• Brooke Hogan: The epitome of class. [Yeeeah]
• Charlize Theron tells guests in her home looking for the bathroom to "take a left at the Oscar." That's actually kind of awesome. [INO]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal looks … tired. [ICYDK]
• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are sad because they have a long-distance relationship. You know what else is sad? When people can't afford to fly to see their families. Man up, you two. [PS]
• Britney Spears' sad attempt to disguise herself from the paparazzi. [DListed]
• Not as adorable as Rupert, but this little puppy will have to do for now. [CityRag]
[Source]
The Holmes backlash has been in effect for quite awhile now, what with her marrying that crazy guy and bearing his creepily-perfect alien love baby. But give credit where credit is due, Holmes isn't the worst actress in Hollywood today. (Melanie Griffith still gets work.)
Although fans of the Dark Knight were relieved when Maggie Gyllenhaal took over to play Katie's role, Holmes has always been one of those young actresses whose performance can best be described with words like "decent," "acceptable," and "passing." She was very good in Thank You For Smoking, actually. Unfortunately, as Mrs. Cruise tries to take Xenu's gospel to the Great White Way, her acceptable mediocrity isn't bowling over the Broadway audiences:
• Introducing our new favorite thing: Drunk-o-vision. [CityRag]
• The new Amy Winehouse wax statue isn't that accurate, seeing as how it leaves out the filth and blood. [ICYDK]
• Matthew Broderick is cheating on Sarah Jessica Parker. This is according to Star, so take it or leave it. [Yeeeah]
• Madonna's on the verge of a breakdown. Unfortunately, it won't be near as entertaining as Britney Spears' shenanigans. [DListed]
• Lindsay Lohan plays a waitress on the set of Ugly Betty. She should probably get as much practice as possible, considering her tendency to destroy her acting career. [PS]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal doesn't read Mollygood. [INO]
• Sorry, ladies: Pat O'Brien is getting married. Let's take a moment to honor one of the last good men with an encore presentation of his infamous voicemails. (YouTube audio NSFW) [DListed]
• Get this: Uma Thurman might be pregnant at the same time her ex-husband, Ethan Hawke, is preparing to marry a former nanny that she hired. The circle of life, Hollywood style! [Yeeeah]
• Barack Obama must be doing something right: His daughter isn't hanging out with Heidi Montag. [HT]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal threatens to leave New York City. To be honest, we didn't even know she lived here in the first place. [ICYDK]
• Alert the presses: Lindsay Lohan almost kisses Samantha Ronson. [PS]
• Eva Longoria got "ugly" for her role on Desperate Housewives. Except … she still looks pretty. [INO]
Last night a dreary and overcast New York City was treated to the premiere of The Dark Knight, which featured a black carpet. The stars of the movie and all the D-listers in attendance followed suit by dressing in the somber hue, except for a select few (Regis, we're looking at you).
Lots of pictures after the jump. CONTINUED »
The CFDA Fashion Awards, held last night at the New York Public Library, honored excellence in fashion design but also served as a venue for Victoria Beckham to crash as many photo opportunities as possible.
After the jump: How many Poshes can you find? CONTINUED »
Of course, not everyone has the luxury of being able to step over Fashion Week as if it were an errant mess on a city sidewalk. Occasionally, notable people are present for – and even active participants in – the clamorous, glamorous hubbub. To these precious few we briefly offer our attention and pity.
Are they discussing why that sexy, mature woman is still with human Pez dispenser Ashton Kutcher? Perhaps Hilary's asking her where she thinks Demi keeps the Oscar she got for Striptease, to be followed with, "Just fuckin' with you!" You decide, after the jump.
CONTINUED »
• Kate Moss' new boyfriend looks to be as well-dressed urchin as her last one. Well done. [DListed]
• Pamela Anderson adding more gross stuff to her kids to find on Google. [HT]
• Hulkster talks about Hulka-accident and fear that his lead-footed son was Hulka-dead. [INO]
• Jennifer Garner has strict policies regarding her boobs, which makes her like my frustrating high school girlfriend. [ICYDK]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal: Sex symbol? [Yeeeah]
• More likely: "Matt Dillon's Normal Maturation." [CityRag]
Being able to pull your breasts out with such nonchalance, knowing full well that there's photographers everywhere waiting to find out what color nipples you have, means that you literally place your child's well-being before your comfort. It also means that you are going to be a fucking great mother, as putting your child's well-being before your comfort is what good parenting is all about.
Explanatory pics are after the jump. Note that they're not safe for work with people offended by the even the most nonsexual displays of the female body.
CONTINUED »
• Reese and Ryan's Eva uses the valuable American Girl distraction, while Deacon is content just to contemplate his next manicure. [I'm Not Obsessed]
• Peter Sarsgaard might be going camping in the middle of New York, you never know. [Splash]
• 300,000,000 is too many people. Stop making babies. I'm looking at you, Federline-Spears'. [Metadish]
• Rebecca Romajin demonstrates why she should probably only be allowed to wear that latex X-Men suit. [Yeeeah]
• One by one, we can make this happen. [Egotastic]
• Finally, Madonna's new African baby speaks out…and boy does he already have a potty mouth. [BWE]
• Is there really a GyllenSaars baby in the house? [JustJared]
• Fergie smothered in cake batter is just as gross as you may have imagined. [JustJared]
• Lohan still loves her dirty little girl habit. [I'm Not Obsessed]
• Eva Longoria heard what a great week Saved By The Bell is having, got back in touch with ex, AC Slater. [Us Weekly]
• There's some hot doctor on some TV show I don't watch. Pshh, whatever. [A Socialite's Life]
• Someone somewhere exclusively broke the story of Tori Spelling's pregnancy. [DListed]
• Back when music videos weren't completely generic. [CityRag]
• I mean really, who hasn't thought Harrison Ford was a homeless man once or twice in their lives? [Junkiness]
So either Jake Gyllenhaal changed pants mid-shopping trip with his prego sister, Maggie, or he likes his grandpa sweater enough to wear it twice. I'm hoping for the former.
