• Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox holding hands. Who didn't see that coming? [PS]

• Eva Mendes has had sex in all 50 states. Yay, America! [Yeeeah]

• Anne Hathaway secretly smokes, according to a random source. Wow, HUGE scandal. [INO]

• A lovely definition of The Shocker. [CityRag]

• Gwyneth Paltrow insists she can't diet, and it was really challenging to lose the extra 20 pregnancy pounds. Poor thing. [DListed]

• Lance Bass is considering adoption. What a lucky child. [ICYDK]

[Source]

• Have you ever stepped on a cat's tail? That's what Kat DeLuna's rendition of the National Anthem sounds like, except it goes on for two minutes. [DListed]

• Megan Fox in GQ. Men everywhere rejoice. [Yeeeah]

• What happened to Christina Aguilera? [PS]

• Heidi Montag tries on a large cross necklace covered in diamonds and poses for the paparazzi, because that's what Jesus would do. [HT]

• For those of you who forgot, the Jonas Brothers are just teenage boys and not the second coming of Xenu. [ICYDK]

• A couple made in cleanliness heaven: Mischa Barton and Josh Hartnett. [INO]

• Old school Britney loved Cheetos even back in the day. [DListed]

• Lindsay Lohan's side boob would be more exciting had we not already seen the entire thing. [HT]

• Gwen Stefani is about to give birth. Oh good, because we haven't heard any celebrity baby news lately. [ICYDK]

• Upon realizing that everyone in America hates her, Paris Hilton is taking her BFF search overseas. [PS]

• Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds decided to hold off on their wedding until after the presidential election. There's still time! [INO]

• Megan Fox will film a lesbian scene. Of course. [Yeeeah]

• Who inspires you to Rock the Vote: Christina or Madonna (or neither)? [PS]

• This is going to end well: Milo Ventimiglia is planning to propose to 18-year-old Hayden Panettiere. [INO]

• Matthew McConaughey's nephew, Miller Lite, leads a sad, sad childhood. [DListed]

• Everyone can rest easy: The great romance of the century, between Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox, is still alive. [Yeeeah]

• We still have a girl crush on Carrie Underwood. [HT]

• Audrina Patridge gets paid $5,000 an hour (plus free booze) to hang out at clubs. Life's not fair. [ICYDK]

BOOBS OBSESSING OVER THE BOOBS OF BOOBS "Jessica Simpson, who was slammed this week by Pamela Anderson for wearing a T-shirt that said 'Real Girls Eat Meat,' has gotten her revenge on the former 'Baywatch' babe by beating her to the top spot in InTouch Weekly’s 2008 Best Breast poll. Simpson’s chest was followed closely by that of Tyra Banks, Scarlett Johansson, Carmen Electra, Lindsay Lohan and Katherine Heigl. Audrina Patridge’s very own 'Hills' earned seventh spot with Jennifer Aniston, Megan Fox and Beyonce Knowles rounding out the Top 10."

Now that Megan Fox is single, you can be sure there are plenty of lonely men lining up at her door to have intelligent discussions about politics and global warming. Sadly, however, she is sure to be off the market in the very near future — a break-up isn't a break-up without some sort of rebound relationship, and we've got the perfect rundown of Hollywood men for Megan to consider.

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You'll never believe this: 22-year-old starlet – and Kanye West masturbatory fantasy – Megan Fox has decided to call off her engagement to fiancé Brian Austin Green, the 35-year-old successful actor turned unsuccessful rapper turned unsuccessful actor. According to a source, Fox, who will once again skyrocket to the forefront of chintzy directors' minds in next year's Transformers 2, has realized she is "too young" to marry someone whose career doesn't have the kind of heat hers does.

And because Bri Guy failed to seal the deal, no Optimus Prime money for him!

I'm feeling honest today, so I'm about to do something therapeutic: I'm coming clean about some things I'm ashamed to admit that I enjoy. As part of my job, I have to be judgmental and critical — but sometimes I just want to confess my undying love for the celebrities and shows the public majority views as repulsive. So here's my list of six things I'm embarrassed to reveal. Admitting my problem is the first step to recovery.

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YO! YO! YO!!!! ON THE REAL, CALL ME ANY NAME YOU WANT…ARROGANT, CONCEITED, GAY, SQUID BRAINS, BABY KNEES, MACACA, DONKEY LIPS, NIGGARDLY…ANYTHING…BUT DON'T EVER SAY I'M NOT A FUCKING MISOGYNIST!!!! SHIT!!!! FUCK! I'M TYPING SO HARD I'M ABOUT 2 BREAK MY JAPANESE COMPUTER WATCH DESIGNED BY FUCKING GRASS-FED MONKS! WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT JAPANESE HERBIVORE MONK WATCHES YOU STUPID SWATCH-HAVING BASTARDS!??? ANYWAY ASK ANYBODY THAT'S BACKSTAGE AT THE GLOW IN THE DARK TOUR…THEY KNOW I HUMILIATE WOMEN ON THE REGULAR, BABY. WHY YOU THINK I GOT THIS PICTURE OF THAT TRANSFORMERS CHICK ON HER HANDS AND KNEES ON MY BLOG?!!!!!!!!!!! AND WITH THE TEXT BUBBLE ABOUT HER BEING HORNY FOR ME? COME ONNN MANNN! THAT'S GENIUS DEGRADATION RIGHT THERE. REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE A SHORTY AND YOU EMBARRASSED THE GIRLS YOU LIKED? THIS IS MUCH MORE INSIDIOUS THAN THAT. THAT BITCH IS HAPPILY ENGAGED 2 THAT 90TO10 CLOWN!!!! BUT YOU THINK THAT'S GONNA STOP ME FROM MAKING HER LOOK LIKE A WHORE? I DON'T GIVE A FUCK, YOU MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKERS!

