Oh! That there is a photograph of Jude Law "snogging" Kimberly Stewart, daughter of Rod, in Essex Saturday. They've both lost so much hair.

• Smiths reference! Can you find it? [DListed]

• Ashley Olsen takes in The Police without Lance Armstrong. Before his time? [PS]

• Sexy animals costumes are weird, because they seem to intend to promote zoophilic feelings. [HT]

• "Daddy's Little Girl" tattoo right next to the crotch. Interesting, but not! [ICYDK]

• Winehouse and Doherty: The Booziest Show on Earth! [INO]

• Paris wears a camouflage miniskirt to show solidarity with our men and women overseas. Or maybe it was just "cute." [Yeeeah]

• Get green in '08! [CityRag]

• Nick Cannon attempts to defile another beauty queen. [EBG]

• Jossip Initiatives' very own intern Whitney takes an indefensible position. Good luck, and heat up my coffee. [Queerty]

• Heidi catching a flight out of LAX and Heidi landing at LAX, all within a half an hour. The Hills is so fake, guys! Sorry. [CS]

• Already tired of Sex and the City: The Movie! [DListed]

• Chevy Chase is getting work again! Oh, happy day! [PS]

• FHM and Tara Reid: Kind of a perfect pairing. [HT]

• Help out during National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. [INO]

• The Bachelor is off to Iraq. Stars: For once, they're just like us. [ICYDK]

• A boobier "Gimme More" can be found here. [Yeeeah]

• Rhinoplasty! $200 says she's still not truly loved. [CityRag]

Whoa! Hold up, wait, are you a smart doll or a stupid woman? Do the guys who fuck you even care?

Stop the presses! While everyone was busy pondering exactly how fucking scary it is that New York City can still be crippled by a bad rain, a case of selflessness has arisen from the glittery toilet of reality television.

Citing that it would have been "demeaning to other people," Kelly Osbourne has decided to kibosh a reality television show she was set to co-star in with Kimberly Stewart. According to TMZ, "Producers wanted the glamor girls to spend time with "real people" doing "real jobs" — like garbage men and hot dog vendors — and make fun of them."

If this is the real reason Osbourne declined the show, she is to be commended. Backbone is rare when the checks are big, and it's refreshing to see someone taking charge of their career instead of arguing after the fact that they were swindled.

CONTINUED »

This is how the children of rich Englishmen get pedicures when they've never heard of the Opium Wars.

CONTINUED »

Because I'm not as quick on the shutter as I would like, here's some photos from Coachella not obtained by my hand.

I had seen Tommy Lee doofing around, and I briefly saw Tara Reid, who—don't fucking sue me—appeared to be wasted ("appeared," kay?). But the rest of these people I missed. In case you can't tell, that's Kimberly Stewart dressed up as General L'Oreal.

Here's Rod Stewart, 62, with his 16-month-old son, Alistair. Yeah, baby's cute. Yeah, dad's successful. But Rod will be 80 when that kid's 19. This means he's going to be even less physically and mentally equipped to be an active parent than he was when he had this carefree putz and his human Jell-O shot of a sister.

Hey, Rod, don't have them if you're going to be getting an IV and a sponge bath while they're spilling rum drinks on marble floors on their 13th birthday.

[Source]

Here, Kimberly Stewart exhibits the class and tact that had all the FHM readers fawning when they named her the world's Most Eligible Bacelorette.

She confessed that she is in love with pole dancing, "I get six of my girlfriends over to my place and we do pole-dancing every Sunday! It’s pretty popular right now and we all wear hot pants, it's hysterical. I would try it out in clubs - although I don't know if they'd let me!"

What a catch! And what mother wouldn't love a daughter-in-law who throws pole dancing parties on the Sabbath?

Seriously, drunk, loud girls who pole dance at clubs aren't eligible bachelorettes. They're maybe-if-I'm-really-lonely saddies who you give fake numbers to and are embarrassed to be seen with by your ex.

[Source]

• Animal lover Pamela Anderson just realizing sheepskin is leather. Not kidding. [INO]

• A couple weeks ago I said this: "If they want a "gritty" modeling show all they need is a few vodka drinks, Naomi Campbell, a meek assistant and a video camera. Shit will get fairly gritty." Looks like a producer was reading. The well-manicured fists will fly! [Jossip]

• Daryl Hannah kinda making sense on a feminist tip. [DListed]

• What's surprising isn't that Courtney Love looks like this. What's surprising is that people still want Courtney Love's autograph. [ICYDK]

• I think the thing with this girl is the dark eyes. [HT]

• George Michael's addicted to pot and finds it damaging! [Celebitchy]

• Kimberly Stewart is FHM's most eligible bachelorette? Now I know why FHM got canned. [CW]

• Scarlett using her sexiness for more than just winning Hottest Babe awards. [JJ]

This is my vote for MySpace Tom's new default photo. Just him and Rupert Murdoch looking smug (well, to be fair, Rupe's just kind of looking old, but Tom looks smug). . Caption: We're fucking rich.

Last night the barely famous were out with a vengeance at the MySpace Presents Rock for Darfur Party Benefiting Oxfam America. (Speaking of MySpace, wanna be my friend? Shameless plea for love while talking about a party supporting a good cause? Sign me up.Sigh, this never works.) Everyone looked less-than thrilled to attend the event, but, on a brighter note Kimberly Stewart looked nice. Weird.

Also, can someone please remind Jeremy Piven that he is. Forty. One. Years. Old.

• Are those apples in your shirt, or are you just happy to see me Kimberly Stewart? [DListed]

• Why are Kate Moss and Pete Doherty at the airport? Are they coming here? If so, I think we need to send out a warning for everyone to hide their stashes. [Celebrity Nation]

• Madonna is rumored to be adopting African twins. Hear that guys, they actually will be African. [Faded Youth]

• Remember when we all tried to convince ourselves that David Spade was hot enough for Heather Locklear? That was fun. [Junkiness]

• Isn't this girl like 14? Who let her get so wasted? [Bastardly]

• Help this man buy Dreamworks SKG (Though didn't they get rid of one of those letters?) with his used iPod. [CoFB]

At first glance, Mary Kate Olsen may seem like a shoo-in, but the more I stare at Kimberly Stewart's eye pits, the more I see that her toothy grin is a front for what it must take to grow up Rod Stewart's daughter.

Viting Finished. Wheee!
Mary Kate Olsen: 82% (721 Votes)
Kimberly Stewart: 18% (159 Votes)
Winner: Mary Kate Olsen

New to the Dead Eye-Off? Full story here.

It's a good thing Paris and Nicky Hilton are shopping, because it looks like Paris has run out of clothing to wear. There's no other excuse for this pink leopard print mess, none at all.

Paris certainly has questionable taste in clothing, and I've always thought men, too, but now I learn sister can't even choose a girl crush properly. Paris choosing Kimberly Stewart for anything, other than a prop to make herself look more attractive, is pretty sick. According to Sky Showbiz:

The heiress has been heaping praise on her NBF (new best friend), Rod Stewart's daughter Kimberly, and admitted having a crush on her.

"Kimberly is hysterical. She's six feet tall, blonde, beautiful and has luscious blue eyes," she told Top Of The Pops magazine.

She raved on: "She's hot. I feel so comfortable with her and I can just act like myself."

If by 'hot' Paris means busted to a point of no return, an eyesore, and makes Bai Ling look like a fashion plate, than sure. Or maybe Paris just meant 'hysterical' looking.
[Source, Source]