Bless Lou Pearlman's heart. The musical con artist, who is currently serving 25 years in a Florida prison for conspiracy and money laundering, is truly an inspiration to all Americans — despite the fact that he's locked up, the former manager of the likes of Backstreet Boys and 'NSync is trudging onward and forming a new boy band.

The name of the future group? Biteboy. We're not even going to touch that one.

Hopefully Biteboy's members like being robbed and molested — when he wasn't stealing money from his clients, Lou was giving the boys "creepy massages and rubbing their abs to align their auras." Sign us up!

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TMZ has found a picture of a bare-chested Ryan Seacrest from before he was famous. And yes, of course the online garbage dump used this opportunity to say it's too bad alleged child molester Lou Pearlman didn't get to the young Seacrest.

BOY BAND CON ARTIST ALSO A TATTLETALE "While waiting to find out his legal fate last year in Orange County, [Lou] Pearlman listened in on another inmate's chat and put together a dossier that implicated the inmate, Davin Smith, in a cop killing. … Pearlman took detailed notes and even drew diagrams that could be 'useful' in the cops' investigation of Smith."

BYE BYE BYE "Boy band man Lou Pearlman — the guy who made the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC famous — just got 25 years in the big house for money laundering and conspiracy, among other shady s–t."

DON'T MESS WITH BOY BANDS "Lou Pearlman, best known for his work with boy bands like the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync, struck a plea deal in his federal bank fraud case and will work with prosecutors to help recover millions of dollars he is accused of stealing. Pearlman allegedly defrauded banks out of more than $100 million and stole another $300 mil from investors."

TO CATCH A PREDATOR The "mastermind" behind black boy band B2K is being accused by a former member of the group of child molestation. These allegations come only months after Lou Pearlman, the pallid, wet architect of *NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys, was accused of similar crimes. In both cases, if true, the charges are heinous and sad; but what a great step for America's race relations if we were to discover that all boy band czars, regardless of color, are creepy pederasts.

Today, Lou Pearlman defended himself against numerous allegations of child molestation, including a claim that he had wrestling matches with boys while wearing only a precariously wrapped towel:

"I think Vanity (un)Fair sought out anyone who had a lawsuit or grudge with me or my company to help make disparaging remarks…I've never owned a towel that could wrap all the way around me anyway."

Hilarious! Objection, your honor: Puns and self-effacing fat jokes too endearing. How about not guilty by reason of pleasantry?

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As you might have guessed, and as the boys' parents should have known, Lou Pearlman, the businessman behind many of the most successful, supple young entertainers of the 1990s, was also an alleged child molester. After describing Pearlman as "hog-fat," today's Page Six excerpts damning testimony taken from an upcoming Vanity Fair piece on the predatory boy band mastermind and his victims.

"I would absolutely say the guy was a sexual predator. All the talent knew what Lou's game was," Steve Mooney, an aspiring singer who was Pearlman's assistant, told VF's Bryan Burrough. "Some guys joked about it. I remember [one singer] asking me, 'Have you let Lou blow you yet?' "

Mooney said he once asked Pearlman, who was known as "Big Poppa," what it would take for him to get into a band. "I'll never forget this as long as I live. He leaned back in his chair, in his white terry cloth robe and white underwear, and spread his legs," Mooney told Burrough. "And then he said, and these were his exact words, 'You're a smart boy. Figure it out.'"

Unfortunately, it doesn't end there.

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