In the wake of every celebrity tragedy there first comes the initial media firestorm; calls are made, headlines are punctuated by exclamation points and, oftentimes, inquiries are easily shattered under the weight of a simple "No comment." Next comes the speculation conjured by the silence. Because said celebrity is unwilling – or unable – to speak, "experts" of every stripe will be paraded out to offer their takes on the goings-on. (In the case of Owen Wilson's suicide attempt, expect this by tonight.) Testimony and conjecture will clog the news and last for as long as the star chooses to remain mum, at which point comes the final media step in the celebrity tragedy: The battle for the big, explanatory interview. Similar to the original news feed feeding frenzy, this is the race to get a personality face to face with the person closest to the major event, hopefully for an interview filled with weepy revelations and childhood trauma. It's all vicious and it's most definitely all predictable.
Knowing that, who's it gonna be this time around? Who do you think is going to get the "get" and be the first to ask, "Were you distraught over Kate, Owen?" The three most obvious choices are above, though I wouldn't be quick to exclude outliers like Oprah (if Wilson was black she'd be the odds-on favorite). Montel Williams pays out 8,000 to one.
Now, I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger, I'm just sayin' her and her lawyer's tightly choreographed maneuvering when faced with the question, "Did you ask him for a $9 million home?" makes her old Spice Girls routines look like arthritic lumbering.
PS What up with Larry King getting fresh with Mel B but walking on eggshells for Paris Hilton?
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A cancer ravaged Tammy Faye Messner (nee LaValley) bravely premiered on Larry King Live last evening and unabashedly proclaimed that the "gays rescued her" when she and husband Jim lost everything following his sex scandal in the late 80s. How disheartening to see anyone in such a state; but how absolutely heartbreaking to see that one of the few famously pious people in the world willing to say that gays are human and decent is uttering the words from her deathbed.
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In case you didn't know, ex-con and giggler Paris Hilton may have been lying when she told Larry King that she had never done drugs. Thankfully, the New York Daily News breaks the case wide open today, offering up unnamed sources and speculation, despite there being plenty of photographic evidence of the behavior they describe:
Multiple sources have confirmed her regular marijuana habit. She has even smoked it, several times, in the presence of a Daily News reporter.
Her pot smoking was a regular headache for those responsible for shepherding her though her schedule of celebrity appearances.
"She was always out of it during the day," says one.
Though it's difficult to take Paris' side on an issue, it needs to be said that Paris Hilton being "out of it" is not indicative of drug use. It's more a sign of a life lived without the stress required to develop common sense.
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Above is an excerpt of Paris Hilton's appearance on Larry King Live. Although the interview had the potential to be interesting and in-depth, King made sure to keep things as dry and innocuous as toast, employing his "lonely old man" questing strategy and asking to know what the jail cell looked like (Every other jail cell ever, old man!), how the food was ("…it's jail food.") and why Paris thinks she's famous (Because she's been modeling since she was 16. Duh.). Avoided were any questions that could have helped the audience understand anything.
This Wednesday, Larry King is being granted the first interview with Paris Hilton following her release from jail the day before. After a firestorm of controversy over her now defunct million dollar deal with NBC, Hilton will not be paid for this interview. You can trust that there will be about 50 to 60 sidesplitting soundbites during this interview, as watching it is going to be akin to seeing your grandfather grill your sister at Thanksgiving. Change the channel when he finds a quarter in her ear.
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• Sorry if you're seeing this right after lunch. [PotO]
• Drew Barrymore doesn't take herself too seriously. Hopefully the same goes for her boyfriend's music. Whoops. [PopSugar]
• Larry King is Beavis. [CityRag]
• Mmmm, well apparently that "relaxation" or whatever in Arizona worked fast, cause Brit Brit's back at the clubs. [X17]
• Tyrese is pretty fucked up, and that's putting it lightly. [DListed]
• Nicole Richie is losing her shit. [HollyScoop]
• Whatcha got that banana for, Mario? [A Socialite's Life]
• The Butterscotch Stallion must run free. [Us Weekly]
Well, Kathy Griffin's Larry King interview finally aired last night and while she didn't really say anything new other than the whole hubby Matt stealing $72,000 bit which we already knew, it was still kind of awesome, and a bit awkward too. Thanks to big bro Jossip, we've got the best moment of the show to share with you. Though I'm not sure I'm ready to see Kathy hit the dating scene.
She also took the time to quell any rumors of the show being fake. Aww, maybe that means she stumbled across MollyGood:
GRIFFIN: And, also you know it's — I work hard to earn that money and, you know I love what I do and stuff and so it's — it's a tough thing to get beyond.
KING: So you couldn't forgive him?
GRIFFIN: Well, we sure tried. We sure tried.
KING: Was he contrite?
GRIFFIN: He was — expressed remorse and that's why we still worked on it because, you know, we'd have good periods and bad periods and we would separate and get back together.
And one thing that does bother me is that people have written online and stuff that they didn't think the reality show was real and that the marriage was, you know, part of the show and maybe it wasn't real. In fact, I just read that online today. And the truth of the matter is we were absolutely reconciled for the part of my life where we did the reality show.
I'll take your word for it, this time, K-Griff. It's nice to see that losing that much money didn't completely bankrupt Kath. I guess D-List is better than I thought.
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