World famous pornographer Hugh Hefner, who's somehow convinced everyone that he's better than the common street pimps who do what he does, is being forced to can Playboy staffers in both New York and Los Angeles.

Since Hefner's once reputable magazine went from interviewing people like Malcolm X to interviewing people like Pete Wentz, and since anyone interested in masturbating to pictures now has the Internet for that, Playboy the brand has seen its stock fall precipitously, from $11.40 to $2.85.

This is just the latest blow to the 83-year-old Hef's empire, which has been in a rough patch for quite sometime now. Besides being turned down by falling starlet Lindsay Lohan, it's rumored that Playboy's notorious mansion parties have a tenuous future and that two out of three of Hef's girlfriends, Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson, have ditched him for younger men (magician Criss Angel and football player Hank Baskett, respectively).

Whaddya know? Women for whom one pays have no loyalty.

Update: Whoops! Page Six reports today that Hef's final girlfriend, Bridget Marquardt, is now dating Marisa Tomei's ex.

In a logical follow up to her very, very topless role as a cheating, lonely housewife in last year's Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, 43-year-old Marisa Tomei's next film, The Wrestler, finds her playing an over-the-hill stripper. Tomei also played an attractive older siren in 2001's In the Bedroom. Looks like Hollywood's got itself a new go-to aging sexpot.

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• Marisa Tomei in lingerie. I wish everyone dressed in rhyme for the red carpet. We could have Keri Russell in a bustle, John Hurt in a skirt, Mariska Hargitay in a cardigan (that third one's a stretch). [Glitterati]

• To the tune of "Sexy Back": She's beggin' Justin back, but he don't answer 'cause the girl's a wreck. [IDLYITW]

• Tom Cruise being weird on other people's time. [INO]

• Scary Spice's sonogram. It's definitely Eddie Murphy's. I'd recognize that ultrasonic echo anywhere. [Jossip]

• Debbie Gibson making you like her again. [ICYDK]

• Want a chance to speak to amazing director John Waters? Go to Nerve and ask him anything! I recommend either something really mundane or something really grotesque. Nothing in between. [Nerve]

• Beyonce taking advantage of some vulnerable dancers like she's R. Kelly at the strip club. [TMZ]