Last evening marked the 59th Annual Emmy Awards (which I've heard were unyieldingly boring). Although they remain one of the least merit-based awards in history, the Emmys are one of the sharpest, and that should count for something.

After the jump, the gowns! Oh, the gowns!

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Let's keep doing this. Consider it an updated Goofus and Gallant.

Do cover your baby's delicate skin with large hats. Don't—yet again—give people a visual reminder of the opening through which your children passed.

I'm 25 with very little paternal instinct and even less faith that the world of the future will be any place to raise children, and this stuff seems like common sense to even me. How is she not doing better than this?

More mama under here.

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"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit."

You remember that before getting all pervy over these photos.

Aside from being a stunner, Mariska's also a benevolent angel. Fucking swoon.

[Source]

• Huge surprise: a gaudy rapper. [ASL]

• I think Love Hewitt looks fine. Lay off, it's only Ghost Whisperer. [TSW]

• Stabler and Benson playing pissed cop/pissed cop with Star Jones. [Jossip]

• Jake Gyllenhaal dating a single mom. [ICYDK]

• Federline shaves his head "extra bald" as a sign of solidarity. I'm not joking. Maybe somebody else is. [Glitterati]

• This yahoo is the Governor of California. Yep, this guy. [CityRag]

• Indian food pranksters don't care about black people. [HR]