Family Ties

This Us Weekly-esque picture of Rielle Hunter and her baby Francis, who may or may not be John Edwards' daughter, landed on the cover of the National Enquirer thanks to one of Rielle's sisters. Nice. Of the two potential snitches, one hasn't spoken to Rielle in 15 years and has already been previously identified as an Enquirer source. Gee, we wonder which one would sell a picture to the tabloid in exchange for a pocketful of cash?

We can't wait until this whole scandal blows over and it becomes a Lifetime movie.

Aug 22, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 29 Responses

IT'S ABOUT TIME "The International Olympic Committee (IOC) confirmed to The Epoch Times today that it has asked the International Gymnastics Federation to investigate the Chinese gymnastics underage fiasco, following new evidence that at least two gymnasts competed under the legal age in the Olympics."

Aug 21, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 21 Responses
Even A Broken Clock Is Right Twice A Day

The suddenly reliable (but only when John Edwards is involved) National Enquirer is still on the hunt for more proof that the tabloid was correct in its reporting, although nobody is really arguing otherwise. This time around the mag reveals even more details about John and his alleged mistress, Rielle Hunter ??? the latter of whom was flown on a $50,000 private jet to the Virgin Islands the day before Edwards' Nightline interview. This vacation was, of course, paid for by John's pals.

And as for the poor baby involved in all of this nonsense, Rielle has refused to allow a paternity test to determine the father because she believes Edwards will marry her after his cancer-ridden wife dies. Wow, that's romantic. Also, it sounds like John might not be the baby's daddy after all. But that doesn't mean he's not a slimeball.

Aug 20, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 11 Responses
Because You Couldn't Figure That Out On Your Own

Because average Americans can't be trusted to form their own opinions, Us Weekly trotted out a polygraph expert to explain how John Edwards may not have been completely honest during last week's Nightline interview regarding his affair with Rielle Hunter. Gee, you think?

Jack Trimarco, a former FBI Unit Chief, reported that due to John's "attempts to dodge questions" and "sketchy body language," he has come to the conclusion that Edwards is a liar. Other great revelations include a phenomenon knows as a "mixed signal," which Jack says occurs when Edwards stated he would participate in a paternity test while simultaneously nodding his head "no." This is so enlightening. Also suspect is the fact that Edwards frequently repeated questions back to the interviewer before giving an answer: "When a person is getting ready to tell a lie, they repeat the question back because they need time to formulate an innocent response."

Wow, that was extremely educational. Thanks, Us!

Aug 15, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 16 Responses

SHADY BUSINESS "Just nine months before the Beijing Olympics, the Chinese government's news agency, Xinhua, reported that gymnast He Kexin was 13, which would have made her ineligible to be on the team that won a gold medal this week."

Aug 14, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 29 Responses
Hey, John? Those Supermarket Tabloids Were Right.

John Edwards had a busy weekend. After admitting he cheated on his cancer-ridden wife, the former presidential candidate offered to take a paternity test to prove he did not father mistress Rielle Hunter's five-month-old daughter. Except ??? surprise! ??? Rielle announced that she would not participate in the test, therefore leaving this whole thing a mystery. Although it's not so much a mystery when it's obvious Edwards has lots more to hide.

Click through for his smarmy Nightline interview and count the lies.

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Aug 11, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 12 Responses
No Kidding

John Edwards released a statement after admitting to cheating on his cancer-ridden wife back in 2006. You can read the entire transcript here, but most of it says what you'd expect: It was only for a short time and he's not the father of any baby — and he's willing to take the tests to prove it. He goes on:

It is inadequate to say to the people who believed in me that I am sorry, as it is inadequate to say to the people who love me that I am sorry. In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic. If you want to beat me up feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself. I have been stripped bare and will now work with everything I have to help my family and others who need my help.

It's a good thing he really had no chance against Barack or Hillary, or else the Democratic party would really be in trouble.

Aug 8, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 39 Responses
This Is Not Helping Anyone

Not content with letting her husband soak up all the spotlight, Amy Winehouse's mother has weighed in with her theories on the singer's recent hospitalization.

The truth is that Amy ended up in hospital this week because she mixed up the medication she's taking to help her come off drugs. She took a wrong tablet.

I really don't think she's using now. Being diagnosed with the early stage of emphysema was a real jolt to her. A bit of a wake-up call. Mind you, I think she does have the odd sneaky cigarette. Give her a break, she's not a miracle worker.

Poor Amy doesn't seem to stand a chance, seeing as how "crazy" and "delusional" run in her family.

[Source]

Aug 1, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 6 Responses
Of Course

We knew there was quite a bit of fiction to Amy Winehouse's rep's claim that the singer was hospitalized Monday night due to a reaction to her anti-drug medication. Luckily for us, Mitch Winehouse, Amy's father, is around to feed us even more lies.

See, his theory on the drug addict's latest hospital visit is that her drink was spiked with ecstasy by a random person. But why stop there? It could have been a ghost ??? or perhaps a bird flew by and dropped something in the drink. The possibilities are endless! Anyway, he called the police to make sure they knew about the situation, at which point the cops presumably laughed in his face.

Good luck on your hunt for the perpetrator, Mitch. While you're at it, why don't you go look for the person who got your daughter wasted on booze and (most likely) drugs this past weekend and forced her to stumble around town barefoot?

