So last night was the ESPY Awards, and you're looking at the best part of the evening: The Giants won for "Best Upset." Speaking of upset, we're a little concerned that there were more celebrities than athletes in attendance. Sure, you need some famous people to attract attention to the event, but when Trista Sutter is posing on the red carpet next to Terrell Owens, you know things have gotten out of control.

Click through for the pictures and feel free to take note of all the expendable celebrities.

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If you've ever been in Arizona in August, you know the heat becomes so intense that rolling down the window of a moving car is like aiming a blow dryer into your eyes and triple digit temperatures scorch citizens well past midnight. So that Matt Leinart is dripping sweat is not uncommon or off-putting; what is unforgivable here is that he's definitely in Scottsdale in this photo, and to those in the know that means he's surrounded by fake tans, fake boobs, t-shirts with aslant graphics, striped button-downs and vampires in real estate pimping out the last patches of desert. Being at a club in Scottsdale in the summer is actually worrisome, because the coupling of the location and the temperature make you think that you might actually be in Hell.

[Source]

Paris Hilton may not actually be handicapped, but she sure acts like it. According to Page Six, rumors about Paris have been spreading around former fling Matt Leinart's apartment complex and for once they have nothing to do with unpleasant crotch critters:

Residents of a posh Los Angeles apartment complex that's home to her boy toy, Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart, say every time she visits, the celebutard thoughtlessly pulls into the handicapped spot. "I find the reports surprising," said Paris' spokesman Elliot Mintz.

I think that Paris probably just doesn't even see handicapped people, or anyone else deemed unfit, through her carefully cultivated selective-vision. This is also an explanation as to why she acts like such a moron all the time–she thinks that she's alone because her brain does not even register the normals around her. Come to think of it, she probably does qualify as handicapped in some capacity, she just needs to apply for the plates.

[Source, Source]

I'm going to go ahead and assume that area of intersection in the Ven diagram of ESPN's Pardon the Interruption watchers and celebrity gossip rag followers is fairly small (read: me), but last night I was able to fulfill both of my loves in one glorious rumor mill–thanks to the unholy union of Paris Hilton and Matt Leinart. Substitute PTI host Jason Whitlock had this to say:

Star Magazine is reporting that the Cardinals have asked rookie quarterback Matt Leinart to tone down his late night partying with no booty-having billionare bimbo Paris Hilton. According to Star, Leinart took the warning very seriously and almost broke down in tears. According to my sources, and I'm dead serious here, the Cardinals hook hooked up with a big booty Phoenix Suns dancer two nights ago. Dan, even though I subscribe to the Bel Biv Devo theory 'never trust a big butt and a smile' I think the Cardinals have given their future star sound advice.

…Trust me. These are rock solid sources. He was out with the Phoenix Suns dancer. The thing with Paris I think is over with.

Wow, apparently Paris' scrawny ass wasn't enough to keep Matt Leinart interested for very long. Maybe he should move on to someone with a little more cushion for the pushin' like, say, the new version of Lindsay Lohan? I'd bet that when the lights are out he doesn't even notice what color is going on down there.

• Nicholas Cage may mope his way through all of his movies, but take off his shirt and you realize he is still pretty bad-ass. [JustJared]
• Christina Aguilera has already backed out of her fued with Mariah Carey. Weak catfight sauce, ladies. [WWTDD]
• Apparently Matt Leinart's new teammates aren't too impressed that he managed to bed Paris Hilton. After all, they will be sharing a shower with the guy. [The Superficial]
• Trying to steal Jay-Z from Beyonce. Rihanna, please. [D Listed]
• According to College Humor, Connie Chung is less sexy than the Flavor of Love gigls? Come on. [College Humor]