• A Hail Mary of a non sequitur. [DListed]

• Shit luck, huh, Chuck? [BWE]

• A transparent shirt to match her transparent social motivations. [HT]

• Everything is this girl's fault. [ICYDK]

• Who knew that the Teutonic peoples could get behind such a cold, sterile bitch? [INO]

• Salma Hayek has loosed a daughter unto the world of Romance languages. [Yeeeah]

• "How Celebrities Avoid Conviction" [CityRag]

Marcia Cross just had her trailer done by a high-class interior decorator. Not her home, her 12-by-30 trailer. It's chocolate and aqua velvet. Crisp white trims. Cocoa-color seagrass walls. Espresso-color carpet. Crystal lamps. Silks and satins. Cotton leopard throw in the john. Trish McEvoy's turquoise mini-planner on the vanity. It makes the October issue of Traditional Home.

If you'd like to save up the money for your very own second (third?) home redecoration, try keeping a "swear jar" handy. With wasteful bullshit like that described above happening every single day, you'll be stomping on your animal fur bathroom throw in no time.

More after the jump.

CONTINUED »

Last evening marked the 59th Annual Emmy Awards (which I've heard were unyieldingly boring). Although they remain one of the least merit-based awards in history, the Emmys are one of the sharpest, and that should count for something.

After the jump, the gowns! Oh, the gowns!

CONTINUED »

• Jewel gives up the poetry, starts really capitalizing on her sex appeal. [HT]

• Howard's borrowing money from his parents to live. That's, of course, when he's not being escorted to the Bahamas on private jets. [DListed]

• Desperate housewife has twins. [Glitterati]

• You guys are just taking "skinny bitch" the wrong way. [People]

• "You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father." [IDLYITW]

• J Lo's coming to American Idol to show the contestants that they too can go from nothing to materialistic diva. [INO]

• Federline and Brit's mom have joined forces to make a worrying, menthol-smoking super-sitter. [ICYDK]

• Wikipedia banned as source material. Interesting step in the technological age. [NYT]

• Reader Frank wore the Borat suit! I love it! [Berger's Bash]

• Madonna's back in the states to parade around her new baby. Look for her to infest morning talk shows this week. [DListed]

• Courtney Cox and Sheryl Crow dressed up as a couple for Halloween? [CityRag]

• Hey Brandon Davis, there's another firecrotch in town. [Celebitchy]

• Jared Leto: The highlight reel. [BWE]

• Justin brings SexyBack to Europe. Man, I'm sure he's not at all sick of hearing that joke. [PopSugar]

• Ivanka Trump keeps her father's name close to her heart, wallet. [A Socialite's Life]

• Denise Richards takes her kids for pony ride. Thrilling. [I'm Not Obsessed]

• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson doing the nasty? Innnteresting. Very interesting. [Us Weekly]

• It's easier to handle Katie Holmes when she covers up those dead eyes of hers. [PopSugar]

• I'm no expert, but I think that Charlize Theron is doing okay career wise, even up against luminaries like Scarlett Johansson. Maybe it's the Oscar. [Celebitchy]

• Since when did Jessica Biel have an ass like that? [Egotastic]

• Marcia Cross decided between black and white…washer/dryer combos. [The Gilded Moose]

• What if there was a day without celebrity gossip? [Junkiness]

• Hilary Duff totally almost makes out with herself in this video. [DListed]

• Beyonce makes it to London. The terrorists have not won. [I'm Not Obsessed]

• Spears buys more child safety gear than she needs. As I always say, 'Better safe than Britney.' [A Socialite's Life]

• Richard Gere can always get a gig as a mall Santa. [DListed]

• Wouldn't have pegged Jodie Foster as our next Mel Gibson supporter. [CityRag]

• Lindsay Lohan is adamant about her boob job, but she's certainly not afraid to call out Ashlee's nose. [Celebrity Nation]

• Sure, Katie Holmes can leave the house, ya know, if she's got someone to make sure she doesn't escape. [Celebitchy]

• Marcia Cross wants to have it out with Barbara Walters, but apparently not in the sexy way. [US Weekly]

• Hilary Duff and Non-Hilary Duff hit up the premiere of the movie. It's so nice of Hil to give her sister work. [Hollywood Tuna]

• Added to the list of starlets paid to do nothing: Mischa Barton. [Egotastic]