BLOG! GLOW IN THE BLOG!

WHAT DO SQUID ZOMBIES EAT? GIVE UP? SQUUUUIIIIIID BRAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!!!!!!!!

HATERS! HATERS! HATERS! HATERS!

OH…GOD…I'M SO UNHAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• Clearly, we should not have made jokes about Latarian Milton, who was recently been institutionalized after attacking his grandmother. [DListed]

• Angelina Jolie has confirmed she's having twins, which the tabloids did months ago. It's time for celebrities to stop letting the tabloids they claim to hate so much be right. [PS]

• "Reese Witherspoon And Jake Gyllenhaal Are Ready To Wed." Guess what: You're not invited to the wedding, so don't care about it. [INO]

• Megan Fox was once so poor she was forced to have hairy legs. Oh, gawd! That's almost as bad as being so poor you can't eat food. [ICYDK]

• Lohan + Ronson + hickeys = speculation [CityRag]

• "Mariah Carey Has Baby Fever." Uh, no duh—why do think she likes Nick Cannon? Zuh-ing. [Yeeeah]

Megan Fox, flash in the pan and this month's Christopher Amueroso Presents Paw Print cover model, has been named by FHM as the sexiest woman in the entire world. Bad choice, and the rest of the list gets no better: Paris Hilton, racist, comes in at 77th, and the doltish Kim Kardashian is number 17. The lad mag's pick for 100th sexiest is Britney Spears, which is ridiculous and they fucking know it.

• Somebody get the host of this show an Emmy! [DListed]

• A gossip magazine is reporting that Katie Holmes is sick and tired of gossip magazines reporting about her. [INO]

• Megan Fox is on the cover of Christopher Amueroso Presents Paw Print, posed with a real fox. Out of frame is the shark that she's jumped. Bye, Megan Fox. [HT]

• Orlando Brown, star of That's So Raven, has gone missing. [ICYDK]

• "Hot men who look like lesbians" [CityRag]

• George Clooney is tired, just like Leatherheads. Zing! [PS]

• Honestly, this imploration is one of great weight and applicability: "Get a life and stop jackin' it."[BWE]

• Owen Wilson tried to kill himself and then got the girl back! See, Dr Abbot, it does work. [DListed]

• Megan Fox's photo shoots are getting nakeder, as are her handlers' intentions for her. [HT]

• Hey, it's Christina Aguilera's famous boobs again. [INO]

• Why is Britney Spears even practicing dancing anymore? [ICYDK]

• Amy Winehouse is coming out with a makeup line. Try it and let us know if it gives you hepatitis. [Yeeeah]

• "10 Badass Moments of the Wussiest Characters!"[CityRag]

How long until Megan Fox realizes what it means that her Milanese fashion show invites never ask her to bring her fiancé, Brian Austin Green? And when she does, what goes: the fashion or the passion?

[Source]

Besides being a gallows for Britney Spears to hang herself – for now, just figuratively – last night's MTV Video Music Awards also proved to be a boring, insipid and massive forum for rewarding mediocrity. In short, Miss Teen South Carolina was there. Bravo, MTV!

After the jump, many, many more.

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• Color Me Drunkk! How did this guy get his face to stay the same while his body aged 46 years? [BWE]

• Alba might have herpes. I wasn't going to tell anyone, but since the cat's out of the bag: That's why I haven't been returning her phone calls. [DListed]

• Paris is a narcissist, and that's the best thing about her. [HT]

• Did Winehouse OD? [ICYDK]

• Scary Spice is now Married Spice. [Yeeeah]

• Fox vs Lohan. For some reason, I'm taking Fox in this race. [CityRag]

• When they're not armed, gullible people are funny. [CH via CityRag]

• Paris is again trying her hand at singing. Lucky us! [DListed]

• Celebrity Math divides—and then conquers—Dunst. [BWE]

• Tara Reid once again proving why cosmetic surgery is usually wasteful bullshit. [HT]

• Megan Fox pulling a Jessica Simpson. [ICYDK]

• Finally, something besides The Critic for which you can love Jon Lovitz. [Yeeeah]

The worst joke in that torturous one-trick pony Zoolander ("OK, I get it—he's stupid.") was Blue Steel. Aside from being not funny, "the signature look" thing was repetitive and completely absurd. That is, until I saw this photo, which makes me think that people actually do have signature looks. And just like that, dry bit becomes sad, surreal reality.

More signature looks under here.

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