Magical tool David Blaine is pulling every excuse out of thin air for his failed stunt Wednesday night. First it was George W. Bush's fault (well, everything is, really). Now it's Mother Nature's fault, because she had the audacity to ruin his plans for "the most amazing ending for a stunt ever" (his words, not ours) with high winds.
Blaine said his grand finale of diving from a platform 44 feet to the ground while attached to a harness didn't go according to plan. He was supposed to jump and, at 10 feet, be swept away by a bunch of helium-filled balloons. Instead, he dangled awkwardly for a moment before disappearing in an ascent into the night sky.
Blaine said ABC, which aired the event in a two-hour special called David Blaine: Dive of Death, had encouraged him not to dive because of high winds. 'I wasn't going to let everybody down, so I just jumped, and somehow the guys with the balloons made it work, and they pulled me slowly up and I went over into the park and they pulled me down,' he said.
He went on to add that he knew the stunt had failed when his friends called him afterward to ask what happened because they were confused. DB? Those aren't your friends. That was every American idiot who sat through your ABC special. Don't get the two confused.
Hey, remember when David Blaine failed at pulling off a stupid publicity stunt? And then, instead of admitting he's just a starved-for-attention loser, he blamed the country's biggest idiot?
Um, what the hell just happened? No, seriously. I have never been more confused and at a loss for words than I am at this very moment.
I chose to witness the David Blaine Dive of Death from the comfort of my living room instead of trekking over to Central Park to hang out with Crazy Jennifer. The ABC special lasted over two hours — packed with filler and the host's false claims that David had stayed in an upside-down position for 60 hours — and Blaine still couldn't complete his stunt in time. He performed some of his world-famous card tricks, he caught a bullet in (a metal cup in) his mouth, and then he performed the Dive of Death. This DoD was never fully explained, so the DB-hating roommate and I just sat staring at the screen in utter confusion as he dove from a 44-foot-high platform while attached to a harness. He got stuck about halfway down and then was lifted back into the air. This is where things got really weird: The production crew flickered the lights on and off a few times and then cut away from David in the air, claiming he "vanished into the night." And … credits.
You know, I might have been willing to forgive David for his lack of a stunt if it ended in something truly awesome, but this? This was a waste of my time and could have been performed by a 5-year-old. I'm still confused.
[Video will be added as it is made available, but trust me ... if you stare at a dripping faucet for over two hours it will be infinitely more entertaining.]
Update: Video after the jump! CONTINUED »
There are some things we can count on: The sun comes up from the east. Heidi and Spencer show up for any red carpet event, no matter how inane. And posts about the Jonas Brothers and Clay Aiken bring out the crazies. But who knew those same weirdos would also go insane for David Blaine?
Upon our discovery that Blaine was not actually doing anything he promised during his latest stunt, rabid fan Jennifer took to the comments section to set the record straight: CONTINUED »
Upon hearing that David Blaine would idiotically be hanging upside down over Central Park for three days and two nights, I dispatched my lovely roommate Sara to witness the spectacle during her lunch break. Among her findings: "David Blaine is SUCH a little cheater."
Turns out the whole promise of hanging upside down for 60 hours straight failed to include the times he stretches his body horizontally and then stands straight up, on his own two feet, for multiple check-ups. Oh, and the whole suspension thing is a joke: Most of the time he's hovering over the ground, chatting with tourists and bystanders. So this — "he will hang upside down above New York's Central Park for three days and two nights … suspended six stories up on a highwire" — is totally false. Go figure.
Click through for the photographic evidence.
Magical idiot David Blaine is now hanging upside down above Central Park as we type, so this is a great time to discuss all of the medical dangers involved with the attention whore's stunt. We'll start with the basics: No eating or sleeping for three days and two nights. That sounds bad enough, but then come the real issues: Possible strokes, blindness, seizures or death.
Quick, somebody tell Heidi and Spencer that Us Weekly is doing an upside down photo shoot that may last a couple of days because the world-famous photographer works verrrrry slowly.
[Source]
David Blaine successfully broke the world record for breath-holding, staying underwater for 17 minutes and 4.4 seconds on today's episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show. The first part is slightly boring, unless of course you enjoy staring at someone's lifeless body floating underwater in total silence. Once he triumphantly emerges, he discusses the fact that his heart started beating irregularly, but all he could think about was breaking the record. The audience claps approvingly, much like the stupid Moment of Truth viewers who applaud stupid people doing stupid things for money and/or attention.
DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH "Magician David Blaine's latest feat of endurance likely will last less than 17 minutes, but he's planning to do it in front of talk show queen Oprah Winfrey _ and her audience of millions. Blaine on Wednesday will try to break the world record for breath-holding during a live broadcast of 'The Oprah Winfrey Show,' less than two years after going into convulsions during a similar attempt. The time he has to beat is 16 minutes and 32 seconds, a record set Feb. 10 by Switzerland's Peter Colat, according to Guinness World Records."
"Keith Richards has a warning for illusionist David Blaine ahead of his sleep-deprivation stunt - the rocker ended up with a broken nose when he stayed awake for nine days. Blaine plans to go a record-breaking 13 days without sleep later this year … Rolling Stone Richards claims he managed to stay awake for nine days back in the 1970s, thanks to a cocktail of narcotics - but the feat ended badly." That ended badly?
Hans Klok, the disappearing Dutch magician currently dazzling Vegas audiences with that magnificent hair, has come out as gay for the second time in his life. You see, though already out in Europe, Klok was advised by several Americans – including his assistant, Pamela Anderson – to lie about his sexuality.
Despite his previous success as an openly gay performer, Klok says that several people, including Anderson, advised him to hide his sexual orientation until he was better known in the U.S.
…
So, just a few days after [his show] opened on June 1st, Klok told The Howard Stern Show that he was straight.
Great advice, Pamela Anderson! It's not the red, white and blue if you don't hate yourself at least a little. And everybody knows how intolerant American audiences are of gay magicians.
A woman from Seattle is claiming that deposed King of Magic David Copperfield raped her when she was in the Bahamas. In his defense, Copperfield alleges that the consent was there, just invisible.
[Source]
Besides being a gallows for Britney Spears to hang herself – for now, just figuratively – last night's MTV Video Music Awards also proved to be a boring, insipid and massive forum for rewarding mediocrity. In short, Miss Teen South Carolina was there. Bravo, MTV!
After the jump, many, many more.
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Pamela Anderson has momentarily halted the rumor mill by publicly declaring her love for Hans Klok, the magician in whose show Anderson is performing.
The Baywatch star, whose divorce from second husband Kid Rock was finalized earlier this year (07), is currently performing as Dutchman Klok's assistant in his Planet Hollywood Hotel & Casino show, The Beauty Of Magic.
When asked by U.S. TV chat show host Craig Ferguson if she's dating Klok, Anderson replied, "There's a lot of love backstage. It's very physical, it's very loving."
The two hideous narcissists said this relationship was the best way they could think of to fuck themselves.
More of the identical couple after the jump.
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