• This video of a gang of David Archuleta fans discovering the results of American Idol is both glorious and disturbing. [DListed]

• A potential new law could limit the paparazzi's access to stars near schools or hospitals. This is only, what, two years too late? [INO]

• John Mayer met Jennifer Aniston's parents. For those of you who care. [Yeeeah]

• Britney Spears might surprise everyone with a top-secret American Music Awards performance. What could possibly go wrong? [PS]

• Finally, some real men. [CityRag]

• ABC cancels three shows from its primetime lineup. Times are tough. [ICYDK]

• Good news, everybody: The world's fattest man has consummated his marriage. [DListed]

• Alert the media! Suri Cruise is wearing a jacket! [PS]

• Gwyneth Paltrow apologizes for wearing fur because, like us, PETA scares the bejeezus out of her. [INO]

• Eva Longoria wears Spanx. Fascinating. [HT]

• Winona Ryder was rushed to the hospital after overdosing on a flight. Look, if you wanted attention you could have just asked. [Yeeeah]

• Lara Flynn Boyle looks to be a healthy weight. If she were nine years old. [ICYDK]

• Who is this man and why are we just now discovering him? [Yeeeah]

• Whitney Port needs a fashion intervention. Those shoes! [ICYDK]

• A hundred movie spoilers in five minutes. [CityRag]

• Alicia Silverstone is desperately trying to get back in the spotlight by writing a book on how to be a vegan. Because Xenu knows we don't have enough celebrity-penned diet books. [INO]

• The Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kim is no stranger to being humiliated on television. [DListed]

• Jessica Simpson says she loves Tony Romo because he makes her want to be more organized. Uh, OK? [PS]

• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are celebrating two years of their creepy, bizarre marriage. [DListed]

• Amy Winehouse's drug-filled beehive is back. Everyone can relax. [ICYDK]

• Mariah Carey knows how to get the pregnancy rumor mill churning: Cover up and touch your stomach. [PS]

• Jessica Simpson continues to mutilate her face. [HT]

• Twilight star Robert Pattinson is going to have some sort of nervous breakdown in the very near future. It's inevitable. [INO]

• Life is tough for Kim Kardashian. [Yeeeah]

• Your first look at Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland. Needless to say, this movie is going to be awesome. [ICYDK]

• Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson's baby refuses to come out. We don't blame him. [PS]

• The Kardashian sisters and a washed-up Laguna Beach star posing for pictures on the beach. If that's not newsworthy, we don't know what is. [HT]

• Vivienne Westwood must be really desperate. [INO]

• The Victoria's Secret fashion show: Because there's nothing sexier than 50-pound wings attached to a 90-pound girl. [Yeeeah]

• Courtney Love spent her Sunday writing up 60 (60!) posts for her MySpace blog in a matter of hours. [DListed]

• That precious puppy cam is taking the world by storm. [DListed]

• Kanye West was arrested for assaulting a paparazzo. No, this isn't news from a couple months ago — it actually happened again. [INO]

• The Jonas Brothers make normal feuds sleep-inducing. Where are the train wrecks? [Yeeeah]

• Hilary Duff will be returning to our television screens in the near future. Well, at least she's no longer trying to sing. [ICYDK]

• Don't make a kissy face at us, Beyonce. [CityRag]

• Is it really necessary to show off this celebrity butt crack? [PS]

• Lipstick Jungle, the sad attempt at recreating Sex and the City, has been canceled. [ICYDK]

• Matthew McConaughey's son doesn't look as drugged-out as we imagined. [PS]

• Tara Reid debuts her new swimsuit line. You know it's classy and high-end, just like the designer. [HT]

• Rolling Stone's list of the 100 Greatest Singers of All-Time — and no, Kim from The Real Housewives of Atlanta didn't make the cut with her "tyrone between me and you" masterpiece. Life isn't fair. [DListed]

• Everything you didn't want to know about last night's Country Music Awards. [Yeeeah]

• Hugh Jackman admits to peeing his pants on stage. Is it strange that we still find him attractive? [INO]

• The many faces of drunk Christina Aguilera, red lipstick included. [CityRag]

• All Angelina Jolie comments aside, Jennifer Aniston's Vogue interview is a fairly good read. [PS]

• OMG you guys! Joe Jonas has a new girlfriend! Squeee! [Yeeeah]

• Jesse Metcalfe recovered from his Monaco fall just in time to be photographed in a wheelchair by the paparazzi. Stay strong, Jess. [DListed]

• Adam Sandler's a father (again). [ICYDK]

• Lauren Conrad's former Hills flame is creeping down the Hollywood ladder, as all good famewhores eventually do. [INO]

• The world's ugliest dog has passed on to the great kennel in the sky. [DListed]

• Tim Robbins had polling problems on election day, but they were all his own damn fault. [Yeeeah]

• Janet Jackson is way too busy canceling her tour to have children. [INO]

• Brooke Hogan: Still classy. [HT]

• Who in the hell invited Tyra Banks to the Glamour Women of the Year ceremony? [PS]

• Christina Aguilera has some really unfortunate-looking bangs. [ICYDK]

• Joe Scarborough accidentally dropped the f-bomb live on the air this morning. Housewives across America are traumatized, or something. [DListed]

