CELL BLOCK EASY STREET "'Lost' star Michelle Rodriguez has been released from [prison] early, having served just 17 days. She was originally sentenced to 180 days in the clink stemming from her DUI arrest."
What a year of decadence and depravity in Hollywood, huh? Throughout the last 12 months, Lindsay Lohan went to rehab and jail, Britney Spears went to rehab, Paris Hilton went to jail, Nicole Richie went to jail, Kiefer Sutherland went to jail, Michelle Rodriguez went to jail and Anna Nicole Smith died.
We'll probably never know for sure exactly what the hell is wrong with these people (we assume it's a combination of too much fame and money and too little education), but we're almost certain their steady decline into mediocrity, criminality and early graves will not cease in 2008. The question is who will falter this year, and in what way.
Here, let us make some predictions:
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Michelle Rodriguez checked herself into a Los Angeles jail on December 23, beginning a six-month sentence for probation violations. The lost Lost actress frequently defied probationary requirements, failing to complete community service and drinking during times of ordered sobriety.
Rodriguez must serve her sentence in its entirety, so she will miss out on New Year's Eve and St Patrick's Day celebrations—a true blow for the sad alcoholic.
Michelle Rodriguez has been sentenced to six months in prison for probation violations ranging from negligence of community service requirements to drinking three times while wearing an alcohol monitoring device.
Rodriguez was on probation for a variety of crimes, including DUI and hit and run.
The judge also ordered that Rodriguez is not to be released to "work furlough or electronic monitoring and is not to be granted early release." Rodriguez was also ordered to complete 30 days of CalTrans work…
Rodriguez has been ordered to report to the LA County Jail by Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas, mom!
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• So many feathers in the wind when the monkey gets old enough to strangle! [Queerty]
• So many diamonds! [DListed]
• So many early mistakes! [HT]
• So many surgeries! [ICYDK]
• So many beautiful, color coordinated women! [INO]
• So many embarrassing situations fueled by alcohol! [Yeeeah]
• So many sadness! [CityRag]
Of course, not everyone has the luxury of being able to step over Fashion Week as if it were an errant mess on a city sidewalk. Occasionally, notable people are present for – and even active participants in – the clamorous, glamorous hubbub. To these precious few (or is it gullible many) we briefly offer our attention and pity.
A creep, a newly single father and a gay rock icon walk into a fashion show…
More of this joke after the jump.
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If Sonia Braga and Whoopi Goldberg had a baby girl she would grow up and look like this when she got drunk.
• The week's best political cartoons. [Slate]
• A handsome mugshot is something to be cherished. [CityRag]
• Michelle Rodriguez taking a souvenir. [Egotastic]
• Uncle Ben's through shuckin' and jivin' for you turkeys. [Gawker]
• I married Britney Spears and fathered both her children and all I got was a million bucks. [HR]
• Vintage Marilyn! Enjoy your grandpa's Anna Nicole. [IDLYITW]
• Mark Wahlberg's working with M Knight. Spoiler: In the end you find out the giant penis isn't even his, and that he can fly. [ASL]
• Caged heat! [PopSugar]
Homeboy of Paris, Nicky, Paula and Wilmer, Anand Jon, is being brought up on a slew of rape charges:
According to the felony complaint obtained by TMZ, Jon allegedly committed a variety of horrific acts on four separate victims between October of 2004 and March 5, 2007. Along with two counts of forcible rape, Jon is also facing charges of "sexual battery by restraint, attempted forcible oral copulation and two counts of committing a lewd act upon a child."
In the document, police claim that Anand, 30, used an accomplice during the alleged sexual battery and forcible copulation. The investigation into that person is ongoing.
Jon, who has been featured on MTV and is known to hang out with Paris Hilton, Paula Abdul and Michelle Rodriguez, was arrested by Beverly Hills Police on March 6, after one of his accusers came forward to authorities. An investigation uncovered three other potential victims, the youngest of whom is 15-years-old.
Yikes! Many different levels of wrong, and a charge for each of them.
Anyway, hate to judge a book by the cover, but the dark-eyes, the "wet look," and the almost constant fondling of women all collude to make this guy look like what a Disney drawing of a rapist would be.
