• I'm making "Laguna girls like to be on top" shirts right away. Expect them at Urban Outfitters within the month. [I'm Not Obsessed]

• Pete Doherty got busted for being Pete Doherty. [Celebitchy]

• Aston Kutcher and Demi Moore are officially the most boring couple of all. They've argued once. Ever. [DListed]

• Naw, man, I was, like, there, when Lohan sat on a bare mattress and took back some JD. [Goldenfiddle]

• Don't feel bad about owning more shoes than books, Christina Ricci, most of your peers don't even know what a book is. [PopSugar]

• Paris' second single get the ever-important Diddyproval. [Hollywood Rag]

• Today in celebrity catfights: Regis Philbin vs. David Hasselhoff. [Cityrag]

• Star Jones found dead in her finest fur. [Junkiness]

• I don't get it. So Keira Knightly's boyfriend isn't either Orlando Bloom or a budget Orlando Bloom knock-off she bought in Chinatown? [A Socialite's Life]

• Brandon Davis needs to learn that the "firecrotch" joke was never really funny in the firstplace, and certainly isn't now. [DListed]

• Jennifer Garner is so popping out another one. [CityRag]

• The only way Tom Cruise's publicist can think of covering up his crazy is with fake heroism stunts. [Us Weekly]

• Oh, and next to that Jack from yesterday, there's a pile of coke. Way to be, Dina Lohan. [PopSugar]

• It's always nice to see stars who have a head on their pretty little shoulders. [Egotastic]

• Speaking of which, where the hell has Jessica Alba been? [Hollywood Tuna]

• Kate Bosworth is always down for a stick-figure-off with Nicole Richie. [I'm Not Obsessed]

• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson doing the nasty? Innnteresting. Very interesting. [Us Weekly]

• It's easier to handle Katie Holmes when she covers up those dead eyes of hers. [PopSugar]

• I'm no expert, but I think that Charlize Theron is doing okay career wise, even up against luminaries like Scarlett Johansson. Maybe it's the Oscar. [Celebitchy]

• Since when did Jessica Biel have an ass like that? [Egotastic]

• Marcia Cross decided between black and white…washer/dryer combos. [The Gilded Moose]

• What if there was a day without celebrity gossip? [Junkiness]

• Hilary Duff totally almost makes out with herself in this video. [DListed]

• Beyonce makes it to London. The terrorists have not won. [I'm Not Obsessed]

• Spears buys more child safety gear than she needs. As I always say, 'Better safe than Britney.' [A Socialite's Life]

• Richard Gere can always get a gig as a mall Santa. [DListed]

• Wouldn't have pegged Jodie Foster as our next Mel Gibson supporter. [CityRag]

• Lindsay Lohan is adamant about her boob job, but she's certainly not afraid to call out Ashlee's nose. [Celebrity Nation]

• Sure, Katie Holmes can leave the house, ya know, if she's got someone to make sure she doesn't escape. [Celebitchy]

• Marcia Cross wants to have it out with Barbara Walters, but apparently not in the sexy way. [US Weekly]

• Hilary Duff and Non-Hilary Duff hit up the premiere of the movie. It's so nice of Hil to give her sister work. [Hollywood Tuna]

• Added to the list of starlets paid to do nothing: Mischa Barton. [Egotastic]

• Well, this looks like the beginnings of a healthy relationship for Kate Moss and Pete Doherty. Can't see anything going wrong there. [Celebitchy]

• Nicole Richie runs, presumably away from food. [X17]

• Scott Storch just learned about this "firecrotch" mess, and he thinks it's heeee-larious. [A Socialite's Life]

• Too bad you weren't at Lotus this weekend, cause Jessica Biel was floozing around making out with girls. [Egotastic]

• Somebody give Star Jones a job, or at least stop taking away the ones she already has. She's never going to keep her husband around at this rate. [DListed]

• Arbitrarily ranking the Bobby D's of the world sounds like a perfect way to spend some time. [CityRag]

• As I've noted, I don't know much about child-rearing, but something just feels wrong about the way Gwen Stefani is carrying that infant. [Teddy & Moo]

• George Clooney: Once a style icon, always a style icon. Brad Pitt: The man's got moves, what more can I say? [PopSugar]

• Some people are just not hat people, Eva Longoria. [DListed]

• If Jennifer Garner falls, Ben Affleck will catch her, he'll be waiting, time after time. [Celebrity Nation]

• Baby Love the Kinkajou hates Paris Hilton even more than your average human. [Celebitchy]

• Silly Victoria Beckham, does she not understand that the sperm of David Beckham only creates virile young boys. [A Socialite's Life]

• Completely coincidentally, I'm sure, the day this controversy comes out, Elle Macpherson shows off her kick-ass bikini 'Body.' [SplashNewsOnline]

• Paris Hilton takes your amateur hour notion of what is ridiculous and throws it out the window. [Junkiness]

• Okay, lets be honest here, Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong are totally staring at the a-hole cameraman rather than the topless woman right in front of them. [PopSugar]

