Rich people have problems, too: Moby is trying to sell his four-story El Dorado penthouse in Manhattan's Central Park West neighborhood, but nobody's willing to fork over the $7.5 million needed to buy it. We know what you're thinking: "Poor Moby. I wish I could help him." Well, you're in luck.

On Friday, Moby emailed his friends with this teaser: 'If you find someone to buy the apartment I'll happily give $75,000 to you or your favorite charity.' When we contacted him, he agreed to extend the same offer to MainStreet readers.

Sounds great in theory, but nobody who desperately needs that $75,000 runs around with the millionaires rich enough to buy that stupid apartment. But we're praying for you Moby, because heaven forbid you have to lower the asking price.

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Bald raver and teamonger Moby, who once bragged to us in a restroom that, save for one egg, he's been vegan for 22 years, reveals in the new issue of Spin magazine that he used to date Natalie Portman. He then claims that that relationship is part of the reason he's universally loathed.

"I guess in some people's eyes, [nerds] might be mildly sexy - and, as a nerd, I'm certainly happy to enjoy some of the effects of that. But as far as the very brief affair that I had with Natalie, it's made me a target of a lot of nerd wrath…You don't date Luke Skywalker's mom and not have them hate your guts."

It's not just nerds, Baldo. Thanks for ruining Natalie Portman.

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Let's play a fun game. It's called "What the Hell is [insert D-lister's name here] Doing at Sundance?"

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Last night we went to a kicky party for The Atlantic's 150th birthday! We had a great time, but many of the other attendees hated it. That's probably because we, the guests, were made to partake in free booze and revelry in front of them. Who was "them"? The audience assembled to point, stare and seethe at us; well dressed, imbibing zoo animals were we. We thought it was funny. Others – from both the stage and the house – did not.

Mayor Bloomberg was there and so was Robert De Niro. Moby, who claims to be a fan of The Atlantic since the age of 10, was heard saying his favorite part of the magazine was "the list of numbers they have in the beginning." We think he meant the Harper's Index, which runs in a completely different highbrow publication altogether. Ha! Patti Smith performed later in the evening and she sounded really good.

We enjoyed it, The Atlantic. Now you've only to convince almost everyone else.

Go here to see video.