World famous pornographer Hugh Hefner, who's somehow convinced everyone that he's better than the common street pimps who do what he does, is being forced to can Playboy staffers in both New York and Los Angeles.

Since Hefner's once reputable magazine went from interviewing people like Malcolm X to interviewing people like Pete Wentz, and since anyone interested in masturbating to pictures now has the Internet for that, Playboy the brand has seen its stock fall precipitously, from $11.40 to $2.85.

This is just the latest blow to the 83-year-old Hef's empire, which has been in a rough patch for quite sometime now. Besides being turned down by falling starlet Lindsay Lohan, it's rumored that Playboy's notorious mansion parties have a tenuous future and that two out of three of Hef's girlfriends, Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson, have ditched him for younger men (magician Criss Angel and football player Hank Baskett, respectively).

Whaddya know? Women for whom one pays have no loyalty.

Update: Whoops! Page Six reports today that Hef's final girlfriend, Bridget Marquardt, is now dating Marisa Tomei's ex.

Leonardo DiCaprio is rumored to be in talks with Hugh Hefner about creating a biopic about Hef's 81 years on the planet.

A source said: “Leo and Hugh have been friends for a long time and Leo has always been interested in Hugh’s life story. Leo thinks it would make a great movie and Hugh would love Leo to do it - on condition Hugh is alive to see it.”

Sorry, Leo, but you already made the movie about the rich guy's descent into lunacy. But instead of Ava Gardner to incessant paranoia, this one's decline is from Malcolm X to Chris Tucker.

[Source]