ONE BIG, WEIRD, WASHED-UP PARTY "Michael Jackson is set to make a comeback with golden oldie boyband New Kids On The Block. The King of Pop had secret talks about the link-up with the band's stars at his home in Nevada last week. New Kids singer Donny Wahlberg, 38, said: 'It's very exciting. It's one big party and everyone wants to join us.'" Let us remind you: Michael Jackson will never have a comeback. Ever.
Somehow, no matter what sort of insane costume Michael Jackson is sporting — in this case it’s sunglasses, a rasta wig, a surgical mask, pajamas, a trucker hat, and a wheelchair — he still manages to look exactly like Michael Jackson.
If you needed more proof that television is in an abysmal state, Joe Jackson, the patriarch of one of the most dysfunctional families in Hollywood, is bringing his brand of crazy to your small screen. Joe will have a film crew in tow as he attempts to reunite his sons one last time (sorry, Janet) and develops a clothing line (??). This really sounds like the worst idea ever.
And if you had any doubt this guy was absolutely insane, he solidifies it:
Being the father of all of the Jacksons, it is the father who is putting the Jacksons back together, father knows best.
Sounds like the ramblings of a totally sane person.
[Source]
Michael Jackson, 49, … is working on a new clothing line with Ed Hardy designer Christian Audigier. 'It's still in the developing stages, but it's going to be big,' an insider tells Life & Style. 'This will be a major comeback for Michael.'"
The above is a lie, and it's one we've heard before. By our calculations, ever since the release of his last reasonably solid record, 1991's Dangerous, which moved over 14 million copies, Michael Jackson has been on the verge of a comeback 237,000 times; each one ushered in with all the theatrics of "Thriller" before sputtering out as quietly and wimpily as "The Girl Is Mine."
It's about time everyone quit kidding themselves. As lifelong MJ fans, it pains us to say it, but his chances of staging an authentic comeback are as good as his chances of beating Michael Jordan in that one-on-one game. "Why?" you ask. Let us count the ways…
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La Toya Jackson hung out in Germany yesterday at what we can only hope was an anti-plastic surgery rally. At least, we think it was La Toya — it could be Michael with a wig for all we know.
[Source]
The mediocre but meteorically successful band Fall Out Boy — for whom Pete Wentz plays bass and flat-irons his bangs — has covered and subsequently tainted the Michael Jackson-Quincy Jones classic "Beat It." If you're a true MJ fan, it's a disaster. And not only is the music awful, FOB's video pales in comparison to the dazzling productions Jackson used to create. Click through to be disappointed.
PERFECT FOR PEDOPHILES "Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch is set [to] be sold at auction on March 19. … Unless he pays off $24,525,906.61 by that date, a public auction will go forward. It's not just the house either. When Neverland is auctioned, it will include everything: all personal property inside, all fixtures and appliances, furniture, and 'all merry go round type devices,' any rides, games.
We've come across yet another leaked song from the 25th anniversary re-release of Thriller. The unfortunately named "Got the Hots" is actually good, unlike that throwaway ballad we played for you last week. Of course, as America seems to have an embargo on good music, "Hots" is only being offered on the Japanese version of the new Thriller; so just listen to it here, dance, and remember a reasonably normal MJ.
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt — seen here scoring a free Xbox, because we're sure all those paparazzi photos haven't paid that well — continue their tour of disillusion. We're not sure if Heidi is just really dumb or if she's acting in order to stay in the press.
Here's some great clips from a recent interview. We would point out how ridiculous it all is, but you get the point.
Um, I'm not sure about a tour, but yeah, I think I want to perform in several places. 'Cause "Higher" is coming out, but I also have some other songs coming out. And I'm doing those also. So yeah, I want to perform.
I used to take voice lessons when I was younger. I have always been in musicals. I've been in dance performances. I've been training for this since a young age. … It is truly my passion.
[I'd love to work with] Madonna. She's amazing. I'd love to work with Michael Jackson. Miley Cyrus from Hannah Montana. I'd love to work with her. She's amazing. There are so many musicians! Maybe a rock band. I would love to collaborate with a rock band and do something like that. Maybe The Game? Or the Rapture? I think everybody. I think all the different parts…every aspect…every genre of music I would like to work with.
I go to church every Sunday. I am non-denominational Baptist. And, yeah, I'm actually really religious.
[Source]
Here's the Michael Jackson ballad that never was…until now! Originally recorded for the album Dangerous inclusion on Jackson's masterpiece, Thriller, "For All Time" was scrapped in favor of other, obviously better tracks. It's now being included as filler on the soulless 25th anniversary reissue of the album.
Press play and then find someone special to grope you. It'll be like your first 7th grade dance all over again!
Are we going to hell for thinking Michael Jackson's kids look completely frightening? Because when we saw this picture we thought they were, in fact, demons. No wonder he's been keeping them under wraps. Thankfully Jacko remembered to cover his own deteriorating face while he and the kids were at the Luxor. We can only handle so much.
[Source]
Heidi Montag, after finally finding her way into the sweaty embrace of Maxim, opened up about her semi-charmed kind of life for the magazine's February issue. Naïve is much too light a term…
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• What gives with the humping inanimate objects? Is that sexy? [SH]
• "Nice Day For A Meth Face Wedding" [DListed]
• Who's your favorite female celebrity? Related: Why do you have a favorite female celebrity? [PS]
• The first good choice this woman has ever made. [HT]
• For the benefit of those who are reactionary to the point of stupidity, today Will Smith explained that he doesn't like Hitler. [EBG]
• Michael Jackson's son beat his delicate face in! [INO]
• Paris Hilton's grandfather is a mensch. What happened to her? [ICYDK]
• Ha! [CityRag]
Lock up your kids (and your money)!
Fresh off of years and years of inactivity, Jermaine Jackson is piping up to claim that he and his damaged brothers are planning a Jackson 5 reunion tour for 2008. And according to Jermaine, yes, even the scary heavy-petter is aboard.
…"Michael will be involved. We feel we have to do it one more time. We owe that to the fans and to the public."
"There's been so much going on, getting over all the hurdles that we all were faced with during Michael's trial. But we are stronger than ever."
The 53-year-old has also hinted at the band releasing some new material, saying that the group was "in the studio at the moment".
This we'll believe when we see it perform for seven minutes before arguing amongst itself about the choreography, storming off stage and canceling all remaining dates.
Michael Jackson paid a recent undercover visit to Brooklyn, where he spent the day shooting a cover for Ebony magazine's issue celebrating the 25th anniversary of "Thriller." He acted "sweet"…"He did go on and on about kids, though, saying how much he loved them."
[Source]
Generally, like the industry with which it is fused, fashion portraiture is a scheme. Love Leibovitz all you'd like, but the truth is, with several thousand dollars, six assistants and 10 hours, you could take this picture (many times over, in fact). However, to make the melted, ghostly Michael Jackson look not just human, but even huggable, is a feat worth talking about. Congratulations, Bruce Weber.
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