• Angelina Jolie: Still better at life than the rest of us. [ICYDK]

• Because everyone needs an extensive knowledge of Britney Spears' tattoos. [CityRag]

• Lindsay Lohan celebrated the holiday launch of her leggings line by not wearing leggings for the first time in years. [PS]

• Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel continue to look like miserable human beings. [INO]

• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty have officially broken up. We can't imagine what could have possibly gone wrong. [Yeeeah]

• Christina Aguilera's new Target commercial is 100 times better than that bizarre "Keeps Gettin' Better" video she released. [INO]

• What in the hell kind of outfit is Whitney Port wearing and why? [PS]

• Ten invaluable life lessons from Judge Judy. Write these down. [CityRag]

• Betty Boop is coming to Broadway. Why not? [DListed]

• Brad Pitt says Angelina Jolie is the love of his life. Somewhere, Jennifer Aniston is crying. [ICYDK]

• Zac Efron on Daniel Radcliffe's Broadway "exposure": "Daniel was very ballsy." Heh. [Yeeeah]

• A live feed of puppies playing and sleeping in a box. It's one of the most adorable things we've ever seen. [DListed]

• Lisa Rinna admits to having too much work done on her face. Get out of town! Really? [INO]

• Helloooo Kate Hudson's brother. [ICYDK]

• Since when did Paris Hilton start morphing into Rebecca Romijn? [PS]

• An airline passenger was duct-taped to her seat after slapping a flight attendant on the rear and pulling a blind person's hair. Amy Winehouse? Is that you? [Yeeeah]

• Some bizarre photos of Lindsay Lohan from who knows when. [HT]

• This video of a cat trying to fit in a yogurt box is strangely captivating. [CityRag]

• Jennifer Aniston is reportedly pregnant with twins. Of course she is. [Yeeeah]

• Paris Hilton lost last night's presidential election. How did this happen?! [PS]

• Anne Hathaway's new boyfriend is about 500 steps up from her last. [INO]

• Hollywood's newest love muffin, Robert Pattinson: “I always get carried away when I’m kissing people. I just go nuts.” Swoon! [ICYDK]

• Tom Cruise plans to ruin Charlize Theron. [DListed]

• A classy update on the girl who wants to auction off her virginity, as only Tyra Banks can do. [DListed]

• Heidi Klum cutes it up in a new Guitar Hero commercial. [HT]

• Kate Winslet is upset over accusations that she was Photoshopped on the cover of Vanity Fair. We're guessing Mariah Carey has something to say on the topic. [INO]

• Starlets stripping down to fight global poverty. [Yeeeah]

• We could have gone our whole lives without hearing about Seth Rogen's shaving habits. [ICYDK]

• Oops, Victoria Beckham forgot her pants! [PS]

• It's a good thing Joaquin Phoenix decided to retire from acting, because he needs to go back to school. [Yeeeah]

• Former Bachelorette/famewhore DeAnna Pappas has called off her reality show-inspired engagement. Who here is surprised by this? [ICYDK]

• We can't figure out if Enrique Iglesias is being insecure or realistic. [INO]

• A gallery of all the celebrity offspring dressed up in their Halloween costumes, because trick or treating is way more fun with the paparazzi in tow. [PS]

• Amanda Bynes spent too much time in the tanning booth. [HT]

• Amy Winehouse checked out of the hospital last week and checked back in today. Nothing to see here, folks. [DListed]

• Sarah Jessica Parker does her civic duty and frightens others into voting for Barack Obama.[ICYDK]

• Mariah Carey actually looks like a more respectable citizen on Halloween than she does any other day. [DListed]

• Beyonce — excuse us, "Sasha Fierce" — is becoming increasingly more annoying by the day. [Yeeeah]

• Why do people still insist on using the word "maverick"? [INO]

• Suri Cruise is slowly turning into Katie Holmes, who is slowly turning into Tom Cruise. [PS]

• You can dress them up, but Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are still the most annoying couple of all time. [HT]

[Source]

• Some classy lady found herself desperate enough to marry Corey Haim. [DListed]

• Michael Jackson doesn't need a costume for Halloween. [INO]

• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson take the subway. They're still not at all like us. [PS]

• These photos of Rachel Bilson and her dog are so cute they may be able to end the war in Iraq. [HT]

• Mariah Carey is a beauty school dropout. That explains a lot. [ICYDK]

• Angelina Jolie may be jealous of Diane Kruger, Brad Pitt's newest co-star. Because that makes sense. [Yeeeah]

• Hilary Duff's new music video: "It's like a cutesy chipmunk, putting on lingerie and trying to sex you with their eyes." [DListed]

• Guy Ritchie wants custody of the children he has with Madonna. Will he let them eat sugar and wheat? [Yeeeah]

• Heidi Klum's new "Got Milk?" ad is actually pretty adorable. She can do no wrong. [HT]

• Only in NYC: Tomorrow morning Michael Jackson fans who have entirely too much time on their hands will attempt to break the world record for the most people doing the "Thriller" dance at once. [INO]

• Jessica Simpson is still trying way too hard. [PS]

• Tara Reid clears up a common misconception: "I'm not perfect." [ICYDK]