The economy sure is bad. How bad is it? Now, even conscious rappers have warrants out!
Mos Def, the Emmy-nominated actor and Brooklyn emcee who made a name for himself with Afrocentric songs about love and how stressful life in America can be, is being sought by Las Vegas police on an arrest warrant stemming from a fistfight with a photographer there in August.
Mos allegedly roughed up a 60-year-old trade publication photographer before snatching the man's camera and smashing it. No word yet on whether the multi-talented artist will turn himself in or stay on the lam.
This is a brilliant career move for Mos, who's obviously learned that gangsta rap is where the money's at.
Before you continue reading, please make sure there are no Britney Spears crazies in the immediate vicinity, because this news just might send them over the edge.
Tiny narc Ryan Seacrest announced on his radio show that Brit will reunite with ex Justin Timberlake tonight as part of increasingly desperate Madonna's "Sticky and Sweet" concert tour. The beginning of the end of days will take place at LA's Dodger Stadium, where all three singers will come together on stage for some world-class lip-syncing.
For our LA readers: It might be wise to stock up on flashlights and bottled water today.
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A sampling of the playlist at last night's Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee party:
• "We Are the Champions"
• "Celebration"
• "Let's Go Crazy"
• "Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough"
• "Born in the USA"
• "Movin' on Up (The Jeffersons theme)"
• "Gettin' Jiggy wit It"
Little-Known Fact: Talking Heads frontman and avid cyclist David Byrne is not American, and can't vote because of his immigrant status. At least, according to the emails he's been sending out to everyone. (But why hasn't he applied for a Green Card in the 20+ years he's been in NYC?)
We thought: Canadian? But it turns out he's Scottish.
Full Byrne email, in all its strangely cryptic glory, after the jump:
Musical loser Akon, on why everyone should vote for Barack Obama:
If he [Obama] doesn't get into office, I'm gonna change my citizenship. I'm moving back to Africa. You can hold me to that. I'm afraid to live there if he [McCain] is President. The decisions he makes scare me: he's making selfish decisions, he's doing whatever it takes to get into office.
First of all, nobody truly cares if a faux thug who repeatedly assaults his concert-goers is going to leave the country or not; in fact, it might actually be a genius plan to score a few more votes for McCain.
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After what feels like years of disgusting tales from the presidential campaigns, here's something heartwarming: Children getting involved in the political process in a cute way, without being forced to play mouthpiece for their parents. We're all for kids learning to love politics at an early age as long as they are open to both sides and not brainwashed into thinking one way or the other (for an example of that, revisit this).
And remember: You can vote however you like today. Just go vote.
It's been barely a week since news broke that Lindsay Lohan's guest stint on Ugly Betty was cut short due to drama on the set, and now she has another botched job on her hands: She's been cut from hosting the World Music Awards in Monaco next weekend.
Apparently the walking disaster hosted the WMAs in 2006, when she proceeded to screw up her lines and call Beyonce to the stage while the singer was still getting her hair done. The producers had a mild case of amnesia and decided the "actress" was so "hot" at the moment that she would be the perfect host. They called in former Desperate Housewives tool Jesse Metcalfe for backup, but LiLo threw a fit because the spotlight wouldn't be totally on her.
In the end, "it was decided by both parties it was better if she pulled out," which means the producers wised up and Lindsay pouted and acted like she didn't want to host the awards in the first place.
Her replacement? Denise Richards. Yeah, that's a step up.
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Britney Spears finally unveiled the new cover art for her upcoming album, Circus, much to the delight of thousands of pitiful fans. She looks extremely over-Photoshopped, but that's kind of par for the course these days.
And for the five of you who care, her next single will be "Circus." This means nothing to us, but perhaps some of you Britney crazies have illegally downloaded the entire album already. Oh, who are we kidding? Nobody cares enough to do that these days.
THEY WANT YOU BACK "The Jackson 5 will reunite in 2009, eldest brother Jermaine Jackson confirmed Wednesday at a TV industry function. 'This has been a long time coming for the Jackson family to get back together,' he told the Australian Associated Press. … 'It is going to be more like a family affair, Janet's going to open and, of course, the original Jackson 5 … Michael, Randy and the whole family.'"
SAM JOE THE PLUMBER TO BE A COUNTRY STAR Good god do I wish I were kidding: "On Tuesday, Wurzelbacher joined country music artist and producer Aaron Tippin to form a new partnership that includes booking-management firm Bobby Roberts and publicity-management concern The Press Office to field the multiple media offers he’s received over the past few weeks. Among the requests: a possible record deal with a major label, personal appearances and corporate sponsorships. A longtime country music fan, Wurzelbacher can sing and 'knocks around on guitar' but is not an accomplished musician or songwriter, according to The Press Office’s Jim Della Croce."
