Did everyone have a good weekend? Heather Locklear did: The actress was arrested Saturday night in Santa Barbara for driving under the influence of what cops believe to be drugs. A resident called police after witnessing Heather "driving erratically"; when police found her, she had parked her car on a state highway, blocking a lane. Sounds perfectly normal to us.

After being tested for drugs and alcohol, law enforcement reported that alcohol was not involved. She was released without posting bail — but not before delivering one of the most terrifying mug shots of all time. Good one, Heather!

• This guy was arrested after assaulting someone with an 8-inch sausage. Seriously. [DListed]

• Lynne Spears desperately attempts to make nice with Britney. [ICYDK]

• Please tell us arm warmers are not the new trend for fall/winter. [HT]

• Poor Jessica Simpson can't win. [PS]

• The peg leg jeans have descended upon Fashion Week. Everybody take cover. [INO]

• Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt had a secret date at the Toronto Film Festival, according to some crazy liar. [Yeeeah]

Khloe Kardashian's stint in jail came and went yesterday as the famewhore served 173 minutes of her original 30-day sentence. But before you start to think she had it easy, listen to these horrors she endured while serving her time: A woman on her bus suffered a seizure, her building was on lockdown after receiving a bomb threat, and the guards wouldn't give Khloe a blanket even though she was cold.

The worst part? She didn't even get to wear a cute orange jumpsuit — she was in and out so quickly she didn't have time to change clothes. Oh, the humanity!

Look for Khloe's tearful post-jail interview this week on Larry King Live.

Someone needs to teach DMX how to play Scrabble or something, because it seems all the man does for entertainment is get arrested. This time it was for having two outstanding warrants in Phoenix, which he neglected by flying to Florida. Naturally, police were waiting when he flew back into Arizona to do the same old song and dance. Do you think he knows the officers by name at this point?

Brandi Ryan, who appeared on the first season of bisexual dating show A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, was arrested last night in California on charges of felony possession of a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Officers pulled over the car in which Brandi was a passenger for having illegal tinted windows. Upon searching the vehicle, Brandi tried to hide a meth pipe — in her crotch.

You can bet Tila is kicking herself for letting that one get away.

CSI star Gary Dourdan had a verrrrry good time yesterday in Palm Springs — police found him passed out in his vehicle at 5:21 a.m. and booked him for possession of heroin. Oh, and cocaine. And don't forget the ecstasy. And throw in some prescription drugs for good measure. Dourdan reportedly posted $5,000 bail this morning and is once again roaming the streets.

The sputtering film industry isn't only causing grief for major studio executives. Like the true disloyal bastards they are, talent agencies, agents and actors have all begun backstabbing each other for the dwindling profits.

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Upstanding citizen Richie Sambora was charged with DUI after being pulled over last night in LA and failing multiple field sobriety tests. But it gets better: Sources say 10-year-old Ava, Richie's daughter with Heather Locklear, was in the car at the time — therefore Richie could possibly face child endangerment charges.

Between a drunk driver and a potential suicide case, Ava should just get a new set of parents.

R&B singer Ne-Yo was reportedly arrested in Georgia for reckless driving and not having a valid license.

That's two arrests we've reported in one day. Barron Hilton makes three recent semi-celebrities in the clinker, and we are once again wondering what it all means.

Three sets of celebrity twins on the way, three D-listers in jail … Help us, Tom Cruise. Help us to make sense of this world.

[Source]

As you may have heard, Paris Hilton's little brother Barron was arrested for drunk driving yesterday. The guy was arrested after being found wasted at 8 in the morning, a feat not even achieved by his older, STD-ridden sister. High five, Barron!

But the forgotten Hilton wasn't sprung from the clinker immediately:

Sources tell TMZ Barron Hilton called his sister Paris right after he got busted for DUI, pleading with her to bail him out. Paris said no.

We're told Paris rejected her brother's request, telling her 18-year-old brother, You're going to learn your lesson.' TMZ also knows Paris was 'very upset and very disappointed in him.'

To be fair, Paris also said the same thing to Prada, the cat she left at the vet, when he called and asked her to pick him up. Something about teaching Prada a lesson for not being hot enough.

[Source]

At least the Smug Bastard appears to still be drunk at the time of this photo. The sad part is that he is totally making a Mel Gibson signature half-smile. Are your hearts melting, ladies?

[Source]