[Source]
• No matter how fast you run, Lindsay, we totally see that awful pillowcase dress and grandpa cardigan you're wearing. [X17]
• In a desperate attempt to have move women's ovaries melt upon hearing his name, Justin Timberlake makes a surprise (and highly publicised) visit to the children's ward at a NY hospital [WWTDD]
• Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson are spending labor day weekend together taking in some hot NASCAR action. Those crazy kids, just can't keep them and their little boy/girl child apart. [US Weekly]
• Natalie Portman is going, going back, back to Israel, Israel. [DListed]
• Paris Hilton will have to wear a diaper if she actually wants to go into space. Elderly men around the world comment, "That's Hot." [Junkiness]
• This story is pretty cute, but the mental image of Jake Gyllenhaal spoon feeding Maggie tiramisu while Peter Saarsgard watches is a little creepola. [A Socialite's Life]
• Just a couple of playmates getting cosy at a nightclub. Nothing to see here, move along. [I'm Not Obsessed]
• Christina Aguilera looks hot in The Advocate magazine. [HotMommaDrama]
• Tara Reid and her extensions of death are D-Nied entrance to Hyde. It's like a car wreck you can't stop watching. [TMZ]
• Matthew Broderick injured himself falling off a horse. And no, this is not a story about his sex life with Sarah Jessica Parker. [DListed]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal loves herself some Ben Stiller. [Junkiness]
• As much as women would like Brad Pitt to be more involved in their Morning After Pill rituals, he's gonna have to pass on that. [A Socialite's Life]
• After the party (Emmy Awards) were the after parties. [PopSugar]
• Speaking of the Emmys, Steve Carrell was sweating like a 40-year-old virgin about to lose it. [BWE]
• Want to feel a little better about that post-weekend booze bloat? Here are some renditions of celebs plus some serious lbs. [Velvet Hot Tub]
• Peter Sarsgaard ain't afraid of no man purse, especially when proof of his virility is on his arm. [PopSugar]
• Kate Moss is not facing drug charges because there is "not enough evidence." Pete Doherty's freedom all of a sudden makes a lot more sense. [WWTDD]
• Hilary Duff does not care about middle-aged music fans, even though they're the ones buying magazines with her pictures in them. [A Socialite's Life]
• Madonna's new music video has hit the interweb, check it out. [DListed]
• If Jennifer Lopez is photographed in a bikini and it takes a month for anyone to gossip about the pictures, does she even matter? [Novedad de Famosas]
• Brittany Murphy hears herself on the radio all the time, or at least thats what the voice in her head tell her. [Faded Youth]
Most of us who live in the normal world understand that one date does not a couple make. Unfortunately, for the rabid celebrity couple hounds (see, I conveniently leave myself out of that group) Jake Gyllenhaal and Natalie Portman are picking out china after their afternoon get together this past weekend. The two of them together would be as precious as a baby panda, but let’s not jump the gun here.
Something about this just feels staged to me:
[Jake] sat, fidgeted and frequently checked the time (inset), but brightened up with a grin when he spotted his date. They hugged, kissed, then strolled along until arriving for an early dinner at The Spotted Pig on West 11th Street, according to eyewitnesses.
Inside, the Michelin-starred gastro-pub, Gyllenhaal must have surprised Portman with the bouquet. She left the restaurant smiling and holding them - and him.
"The guy looks like he's in love," said one witness to the wooing.
Jake Gyllenhaal has never struck me as someone who wants a lot of tabloid attention. In fact, both he and Natalie Portman manage to lay pretty low. So, why, pray tell, would the two of them, out of the hundreds of restaurants in Manhattan, choose to eat at one of the three or four that is constantly full of celebrties. Every day there are sightings at The Spotted Pig. Clearly there are paparazzi staked out near the restaurant. Sure, the food is great, but you're in f-ing New York, there are always amazing options.
If they didn’t want to be seen, photographed, and talked about, Gyllenhaal and Portman would have eaten somewhere else. Ham it up for the tabloids, you two, but I better not hear any complaints about the rumors, because you planted them on purpose.
Ooooh, and now I’m supposed to let my imagination assume that the next day when Jake got together with his sister, Maggie, and her boyfriend Peter Saarsgard, pictured here, he wanted to get advice on what to do next with Natalie? I refuse to assume he is gushing about his date. Refuse, you hear. Okay fine, it would be pretty freaking cute if he was. Damn you, Hollywood, damn you.
• Kirsten Dunst in a bikini; pretty hot, but I’m fairly sure that she is so pale she’s translucent. [Egotastic]
• Judging from Brad and Angelina’s fish dinner on Saturday night, she wasn’t in labor then. And since all the labor stories are lies, she’s probably still not now. [JustJared]
• Fran Drescher for congresswoman! Nope, apparently she’s not joking. [CityRag]
• A womb grows in Cannes. I’m talking about Maggie Gyllenhaal, but I’m sure she’s not the only one. [PopSugar]
• Denise Richards and Richie Sambora frolic in Italy dreaming of Charlie Sheen’s pension money. [A Socialite’s Life]
• Blasting “pavorattis” in a crappy video game is probably the only time Kevin Federline will kill with his rhymes. [Best Week Ever]
• In honor of tonight's American Idol finale part one, here is an interview with Rhonetta Johnson, the craziest bitch Idol has ever seen. [Glitterati Gossip]
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