[Source]

Jul 30, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 13 Responses
Spin Spin Spin

Amy Winehouse was rushed to the emergency room last night after having a seizure, but don't fret ??? she's already been released. Her rep, Chris Goodman, is once again spinning the story the best way possible: "She was taking a new [medication] as part of her anti-drug treatment program. And it was an adverse reaction to that new drug."

First off: "Anti-drug treatment program"? We're supposed to buy that? Also, we'd be more inclined to believe Chris if he didn't have such a bad habit of painting Amy in an obviously false light. Case in point: When Amy's rep said the singer was treated for "exhaustion" last year, her father later confirmed she needed her stomach pumped due to a drug overdose.

[Source]

Jul 29, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 7 Responses

Two weeks late with the news, OK! reminds us that L.A. boutique Kitson has dropped Lauren Conrad's fashion line from its shelves. Blame poor sales — or the fact that Conrad refused to do in-store appearances to promote her own goods. But the real scandal? That Conrad didn't even design her own wares!

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Jul 28, 2008 · posted by Cord Jefferson, MollyGood · Link · 5 Responses
Room Temperature Evian Water Is A Necessity

It's no secret that Jennifer Lopez is one of the biggest divas in Hollywood, but she seems to think she's just misunderstood. Sure you are, J. Despite the fact that a rider demanding an all-white dressing room complete with 100 other inane requirements was made public a long time ago, J.Lo insists she was not responsible:

I think it's easier to make up this type of story rather than tell the truth. Like everybody in this profession, I have a list but I haven't seen mine in years. I'm sure it's got longer without me knowing it. Really, I don't have any special requests, it must be my team's doing. They know my likes and they just want me to be comfortable, but believe me, I'm a nice guest at hotels.

Of course you're a nice guest — who wouldn't be in a room catered specifically to your every whim?

[Source]

Jul 23, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 32 Responses

Reputable In Touch magazine ran a story this week claiming John Mayer hit on a woman other than Jennifer Aniston, which is neither shocking nor true, according to tattletale Us Weekly.

The other woman, 32-year-old Chaton Anderson, "tearfully told Usmagazine.com that the story 'is completely not true' and she's considering legal action against the magazine." Wow, our hearts really go out to this poor woman. It's almost like she didn't ask for all this media attention ??? except she's crying about it to another tabloid.

Anyway, Chaton says she told a friend who works for the magazine that "nothing happened" when she met Mayer "a long time ago" ??? yet suddenly a fabricated story appeared in this week's issue. In Touch? Making up stories? Nah.

[Source]

Jul 17, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 7 Responses

Rumors surrounding Madonna have been coming out of the woodwork lately, but the latest seems to be the most bizarre: Former MLB player Jose Canseco is blabbing to Us Weekly about how Madonna attempted to seduce him way back in 1991, even though he was married.

But it wasn't for Jose's steroid-induced good looks (see left) ??? Madge simply wanted a Cuban child: "We went downstairs [at her house in the Hollywood Hills] and she came over and said, 'What would you do if I kissed you?' and then sat on my lap and kissed me." She then allegedly offered to pay for him to split from his wife.

And by the way, Jose "hates A-Rod's guts" for hitting on his wife.

Uh, no. Just … no.

[Source]

Jul 10, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 10 Responses
Backfires

Remember when, like a freshman crushing on the senior star quarterback, Scarlett Johansson went around telling everyone who would listen that she and very important person Barack Obama had a blossoming e-mail relationship? In deference to those who don't recall, a couple weeks ago, the curvy Tom Waits impersonator told reporters she was "amazed" that Obama always found time to reply to her messages, which presumably went something like, "You're the best!!! And smart! Sometimes I'm embarrassed to be blonde. Did you know I'm from New York, the birthplace of Harlem? That's one of the reasons I can sympathize with your black bros and hos. Love you! Peace."

But, oh, how humiliating: Barry says Scarlett's lying!

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Jun 26, 2008 · posted by Cord Jefferson, MollyGood · Link · 19 Responses
Except Not Really

Jessica Simpson's venture into the world of country music has been successful thus far ??? if you believe the things you read in Us Weekly or hear on the radio. So just how successful is she? Well, just look at this "packed house" (yes, the interviewers actually called it that) of fans who came to see Jess in person. It's amazing that no one was injured during the riot.

Video of the craziness, complete with Jess's annoying baby voice and charming stories, after the jump.

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Jun 23, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 7 Responses

According to testimony obtained by the Associated Press, Entertainment Tonight, modern America's version of the stocks, knowingly aired a false report on Friday that claimed Angelina Jolie had given birth to twins. Anonymous sources with insider knowledge of the incident say that ET knew well before it broadcast the information that it had come from someone impersonating Jolie's assistant, but the decision was made to air it anyway. ET – of course – says the AP's information is bogus.

We don't care know who to believe, but kudos to the mystery performance artist(s?) making a mockery out of all the people getting excited over babies they'll never, ever see in real life.

Jun 5, 2008 · posted by Cord Jefferson, MollyGood · Link · Respond

JOSSIP REPORTS

How to explain how Entertainment Tonight so very badly bungled the EXCLUSIVE!!! story about Angelina Jolie giving birth last week? (And then their website "crashed"; maybe they were hiding from their screw up?)

Well, it wasn't entirely their fault.

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Jun 3, 2008 · posted by Cord Jefferson, MollyGood · Link · 1 Response