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• Finally, someone willing to speak out against the relentless bitching of people who don't like DUIs. [IDLYITW]
• I'm thinking about suing Michael Jackson for my coffee being too cold at Starbucks right now. I'm sure he has something to do with it. [Queerty]
• Nick Cannon still playing way out of his league. [Star]
• I doubt the No Doubt reunion will be spectacular. [ICYDK]
• The boobs should never be bigger than the pregnant belly. [HT]
• Think this means they'll have to do the bunny hop? [ASL]
• Grey's Anatomy spin-off to have 100 percent less Isaiah Washington. [JJ]
• I'm from Rolling Stone and I need two double espressos. [Jossip]
Lost actress Michelle Rodriguez is taking some cues from Jane Fonda, saying she will begin donating her time to community service even after she finishes up with her court ordered hours. Here's Michelle finding a way to make volunteer work sound trashy:
“Man, I got so many hours of community service,” says the actress, whose alcohol-intake-monitoring bracelet turned heads at the Marc Jacobs show last week. Rodriguez pleaded no contest to a hit-and-run, DUI, and driving with a suspended license in 2004, and then violated probation with a DUI bust in Hawaii the next year. “I’m almost done. I have to keep flying back. I just take a week and knock it out. It’s all good.” Rodriguez says she plans to continue to serve worthy causes even after it’s no longer legally mandated, having picked up a passion for animal rights after seeing some up close to her Hummer during an African safari. She’s currently the spokesperson for a nature-sanctuary foundation called Sanctuary. “Eventually,” she says, “you’re going to see me do some Jane Fonda–type shit. I’m keeping it hush right now. But it’s going to be fucking hot. I’m going to make giving back sexy and fuckable.”
Oooooookaaaaaay. Fantastic, Michelle. I actually checked to make sure this wasn't a joke after I read it–it's not.
I think this is probably the first time any celebrity's offer to give to charity will actually be turned away.
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Okay, this post is special for all one of you readers out there who are also fans of The L Word. To be honest, I really couldn't care less about Michelle Veneers! Rodriquez's sexuality (I've never seen Lost and barely even really know who she is other than those teeth), but yesterday Kristanne Lokan dropped these ambiguously juicy tidbits in an interview with The Advocate:
Then we mentioned the tantalizing stories Loken has told in past interviews about getting tight with Rodriguez when they filmed BloodRayne in Romania. Here’s what happened next.
What about all the stuff that was said about you and Michelle on the shoot?
[Laughs, then takes a deep breath] There is the $64,000 question. Um…I don’t even know how to answer that.It seems like you both had a lot of fun partying.
Uh-huh. [Smiles, doesn’t say anything]OK, your silence says volumes. [Both laugh]
Just don’t look upstairs, OK?Ooh, OK. You don’t want me to print that?
You can print it. [Laughs again] The very hot housekeeper. No, just joking.
What does that even mean? Okay, maybe I'm slow, but she certainly doesn't "out" Michelle to a point where The Advocate should be running the headline "Michelle & Kristanne in love!" (which is what the headline reads, btw). Eh, whatever, let the girls do what they want and talk about it whenever they are comfortable.
What interests me, though, is the part of the article in which it is revealed that Kristanna will be playing Shane's new love interest in the upcoming season of The L Word (I'm a Showtime junkie. Especially with Weeds not coming back in forever and Huff canceled, it's all I've got). That's right Carmen, don't take her ass back after that leaving you at the alter stunt. Even though the new season doesn't premiere for a few months, it's nice to see they'll have some fresh faces to spice things up for Season 4.
Okay, I'll go back to the regularly scheduled programming now.
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• This photoshoot of Cindy Crawford's little girl is pretty unsettling. Gotta admit, the girl's got her mom's come hither eyes. [Faded Youth]
• John Travolta kisses everyone that way, dude. He's so not gay, just a slut. [Junkiness]
• Kissing girls isn't just for drunkenly trying to get guys to pay attention anymore for Jessica Biel. [Egotastic]
• Clawing at the last bits of fame will do wonders to a guy's sense of humor, eh, Norm MacDonald? [BWE]
• Britney Spears gave birth to her nameless boy in a room decorated like my grandmother's house. Creepy. [I'm Not Obsessed]
• Michelle Rodriguez skinny dipping. If you squint, you can maybe see nipple. [CityRag]
• Speaking of mature starlets, guess who acted like a brat at her scary mother's birthday? [A Socialite's Life]
• Justin and Cameron broken up for real this time. Start the rumor mill, once more with feeling, folks! [The Bosh]
"[The armpit] is my favorite part of a woman's body…the definition…the contours…the depth of the pocket."-Flirting With Disaster
Michelle Rodriguez got a nice little taste of her not-so-recently-shorn armpits. It's probably some alternative method of nourishment she picked up in the clink. In any event, she seems to enjoy it.