• Drug addicted rock stars who ritualistically trash their hotel rooms can't hold a candle to Lindsay Lohan and her fircrotch of terror. [DListed]

• Kate Hudson has low expectations for her husband, especially in the grooming and not sleeping with other women departments. [Junkiness]

• Tired of being the only person preserving his sexy, Diddy allows Justin Timberlake to use his word. [Celebitchy]

• Dude, E is such an idiot for wanting any girl other than Sloane. What was that? Entourage isn't real? Oh. [Popoholic]

• The Beckhams must abide by strict no touching rules if they meet Suri. I would've gone more with "you break it you buy it," cause you better believe that bot was expensive. [Hollywood Rag]

• Haircut aside, Menu Suvari is a few (thousand) bottles of booze away from Bai Ling. [Bastardly]

• Just to let you know, as long as Oceans 13 is filming, I will probably post a picture from it at least once a day. That's it. Carry on. [Celebitchy]

• Kate Beckinsale does lunges on the sidewalk. Because she can. [The Superficial]

• I barely know why we respect Vanity Fair so much, but desecrating those pages with the first Suri Cruise photos seems like blasphemy. [DListed]

• Ben Affleck has a lot of thanks for the city of Dorchestaaah. [PopSugar]

• Sienna Miller and Jude Law are back together. Wait, no, I mean they broke up. Eh, fuck it. Who cares. [Egotastic]

• Jessica Simpson "designed" some shoes and handbags. I'm sure she slaved away for weeks putting together the line. [I'm Not Obsessed]

• Jessica Simpson proves that even she can look bad when wearing a trash bag. [X17]

• Cocaine: Helping Kate Moss get jobs since 1994. [A Socialite's Life]

• Francis Bean in Kurt Cobain's iconic brown sweatshirt = Awesome. [Celebitchy]

• Pharrell is worried that he'll be "locked out" of planet Earth. Sounds like someone's bright enough to be an astronaut. [Junkiness]

• Okay, if you had to sleep with a female Hilton, which one would you choose. Paris thinks it shouold be Kathy, I might actually agree. [Hollywood Rag]

• Don't worry Mel Gibson, Patrick Swayze still loves you. You're like the wind through his tree. [US Weekly]

• Kim Porter can take Diddy's sleeping around, but fathering some other woman's child? Oh, hell no. [Celebitchy]

• Turns out, kids don't care where Madonna crucifies herself, just as long as she never blasphemes something important, like MySpace. [Junkiness]

• Russell Crowe knows that there's no pouting, brooding, or anger allowed in Williamsburg. [OAN]

• And the Award for Carefully Worded Quote of the Day goes to: Paris Hilton! [DListed]

• Jessica Simpson has two reasons for you to go see her new movie, and they're not her zany co-stars. [Egotastic]

• Tara Reid's new friend looks like he will need to be rescued with the Jaws of Life. [Celebrity Nation]

• Take a pill and look like Carmen Elektra, or something like that. [PopSugar]

• Happy Friday, watch Pamela Anderson and Cindy Crawford have a Lap Dance Off. [X17, X17]

• Cindy Crawford proves that you don't have need a Greek shipping heir to slut it up at a St. Tropez nighclub, cause a scandalously cut dress will do the trick just fine. [PopSugar]

• The only difference between E.T. and Victoria Beckham: Posh would never eat Reeses Pieces. [The People We Love To Hate]

• Rachel Bilson looks oh so pleased to be found shopping at Target. [Bastardly]

• Geez, someone give Mary Kate Olsen a phone book to sit on or something. Between the size of that car, and the tint of those sunglasses, it's a wonder she's not mowing down small children. [Teddy and Moo]

• Courtney Cox wants another baby? Now she's just rubbing it in Jennifer Aniston's face. [Junkiness]

• To add insult to injury, the lucky bastard who gets to hang out with Penelope Cruz in St. Tropez is wearing manpris. [A Socialite's Life]

• Kevin Federline was offered the role a sleazy drug dealer in a movie. Hey, if the shoe fits. [DListed]

• Mischa Barton cleans up real nice for her new ad campaign, reminds us why she is a celebrity. [Teddy and Moo]

• Save Kathy Griffins: My Life On The D-List! Sign the petition. Dooooo it. [D List Petition]

• Dont' call it a comeback, cause Jennifer Lopez's ass has been here for years. [Hollywoodtuna]

• Someone give Elliot Yamin a recording contract. I mean, Kellie Pickler's got one. Is there no justice in this world? [Faded Youth]

• Gwen Stefani dares you to talk shit about her fashion sense. [I'm Non Obsessed]

• No matter how many times you explain it, Justin Timberlake, I will never accept your FutureSex/LoveSounds album title as okay. [PopSugar]

• I'm surprised that Woody Allen let his precious Scarlett Johansson out of his basement to risk her life on Coney Island's Cyclone. [BlogNYC]

• Oh, and more Mel Gibson drunk photos. [IDLYITW]

• Nick Lachey dreams about the day that he doesn't have to carry some chick's bag for her. [PopSugar]

