• Good news, everybody: The world's fattest man has consummated his marriage. [DListed]

• Alert the media! Suri Cruise is wearing a jacket! [PS]

• Gwyneth Paltrow apologizes for wearing fur because, like us, PETA scares the bejeezus out of her. [INO]

• Eva Longoria wears Spanx. Fascinating. [HT]

• Winona Ryder was rushed to the hospital after overdosing on a flight. Look, if you wanted attention you could have just asked. [Yeeeah]

• Lara Flynn Boyle looks to be a healthy weight. If she were nine years old. [ICYDK]

• Brother blog Queerty has a huge story about the inner tumult of the DNC and it's booming leader, Howard Dean. Check it out, voters. [Queerty]

• ""I like boys — a lot. I'm boy crazy." -Cameron Diaz, who is 35 [PS]

• Mariah Carey in so much pink. Who still buys her records? If it's you, please explain why in the comments. [HT]

• Because she's unemployable, Lindsay Lohan has taken to just dying her hair from brown to blond to red all day long. [INO]

• Reese Witherspoon volunteered some time in New Orleans yesterday. No jokes about that. [ICYDK]

• Lara Flynn Boyle: A sad reminder of what Jack Nicholson leaves in his wake. [Yeeeah]

• Can you tell apart the real person from their wax statue? Of course you can! It's easy, but people on the Internet like to pretend it's not to be mean. Play along! [CityRag]

• Mischa Barton is the number two best dressed. And no, that's not when the only contenders are female teenage leads from the original OC cast. [PopSugar]

• Oh, that Hiro Nakamura, his face leaves infinite caption possibilities. [Bastardly]

• Kevin Federline should probably just become a professional wrestler. Well, he's certainly got the build. [People]

• Mel Gibson loves his DUI like a precious gift from a Christian God. [DListed]

• All Jake Gyllenhaal wants for his birthday/Hannukah/Christmas is a tea set and some socks. [Defamer]

• First of all, "Will It Blend" is my favorite game ever. Second of all, I want that blender. [Egotastic]

• Lara Flynn Boyle and Jack Nicholson broke-up long enough ago that she's already married? [INO]

• For me, Black Christmas is the worst trailer of the year, but that's because I'm a pathetic guppy. [Celebitchy]

• Now let's see how long it is before some magazine is calling Lara a heifer. [US Weekly]

• Laugh at Colin Farrell's dance lessons all you want, but he could probably still kill you with one pinky finger. [PITNB]

• Okay, I give up, help save Screech's house so that I can stop having to read about this dump t-shirt campaign. [DListed]

• Even Anderson Cooper is enamored with Angelina Jolie. There's not even anything you can say wrong about that bitch. [Jossip]

• Happy 44th Birthday to Paula Abdul, everyone's favorite pill-popping emotional wreck. Take an extra percocet tonight, you deserve it, honey. [Popwatch]

• Kate Moss should probably just keep her hands away from her nose at all times, it just plain looks bad. [Bastardly]

• Does anyone even really want to see another Paris Hilton sex tape or read her diaries? I never thought I'd say this, but let the girl have some privacy. [Faded Youth]