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• Michelle Rodriguez loves prison almost as much as she loves her short shorts! [DListed]
• Naomi Campbell caught wind of the hottest trend since Anorexia '05 and wants a baby of her own (to throw things at). [A Socialite's Life]
• Available soon at a Toys R Us near you: Babies First Scandal, so your infant can feel as special as Shiloh. [Gallery of the Absurd]
• So all this press about Russell Crowe being Mr. Nice Guy is a load of crap? It sounded a bit fishy. [Celebitchy]
• Petra Namcova caught James Blunt's eye, as she walked on by, and he could tell by her face…that she was, fucking smoking. [Egotastic]
• Kate Moss moves from a hardcore drug addict boyfriend to a hardcore sex addict boyfriend. I guess that's a step in the right direction. [Faded Youth]
• Angelina covered up her Billy Bob tattoo with the coordinates of her children's birthplaces. Expect copycat tats of where people were when they learned of Shiloh's birth. [US Weekly]
When reporting yesterday that Michelle Rodriguez was let out of jail about 59 days and 19 1/2 hours before her 60 day sentence was set to end, her friend, designer Anand Jon, was quick to state that she had no 'get-out-of-jail-free card'. We now have definitive proof that this was a lie. Behold, Michelle Rodriguez's Get Out Of Jail Free Card. Thanks to blogger Grumpy Old Indian Men, I was able to get my hands on this artifact. Hopefully Rodriguez has a few more of these lying around, because god knows she's going to need them.
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I take back all words of encouragement for Michelle Rodriguez. When she started out her 60 day jail sentence, I had some sympathy for the young actress. I teased her, but I knew it would be a rough and trying time, much different than her pleasant 5 days spent behind bars in Hawaii. But, how much of this 60 day sentence did Michelle Rodriguez have to serve?
4 hours and 20 minutes.
Yes, she was in jail 4 hours and 20 minutes before she was released.
Celebrity favoritism rules. People reports:
"Needless to say, our prosecutors are not happy about this," says a spokesperson for the L.A. City Attorney's office. "But the sheriffs have a policy to let some nonviolent offenders go early, in part due to jail overcrowding."
Rodriguez, 27, must perform 30 days of community service and is on two years probation.
The night of her release, the actress was spotted at the Tropicana Bar at the Roosevelt Hotel, and on Monday night at the Hollywood club Shag.
"Michelle's happy with the way things turned out," her friend, designer Anand Jon, tells PEOPLE. "She knows this wasn't a literal get-out-of-jail-free card. Michelle's taken responsibility for the past and now she's ready to focus on her career."
Wait, what? She's happy with the way things turned out? No shit. This was not a get-out-of-jail-free card? It certainly sounds like one. Good thing she finally learned her lesson. I'm sure she'll never ever drive a car after drinking (in a place she can get caught) again. Rodriguez is shown here this weekend at the Ultimate Fighting Championship (phew, good thing she was let out in time) with Adrian Grenier. Shouldn't she have moved to France by now. If not, she should really get on that.
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Michelle Rodriguez started her second stint in the big house today for her drunk driving tendencies. Rodriguez has pledged that when she is released from the clink she will move to France. Where there are no laws. It reminds me of that scene in An American Tale when the mice are convinced that there are no cats in America.
Michelle speaks highly of her previous time in the slammer (I'm seeing how many nicknames for jail I can use in one post), which lasted only five days. Hopefully this stay will be 12 times the fun! I've heard her both refer to the lovely heirarchy of power in the pen as well as how it was basically a lengthy interview for her next bodygaurd. Such a cup half full attitude. That's why I like our plucky young potential hazing victim.
I prefer to remember Michelle in simpler times when her biggest worry was what in god's name was going to happen in her own television show. A time when dresses and skirts were worn simultaneously and people in bright yellow ponchos were welcome at all publicity events.
Having been unceremoniously killed off of Lost and proving herself such a clear legal liability, I'm not sure if she's going to be getting much work in the states. So, if I don't see you again, au revoir, Rodriguez. I never knew ya, but I like your style.
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