STARS EXERT ACTUAL EFFORT! "Jennifer Lopez completed the Nautica Malibu Triathlon in 2 hours, 23 minutes and 38.8 seconds on Sunday. The singer, 39, pumped her arms in the air and smiled broadly as she crossed the finish line of the swimming-running-biking event. 'Thank you guys so much,' she told the crowd. 'This is an amazing day. … I feel really great that we raised $127,000 for the Children's Hospital [of Los Angeles] and hopefully it'll go to good use,' Lopez added. … After finishing, Lopez joined her family and Matthew McConaughey, who came in before her, in the VIP area. McConaughey was accompanied by his girlfriend Camila Alves and their newborn son Levi. McConaughey's race time was 1 hour, 30 minutes and 44.7 seconds."

A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN "We really shouldn't be surprised at anything when it comes to Michael Jackson. But we have to admit we were shocked when we found out he'd been on a string of dates with Pamela Anderson. The odd couple seem to have bonded over their love of plastic surgery and have been hooking up in Malibu."

To where does years of drug abuse lead you, kids? To being out on your ass in a state of paranoia, that's where.

Gary Busey, longtime friend of fine Colombian cocaine, has been evicted from his Malibu home after months of failing to pay rent. Busey's landlord claims Busey owes him 50 grand, but Busey says he was simply withholding the tens of thousands of dollars until his "unclean air conditioning vents" were sanitized. Guess with whom the law sides?

If you've got a spare bed and don't mind sharing bumps, you've got a friend in need in Malibu.

We've attached a video under here of some of Busey's greatest hits. We're assuming the breathtaking ocean view in the clip is the one the now homeless Busey will be missing in a couple weeks.

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