• Someone please keep Heidi Klum full of Seal puppies; she's the most adorable pregnant lady ever. [I'm Not Obsessed]

• See, Mel Gibson's not an anti-Semite, per se, he just kinda hates Jewish people. Wait, does he know what anti-Semite means? [TMZ]

• Maybe Heath Ledger has been packing on the lbs so he can adequately fill out Jack Nicholson's Joker costume. [PopWatch]

• Either way Mel may have been looking to kill more than his career. [WWTDD]

• Great news: we may not have to hear any more Lindsay Lohan warbling anytime soon. Her record label is putting her on hold. [DListed]

• If you catch her at the right angle, Christina Aguilera looks like she should snap in half at the waist when standing. [Faded Youth]

• It's not every day we get Penelope Cruz in a bikini. Thrilling, even if it's the least flattering bathing suit possible. [Celebitchy]

• Typical Madonna, talking something fun, like vodka, and doing something lame with it, like washing her clothes. [A Socialite's Life]

• Nick Lachey roughed up a teenager for trying to take a camera phone picture of the singer. You'd think he would be happy to ad another click to his ticker. [WWTDD]

• Tori Spelling and her husband are promised free porn for life, gauranteeing that said husband never actually has to think about Tori while they're doin' it. [Faded Youth]

• Was being forced out of the closet by a controlling boyfriend the best thing that ever happened to Lance Bass or the best thing that ever happened to Lance's boy toy's book sales? [DListed]

• Tara Reid needs a new make-up artist. Baby steps, people. [PopSugar]

• So on TRL Vanessa Minnillo was like 'I'm totally famous becauase of you!' and Nick Lachey was all 'If you keep your mouth shut now I promise I'll kiss you later.' [A Socalite's Life]

• Scarlett Johansson got a lapdance for her 21st birthday. Sorry, I can't make that "got" into a "gave you" no matter how hard I try. [Egotastic]

• Uh, I'm not sure, but I think Paris Hilton just defecated in the bathtub. [The Superficial]

• If Lindsay Lohan doesn't start bending from the knees to pick things up she's totally going to pull something in her back. [WWTDD]

• Halle Berry should know that empire-waist jersey dresses scream maternity wear. [HollywoodRag]

• Kenny Roger's new face is elastic-tastic. [CityRag]

• Without her red lipstick, Christina Aguilera isn't so tough now, is she? [DListed]

• John Travolta. Print. Tape on fridge. Never eat again. Voila. Miracle Diet. [CityRag]

• Gwen Stefani is wearing this dress to cover up baby weight. What's your excuse, Paris? [Faded Youth]

• My question is, what are they doing with the once-used toilet seats that Madonna insists are changed every single night. I smell eBay spree. [A Socialite's Life]

• David Arquette should chill on the paparazzi attacking, it's okay that we see him when he's not dressed like an a-hole. [The Superficial]

• In the neverending quest for the perfect puffy shirt, Nicole Kidman has a close runner up to Jerry's pirate blouse. [I'm Not Obsessed]

• Donna Martin gets the shaft. [DListed]

• You will have to pry that vodka bottle out of Kathy Hilton's Cold Dead Hands. [A Socialite's Life]

• I'd like to think that Lionel Richie casting his daughter Nicole in his video for "I Call it Love" is sweet rather than his just trying to glom off her newfound fame. [JustJared]

• Kate Beckinsale has only dated two men in the past ten years, which, as far as the world can tell, is a supreme waste of hotness. [PopSugar]

• Jordache hires Liz Hurley and a horse for their new ad campaign. It's cause she's a cowgirl, baby. [DListed]

• Strong evidence that Global Warming is caused by celebrities in bikinis rather than any of this "pollution" crapola. [Egotastic]

• Could it really be that Brad Pitt is the one who put the brakes on marriage with Angelina Jolie? [GlitteratiGossip]

• It may take you a moment to actually discern how Tara Reid's nipple is showing in this picture (click on the one above), but I assure you it's there. [Egotastic]

• The Beckhams are going to keep having kids until they get a girl, or Victoria breaks in half, whichever comes first. [PopSugar]

• George Michaels knows not everybody's got a body like his pot-bellied park stranger, guessed it would be nice to touch it. [A Socialite's Life]

• Lesser known fact about Keira Knightly: her legs are 5 ft of her 5'8" body. [ICYDK]

• Seeing as he is the dirtiest thing to enter the country in years, Kid Rock was arrested immediately upon entering Switzerland. [Celebitchy]

• Matthew McConaughey acted decidedly un-zen by hitting a paparazzi on the beach. Looks like someone's a little testy after being left behind by Lance and Jake. [X17]

• You may have missed the eBay Auction, but here's a scan of the fax claiming Jodie Foster and Kim Basinger went out on a date. [CityRag]

• Tiny Fey and Rachel Dratch are both leaving SNL, putting the number of cast members whose names I know below three. [Faded Youth]

• Mariah Carey demonstrates that not every celebrity can pull off daisy dukes. [Hollywood Tuna]