York: "I’m excited. I’m a little nervous too. New Yorkers are really cool." And don't you forget it, hippie! [ICYDK]
What's in a name? Unfortunately, when 45 percent of adults in America say celebrity endorsements have an influence on their feelings, a whole lot of sycophancy. Using the Social Security Administration's baby name database, we've found even more evidence to support a theory we've had for a while now: many people are malleable to a fault and willing to make major life decisions based on what's popular.
For instance, in 1991, just one year after Mariah Carey released her debut, self-titled album, Mariah was the 69th most popular girl's name in the US, an appreciable jump from its position in 1989: 563. In 2005, Angelina was the 43rd most popular girl's name; it had been 304th in 1995. Kiefer debuted at 854 in the 1990 rankings of the top 1,000 boy names; two years prior, actor Kiefer Sutherland had starred as a heroic cowboy in Young Guns. Beyonce made its first and only appearance at the 700 spot in 2001.
Of course, as you well know, pop culture won't always positively shift the public opinion. In 2007, about a year after the release of the now-canonical gay film Brokeback Mountain, the name Heath dropped from 778 to 905. In 1989, Lisa was the 55th most popular girl's name in America. That year The Simpsons debuted, and Lisa has lost popularity ever since. In 2007 it was ranked 573rd.
Not at all in the top 1,000 names in the last 100 years: Barf, Cord and Apple.
• NOW HE'S GIVING MILITARY SALUTES TO PORTRAITS OF L RON HUBBARD!!!!! [Yeeeah]
• 22-year-old Lily Allen suffered a miscarriage. No funnies about that. Let's move on. [DListed]
• Unironic mustaches: always good. [PS]
• Sarah Jessica Parker revealed to Allure that she used to be often told to get her nose "fixed." And it wasn't even broken. [INO]
• Kiefer Sutherland is getting out of the pokey on Monday after 48 days inside for DUI. Walk to work Monday, LA. [ICYDK]
• Kristin Cavallari from Laguna Hill World had a birthday party. All this time we thought she had a manufactured date. [HT]
• A drunk and busty Tara Reid retrospective. [CityRag]
• Kenya's a powder keg. Check it out. [NYT]
What a year of decadence and depravity in Hollywood, huh? Throughout the last 12 months, Lindsay Lohan went to rehab and jail, Britney Spears went to rehab, Paris Hilton went to jail, Nicole Richie went to jail, Kiefer Sutherland went to jail, Michelle Rodriguez went to jail and Anna Nicole Smith died.
We'll probably never know for sure exactly what the hell is wrong with these people (we assume it's a combination of too much fame and money and too little education), but we're almost certain their steady decline into mediocrity, criminality and early graves will not cease in 2008. The question is who will falter this year, and in what way.
Here, let us make some predictions:
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Hero torturer and eager drinker Kiefer Sutherland checked himself into the Glendale City Jail last evening.
Following a second DUI conviction, Sutherland is set to serve 48 days behind bars.
His sentence will find him in prison for his birthday, Christmas and New Year's Eve, which teeters very close to cruel and unusual punishment when imprisoning someone who likes to drink.
Kiefer Sutherland's not going to let go of his habits just because a growing criminal record suggests he should. Television's favorite torturer was seen Wednesday causing a public disturbance in our nation's capital, screaming "Washington fucking rocks!" after stumbling out of the Four Seasons hotel. The Four Seasons in Washington DC "fucking rocks"? He must have been shitfaced.
• You're telling me this guy's a drunk who puts his and others' well-being at risk? No way. [Yeeeah]
• Faced with the prospect of a string of bad movies and an untimely career death, Maya Rudolph comes back to the arthritic, unfunny arms of Saturday Night Live. [BWE]
• With support like this, huh, Rudy? [Jossip]
• They're giving Dane Cook another movie to pilot into a damn oil field. [DListed]
• Now it's news if one doesn't expose one's vagina. [HT]
• Serves her right: She trusted a guy named Cash. [ICYDK]
• Pickles and bread? Isn't that the Gwen Stefani diet? [INO]
• Stupid human tricks! These are always funny when you're drunk and tired! [CityRag]
Kiefer Sutherland has drawn the Los Angeles justice system's preeminent hard-ass, Michael Sauer, in the judge lottery. You might remember Sauer from such punitive judgments as Paris Hilton's 45 days in jail and Sutherland's first DUI bust in 2004, for which he received five years of probation. This means that Jack Bauer could very well be facing many days behind bars. Strange, because that's what got him into this whole mess. Heyooooooooo!
Last night in West Hollywood, known drunk Kiefer Sutherland was "popped," as they say, for a DUI. This is Sutherland's second DUI arrest in the past five years and, if convicted, he'll be required to serve a minimum of five days in jail. Allegedly, he blew more than twice what is allowed, much like 24.
Prepare to be horrified: America's most elite military academy has invited Kiefer Sutherland to come and speak against torture, as some of students were becoming oddly supportive of the brutal methodology of Sutherland's 24 protagonist, Jack Bauer.
