It really should be Madonna’s year. She’s got a new album out (although it’s been panned by critics and fans), she’s about to embark on an international tour this fall (to perform lyrics that include “Don’t pretend you’re not hungry, I’ve got plenty to eat / Come on in to my store, cause my sugar is sweet”), and her adoption of David Banda, once mired in controversy, is finally being made official. And then she had to come to New York.

It’s then that rumors of a romance with Yankees star Alex Rodriguez really began pouring out, forcing publicist Liz Rosenberg to repeatedly shoot them down with the excuse that they share the same manager, Guy Oseary, rather than acknowledge the long-standing trouble in her client’s marriage to Guy Ritchie. And it’s then that Madonna began taking the blame for the marital woes between A-Rod and wife Cynthia, despite the baseball player’s well-known man-about-town romancing, all of which forced Cynthia to run off to Paris to spend time with “friend” Lenny Kravitz, who just happened to once date Madonna.

And all of that’s before her brother even has a chance to make the morning show rounds to plug his tell-all book.

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Yankee stick-swinger Alex Rodriguez and his wife, Cynthia, separated yesterday following a whirlwind of rumors claiming A-Rod has been heading for home plate in late night romps with Madonna. Not one to suffer silently with Valium like a normal trophy wife, Cynthia has reportedly started dating Lenny Kravitz, the overly serious human embodiment of the word "lounge."

Both of the pinch-faced Rodriguez's are currently staying mum about the split, but Cynthia's poor mother did say – and this is not made up – "She is not!" when asked by the Daily News if her daughter was committing adultery with Kravitz.

The couple has TWO CHILDREN and more money than God, all of which we're sure they'll haggle over like rational adults during the divorce proceedings.

Schlock rocker/incense fan (we're sure of it) Lenny Kravitz has told Maxim magazine that he has been celibate for three years and is waiting until marriage to start having sex again.

Where I'm at in life, the women have got to come with something else, not just the body, but the mind and spirit. It usually trips them out, but that's the way it's going to be. I'm looking at the big picture.

Edited for Maxim, his quote will read: "Where I'm at in life, the women have got to come with something else, not just the body, but the face and lips. It usually trips them out, but that's the way it's going to be. I'm looking at the face and lips."

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Lance Armstrong defeated cancer to become a world champion cyclist several times over and ignite a nation's admiration. Similarly, Lenny Kravitz didn't let his total lack of musical ability keep him from being a self-indulgent ass who won't deign to take off his sunglasses inside and look people in the eye.

It's nice to see these two come together, inspiring as they are to both cancer patients and jerks, alike.

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• How fights between prima donnas begin. [TMZ]

• Paul McCartney's new lady friend is still married! [DListed]

• Steve Carrell is no scab. [EBG]

• Lenny Kravitz scurrying about in tight pants. Nothing more. [PS]

• Is melanoma fashionable? [HT]

• Jessica Simpson: "A Boston man is closest to a Southern man, I believe." [INO]

• Kim Kardashian celebrates that one (other) time she showed her breasts and vagina to the world. [ICYDK]

• Before he totaled his race car, subsequently injuring his good friend, Nick Hogan had been drinking. What a Hulkamaniac. [Yeeeah]

• The Critic: Gone but never, ever forgotten. [CityRag]

OK, she's beautiful and she's probably got good vinyl, but hanging out with her when she's with her dad would be like getting caught in a painstorm of tribal tattoos, Yin-Yang symbols and "heavy vibes." When he finally said, "I know of a hip Polynesian spot where some real nice cats hang," you'd be sprinting down the street before he could tell you about the funk band, going, "Not fucking worth it!"

More photos after the jump.

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I’d pay to see Lindsay Lohan in a poker tournament. She is pictured here, with a completely maniac looking Lenny Kravitz, at the GQ Celebrity Poker Tournament. Though she is not shown actually playing poker, I have a feeling that Firecrotch might dominate the table.

Paris Hilton frequents these celebrity poker events, and she most likely cheats by looking at other people’s hands with her lazy eye. Lohan seems to be taking the opposite approach by completely covering her face with over-sized sunglasses and a floppy face-covering hat. Her obviously being completely shit-faced might help her, too.

You won’t be able to read the Firecrotch’s face, but she’ll be able to read yours. Her mind works on a level of manipulation that most of us average people don’t understand. Add a few vodka tonics, and she is almost super human with her understanding of the weaknesses of everyone around her. I can see it in her droopy drug-hazed eyes.

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