The sleaze has reached a new low on the political front and, for once, it's got nothing to do with bulbous cretins waving around brown monkey dolls or candidate lookalike gangbangs. This time it's all about our government unabashedly accepting donations from corporations in exchange for favors, almost as if our nation were a plutocracy and not a democracy. The Ministry of Truth sure has grown audacious!
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IN CRISIS, THE RETURN OF GORDON GEKKO "As Wall Street continues to capture headlines due to market volatility, 20th Century Fox is moving forward with a 'Wall Street' sequel. Allan Loeb ('21') has been tapped to pen the screenplay, which is being fast-tracked by the studio as a Michael Douglas starrer, though the actor is not formally attached. The modern-day story will again center on Gordon Gekko, who has recently been sprung from prison and re-emerges into a much more tumultuous financial world than the one he once lorded over. The Bud Fox character, played by Charlie Sheen in the original, will not appear in the latest incarnation."
HISTORIAN: BEATLES, STONES WERE FAT CATS, NOT REVOLUTIONARIES "Pop culture icons John Lennon and Mick Jagger were clever capitalists who cashed in on the mood of the 1960s, not spokesmen for a generation seeking revolution, a British academic said Thursday. Cambridge University historian David Fowler said that so-called 'Swinging London' was in fact beyond most normal people, 'less a golden age for the nation's young than a celebration of wealth by its social elite. Groups like The Beatles were basically capitalists interested in enriching themselves through the music industry. They did about as much to represent the interests of the nation's young people as The Spice Girls did in the 1990s.'"
HOOKERS FINE IN TRYING TIMES "It's still a good time to be morally bankrupt. The plunging Dow Jones and panicky investors are hardly a problem for the world's oldest profession, where business is still brisk. 'The market is down, business is down, but we feel it less,' said Dylan, 24, a promotional model-turned-Manhattan prostitute. 'We're still busy.' The long-haired, long-legged hooker then explained why the red-light district remains a blue-chip commodity: 'If men are horny, they're going to come in here.' Take that, Ben Bernanke."
Buy Spam! We're now so poor that the devices we've created to tally just how poor we are don't work anymore.
THE END OF BLING? WE HOPE SO "Francesco Trapani, chief executive of Bulgari Group, is cutting back on the fixed costs of his jet-setting lifestyle. The jewelry, luxury-goods and hotel magnate recently sold his 137-foot yacht, the "Christianne B," and he's holding off on buying any more homes. Even his bespoke Micocci shirt was slightly frayed at the collar last week — a fact he acknowledged with an apologetic smile. … Not even the richest people are feeling untouched by our current financial crisis. In their personal lives, as in business, the purveyors of luxury are sizing up what it all means. Some of the questions: Is it unseemly to spend money publicly? Will people still shop for the all-important holiday season? Is this the end of bling?"
If anyone is worried about this financial crisis, they needn't be: Rapper Lil Wayne is not struggling for money. You can all breathe a sigh of relief.
The notorious drug addict celebrated his 26th birthday last night in Miami and was presented with his gift from Birdman: A case full of one million dollars. Was he playing Deal or No Deal? Anyway, the photo's caption reads, "Lil Wayne is happy after receiving a million dollars as a birthday present." Gee, you think? And why does this guy need a million dollars anyway? It's not like he's hurting for money after selling tons of albums. When you can freeze money and put it inside an ice sculpture, that's a pretty good indication that you don't need any more.
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YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK "Less than a week after the federal government had to bail out American International Group Inc. (AIG), the company sent executives on a $440,000 retreat to a posh California resort, lawmakers investigating the company's meltdown said Tuesday. The tab included $23,380 worth of spa treatments for AIG employees at the coastal St. Regis resort south of Los Angeles even as the company tapped into an $85 billion loan from the government it needed to stave off bankruptcy."
The executives behind right-wing comedy flick An American Carol, which the Philadelphia Enquirer called "about as not-funny as a comedy can get," are claiming that fraudulent sales practices at movie theaters around America are preventing Carol's box office tallies from reaching the astronomical levels they would otherwise.
Did all the conservatives decide to go batshit insane at the same time?
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Less than a week after we noted that Pope Benedict XVI, who's looking mighty sad these days, should be doing things other than reading the Bible with celebrities for a week straight on Italian television, the pontiff heeded our call and expressed an almost Marxist sentiment at yesterday's meeting of over 200 bishops:
Benedict says that "now with the collapse of big banks we see that money disappears, is nothing and all these things that appear real are in fact of secondary importance." He urges those who build their lives "only on things that are visible, such as success, career, money" to keep that in mind.
How much you wanna bet most Catholics continue to ignore this one while running right along with the "gay unions are false" thing?
So, who's checked out this record-breaking Beverly Hills Chihuahua, the film that prompted one critic to remark, "Paris Hilton and lower-level office workers who own calendars featuring Weimaraners wearing hats will love it."
If you saw it, was it worth it? If yes, really?
Never has elitism been so easy to see.
Check out this handy-dandy breakdown of the presidential candidates' homes and vehicles, and get ready to puke at the extravagance of Barack Obama, the elitist. I mean, seriously, a Ford Hybrid? What objectionable decadence. I sure hope John McCain can find respite from that unrelatable jerk in one of his eight homes (maverick mansions?), or on his private jet.
Click through for the large version.
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BAILOUT FINALLY APPROVED "The House of Representatives gave final approval on Friday to the $700 billion bailout for the financial system, reversing course to authorize what may be the most expensive government intervention in history. At 1:21 p.m., applause and cheers echoed through the House chamber as the number of 'aye' votes crossed the threshold needed for passage with just seconds remaining in the official 15-minute voting period. The vote was 263 to 171."
David Spade obviously has an effect on the ladies, but who knew he also garnered the attention of heterosexual men? J.R. Moehringer, a writer for Los Angeles magazine, went to high school with David and decided to express his years-long crush through an eight-page article focusing on Spade's trick to being a ladies' man. We already know the secret: He's famous and he has money. Anyone can get women when they have one of the two.
David, of course, begs to differ and offers his advice to men hoping to attract women. CONTINUED »
We knew our lack of video editing skills would one day come and bite us in the ass. Oh well: our idea, someone else's Final Cut abilities.
SAG GETS CLOSER TO STRIKE "The Screen Actors Guild's negotiating committee voted Wednesday to support a strike authorization vote, a tactic meant to break stalled contract talks with Hollywood studios. The recommendation, approved 11-2, now goes to the guild's national board for review, and would ultimately need approval of 75 percent of the some 120,000 voting guild members. 'My personal opinion is, yes, we will achieve a strike authorization,' said Anne Marie Johnson, a spokeswoman for Membership First, a faction of actors that had controlled SAG's national board until it narrowly lost its majority in elections last month."
THE BAILOUT'S HOLLYWOOD CONNECTION "Hollywood would get a little unexpected boost from the proposed $700-billion bailout of the nation's financial system. The bill wending its way through Congress would provide tax breaks worth more than $470 million over the next decade for movie and TV producers that shoot in the U.S. That's not a lot of money, given that the average studio movie costs $106.6 million to make and market, but it could keep some low-budget productions — and jobs — from going offshore."
ALWAYS FOLLOW THE MONEY "On average, representatives that voted for the Wall Street bailout package received more campaign contributions from financial firms by a 2-to-1 margin than members who voted against the bailout, according to a Maplight.org study of data from the Center for Responsive Politics. While the study doesn't exonerate House Speaker Nancy Pelosi from charges she riled up opponents, it does suggest there may have been more at play than angry constituents."
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