Dear readers, while getting very, very drunk over this long, long weekend, remember whose time you're on. More than a break – and god knows he deserves a break – the working man deserves your respect and acknowledgment.
We're cutting it short today to get a head start on squeezing the last bit of summer out of this quickly chilling city. If you're in Brooklyn, come buy us a drink at Rosemary's RIGHT NOW! The rest of you: don't get hurt out there.
SHIRT HAPPENS The ultimate awful t-shirt, on a Polish youth just minutes ago in Brookyln's Greenpoint neighborhood: "Most Likely to Wear a Stupid T-Shirt." Meta! Horrible, but meta!
Not completely disgusted with modern air travel, what with the glacial lines, last-second cancellations and dwindling luxuries? Then you're a more tolerant person than many, many others. But we dare you to resist booking your next trip on Amtrak upon hearing this news:
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Saw these two walking hand in hand in the West Village this weekend after getting drinks with my boss. He was in flip-flops, which is a questionable practice in the city, but other than that: cute! She is so pregnant.
David Blaine, whose mission in life is to constantly top his own stupidity, has announced his next cry for attention: He will hang upside-down from a six-story highwire above Central Park for three days and two nights. During this time he must (obviously) sleep upside-down and will not be allowed to eat. Sounds fun. Oh, and this is going to be televised on national television Sept. 24 so everybody can join in the absurdity.
For those who will be in New York during this stunt, David wants you to stop by and say hello: "There are always some crazy things. I get flashed quite often. Luckily, mostly from girls." Yeah, luckily.
Later, Blaine plans to break the world record for sleep deprivation, which should be easier than his failed attempt at abstaining from being a tool.
Every week, a bunch of “real” people say really stupid things on reality TV. These are their stories.
10. "They say the only two things on earth that can survive a nucular blast are cockroaches and slop." — Michelle, Big Brother
We all know violent sexpot New York has no respect for herself – really, how could she? – but had you any idea how little she cares for the feelings of others?
In the newest episode of televised pockmark New York Goes to Hollywood, Pollard attempts to research Japanese culture for an upcoming commercial role. Of course, she goes about this not by heading to the library for The Book of Five Rings or scouring Wikipedia, but by asking every Asian person she sees if they can explain Japan. (To a Korean dry cleaner: "Is that the same as being Japanese, or, like, not at all?") HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hilarious! And ironic, considering how the underlying joke here – New York doesn't get that all Asians aren't the same – is pretty similar to one that's plagued blacks for hundreds of years.
We'd love to see how well Pollard would take it were a Japanese person to approach her and ask how she played a crackhead so well in Jungle Fever.
Tom Cruise arrived in Manhattan to follow Katie around town and parade Suri in front of the cameras to distract us with her cuteness. Suri really hates the paparazzi, doesn't she? And at such a young age. It's almost unsettling.
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MORE REASONS TO LOVE NY "The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is coming to New York. The Cleveland-based museum is opening an annex in SoHo featuring … memorabilia from New York's storied rock history."
New York City's Upright Citizen's Brigade theater hosted a 72-hour improv comedy marathon over the weekend, so it's not surprising that the jokes eventually turned to Heath Ledger, Estelle Getty and Bernie Mac's recent deaths. But guest panelist Brooke Shields was evidently caught off guard:
She was so freaked out, her eyes welled up, and she actually bit her nails at one point. When someone pretended to dump Estelle Getty's ashes on [30 Rock star] Jack McBrayer's head, Brooke got up and walked offstage. She watched the rest of the show from behind a curtain backstage, with a grimace.
We're assuming Brooke had never before attended a UCBT performance — and it's doubtful she'll ever return.
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Both of New York’s finest newspapers, the Daily News and the Post, hit today with items regarding a former senator named John Edwards and a racy love child scandal the mainstream media doesn’t want you to know anything about. Except the News and the Post, um, are the MSM, so this gets confusing! They’re both basically saying the same thing — which is to say they’re reiterating what the Raleigh News & Observer already told you: the Dems want this matter cleared up before the convention, yo. But it’s a moment of significance, because two newspapers the city actually reads are saying this!
Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, seen here holding their noses in the presence of a homeless man, have been parading their love around New York City recently, but LiLo decided that's simply not enough — so she changed her BlackBerry messenger name to "LL <3s samanhattan - I didn't get hit by a bike!!!" Naturally.
So the bike incident, which allegedly happened Saturday night and sent Lindsay to the hospital, was a cover-up?? A friend says yes: "When we asked her what actually happened, she clammed up. She did go to the hospital, but won't tell anyone why. It's really odd." Even more interesting is the fact that Michael Lohan has gone to the media outlets confirming the accident, so he is either a liar or really knows nothing about his daughter's life. It could go either way.
Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson's tour of New York City wouldn't be complete without a trip to the celeb-infested Waverly Inn, where the girls' fellow diners enjoyed a public spat with their meal. According to witnesses, the couple almost made it through dinner without causing a scene — but no dice:
We really did not pay much attention to them once we were seated, except at the end of their meal when Lindsay stood up and stepped/stumbled on Naeem’s foot. Without looking back or apologizing she headed straight out the door. We guess her exit was spontaneous as Samantha was behind her sputtering: 'Are you leaving? Lindsay are you leaving? … I guess she’s leaving. She just left!'
I can safely say I have never participated in a public spat like most celebrities — are sources making up stories or do famous people just have no manners?
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It seems like only yesterday the Internet was freaking out in response to pictures of Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson blowing kisses to each other in LA. But while we weren't looking, LiLo and that wretched mother of hers turned up in NYC to celebrate Sephora's 10th anniversary. Because that's a good reason to travel across the country. Anyway, the Lohan ladies also dragged along Lindsay's poor brother Michael, who quite obviously hates his life.
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NY DOESN'T HEART YOU One out of 10 women who ride New York City's subways will be fondled.
Last night a dreary and overcast New York City was treated to the premiere of The Dark Knight, which featured a black carpet. The stars of the movie and all the D-listers in attendance followed suit by dressing in the somber hue, except for a select few (Regis, we're looking at you).
Lots of pictures after the jump. CONTINUED »
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