…the Army is asking Kiefer Sutherland to explain to West Point cadets why they shouldn't imitate the Fox show's torture-happy protagonist…The Army is hoping Sutherland will have better luck than West Point professors, whose in-class attempts to explain that "Jack Bauer is a criminal" have yet to resonate…
…students were particularly impressed by a scene in which Bauer barges into a room where a stubborn suspect is being held, shoots him in one leg, and threatens to shoot the other if he doesn’t talk. In less than ten seconds, the suspect reveals that his associates plan to assassinate the Secretary of Defense.
This follows news that some American interrogators around the world have begun taking cues from the show for use in real prisons:
Human Rights First recently brought a West Point commander and retired military interrogators to Hollywood for meetings with producers of "24" and ABC's "Lost" to talk about their concerns about life imitating art.
One man in the meeting was Tony Lagouranis, a former U.S. Army specialist who questioned prisoners in Baghdad's infamous Abu Ghraib prison and several other facilities around Iraq. He said he saw instances of mock executions like that in "24." Once, some fellow interrogators asked an Iraqi translator to pretend he was being tortured to strike fear in a prisoner, after they had just watched a similar scene on a DVD.
This begs the question: what the hell does Kiefer Sutherland know about military tactics that he hasn't learned from his TV show? They're asking a person who plays a character to come and speak about this instead of the dozens of great military minds that already populate the campus?
Regardless, other major educational institutions have started to follow West Point's lead. Johns Hopkins Medical School just invited Patrick Dempsey to explain that emotionally relevant theme music won't spasmodically play to enhance the drama of deaths. And second years at Stanford Law were shocked when Sam Waterston broke the news that, in the real world, his brazen pursuit of justice is called "disobedience" and "contempt."
• You're in luck, Kiefer. Chicks dig depictions of violent rage. It's probably due to evolution, though. So, don't get too full of yourself. [ASL]
• Misogyny on the The L Word: "It's an entire show of women. And the amount of egos and insecurities and cattiness that can go on with a bunch of women - that's what you get." Uh oh! Don't kill the messenger. [Glitterati]
• Ummmm…wouldn't eating this cookie be kinda like making fun of taking communion? [INO]
• Booooooooring Olsen stuff. [HT]
• Ivanka v. Paris. We all lose! [TMZ]
• Jay-Z sells a different kind of Coke nowadays. His parties are now more boring because of it. [RD]
• We're looking at you, Stern. [WWTDD]
• Paparazzo profile in the Times. [NYT]
• Hugh Hefner's trying to get Victoria Beckham in Playboy's new Skeletal British Robots edition. [Egotastic]
• Muslims are pissed at 24 for misrepresenting them as terrorists. Canadians are pissed at Kiefer Sutherland for misrepresenting them as tough and strong-willed. [MSNBC]
• Richard Gere needs to meditate and take a Valium. [TMZ]
• Isaac Cohen getting free shit for being the boyfriend of a famous single mom. [DListed]
• Lohan looking stylish, even in rehab. [INO]
• "And I won't stop (looking at boobs), 'cause I can't stop (looking at boobs)." Diddy's not very subtle. [WWTDD]
• The late Adrienne Shelly's film is premiering at Sundance. [NYT]
In the eyes of many, Kiefer Sutherland is no longer anything more than a name peripherally associated with the magnificence of Jack Bauer. Even the casual 24 fan has a hard time separating Kiefer the actor from Jack Bauer the man who has saved our world and killed countless times in the name of America.
Unfortunately, Kiefer the actor has this pesky habit of getting completely wasted and acting decidedly un-Bauer. On the eve of Season Six of 24, big sib Jossip has this tale of Keifer displaying body movements that Jack Bauer would not deign to perform unless it was some sort of undercover mission that ends in the inevitable torturous bloodbath:
Kiefer Sutherland waas spotted getting wild and crazy at NYC hotspot Employees Only. Evidently inspired by some combination of Paris "Banquette" Hilton and the film Coyotee Ugly, Sutherland reportedly jumped up on the bar and started "shaking it like a polaroid picture."
Our spies tell us Kiefer Sutherland was drunk and dancing on the bar at 'Employee's Only' last night, joined improbably by REM guitarist Mike Mills.
While we don't, yet, have video of these particular drunken dancing antics, above we have a video of a 2004 Kiefer, who felt moved to jump on stage during an all-male revue (perhaps there's cred to those man-love rumors after all?) in Australia and perform a little bit of a strip tease for the crowd. Judging from the method he used to remove his socks, I can only imagine how incredible the show would have been if only security had let him finish.
[Source]
• Gisele has one true love. Is it you? [Hot Momma Gossip]
• Is this cheesy chick the reason for Jen and Vince's break-up? [DListed]
• Well, here's one thing you can do that Paris, Lindsay and Britney can't. [BWE]
• Mmm, yeah Pam, that whole marriage to Kid Rock thing may have been a rad impulsive. [A Socialite's Life]
• OMG! OMG! We are sooooo going to New Year's in Vegas! [I'm Not Obsessed]
• Nope, still not legal to hope for a Hayden Panettiere wardrobe malfunction, dude. [Egotastic]
• Jack Bauer is gearing up to kill again. [PopSugar]
Sorry to start out the morning with so much video, but this could not be ignored. This is a preview for a documentary titled I Trust You To Kill Me starring Keifer F-ing Sutherland chronicling his attempts to act as a band manager. It looks awesome. Also, some of it clearly takes place on set at 24, which rules.
[Source]
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