Joaquin Phoenix, whom we can no longer look at without thinking of Johnny Cash, used a Paul Newman benefit to announce his retirement from acting. As you do.
I want to take this opportunity … to give you the exclusive and just talk a little bit about the fact that this will be my last performance as an actor. I'm not doing films anymore. … I'm working on my music. I'm done. I've been through that.
We have a feeling this "retirement" is going to stick the same way it did for Brett Favre and Michael Jordan.
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Rapper Lil Wayne refused to perform in Boston last evening after he "failed to make it through security" at the TD Banknorth Garden. One must assume this means Wayne was carrying guns and/or drugs and refused to relinquish them to enter the venue.
Goddamn are we ever having a hard time deciding whether this guy is a junkie idiot or one of the last vanguards of authentic rock and roll rebellion.
Christina Aguilera finally put out a music video for all five fans waiting with baited breath. The song, "Keeps Gettin' Better," is enjoyable enough; the video, not so much. She's been compared to Lady Gaga quite a bit as of late, but it's frighteningly true. What happened to Xtina? Did popping out a child turn her into some weird robot?
Full video after the jump. And yes, she does that (at right). CONTINUED »
Danity Kane, the mildly talented girl group that was doomed from the start thanks to creator Diddy, is officially in shambles. Upon losing two members, the always classy Aubrey O'Day and sidekick D.Woods, a third girl has decided to call it quits: Shannon Bex, also commonly referred to as the other blond. This leaves only two girls (Aundrea and Dawn, pictured on the far left and right, respectively), who obviously cannot carry the group on their own. Shannon, arguably the nicest member of the bunch, was reportedly "tired of the drama, cat fights and Diddy." We can't argue with that, but we will begrudgingly admit that this makes us terribly sad. Don't judge us.
After the jump: The girls' first performance together upon learning that they won the reality competition and had a spot in the group. Diddy, who can be spotted obnoxiously dancing off to the side, managed to take a fairly good thing and completely destroy it. Nice work, Diddles. CONTINUED »
• Miley Cyrus' hanger-on boyfriend might be just a little bit gay. [DListed]
• Sarah Jessica Parker spent $250 on a pair of two-tone Chanel pantyhose. Just like us! [Yeeeah]
• Jessica Biel has decided to dabble in singing, because that always works out so well for actresses. [ICYDK]
• Tila Tequila is still alive and slutting it up. [HT]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will get married when their children ask them to. Wait, whatever happened to waiting for the gays? [INO]
• Beyonce is Sasha Fierce. Also: Delusional. [PS]
REAL CELEBRITY HIRED TO PROMOTE COMMON NOBEL LAUREATES "Actress Scarlett Johansson is to co-host this year's Nobel Peace Concert, which will be headlined by Diana Ross. The event is to be held in Oslo, Norway on 11 December, which is the day after the Nobel Prizes are presented. Also on the bill are Canadian musician Feist, US country singer Dierks Bentley and Nigerian performer Seun Kuti. Johansson's 'compassion and influence' would help to spread a 'message of peace', Nobel committee member Geir Lundestad told the Associated Press."
Britney Spears is rapidly getting her life back on track, and the latest stop on the BS Comeback Tour will be Dec. 2 on Good Morning America. This is going to be a big day for Brit, because it's both her 27th birthday and her Circus album release. Here's hoping she doesn't get incredibly overwhelmed by the circus (pun intended) and end up being carted away in an ambulance.
On another note, Brit really needs to work on her cue card reading skills. She used to handle scripts like a pro back in the day; now, she blasts through them like a 9-year-old in a school play. Her dialogue in the GMA promo (at left) is painful and distracting, and that's not even taking into consideration that cheesy scene where she blows out the candles. Larry Rudolph, get back to work.
Time for some real talk: if you are ever in a situation where you need to perform emergency chest compressions as CPR, make sure you have the Bee Gee's on your iPod. The number of chest compressions necessary while administering CPR is difficult to gauge while in the heat of the moment, because it's actually a much higher number than people think —around 100 beats per minute— and a new study at Illinois found that medical students had a much higher success rate at achieving the correct amount of pushes to restart a heart if they were listening to a particular song from the 70s disco group:
Editor
