The Hogans seriously need to cool it on the bad publicity, because it's not doing the family any favors. The latest drama: That loser Linda was grinding in Vegas is actually 19 years old and has been a longtime friend of Nick. Speaking of our favorite jailbird, the family is trying to stop the release of Nick's recorded pathetic phone calls from jail, claiming a violation of privacy. Except a recorded voice comes on the line during each call to remind everyone that the call is being recorded. Nice try, losers.
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All that time in solitary confinement seems to have worked wonders for Nick Hogan, who has absolutely nothing to do all day but sit and think. He's obviously been contemplating puppies and what he had for lunch that day instead of why he's actually in prison in the first place, because his response to the civil lawsuit filed against his family is one of the most absurd things we've heard in a while.
Nick blames virtually every person on the planet — including John himself and Daniel Jacobs, the guy whom he drag-raced to cause the crash in the first place — but doesn't take a shred of responsibility of his own.
Let's just list the ways that Nick says John put himself in danger: Not wearing a seatbelt, not getting out of the car, getting into the car in the first place. And one last thing: Being friends with Nick to begin with.
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There was another Hogan car accident over the weekend, this time involving Brooke, everyone's favorite MySpace author. The wreck was not Brooke's fault, and she and her passenger walked away with no injuries. Thank God, because can you imagine the world with one less Hogan to spew nonsense?
To make sense of everything, Brooke took to the Internet with a new blog post — that has since been removed — thanking her jailbird brother and his passenger who has been in a coma since Nick's fateful car accident, because their mistakes saved her life. Well, at least the passenger has that to keep him going.
You can read the entire thing after the jump.
You know what's fun? Listening to Nick Hogan cry to his mother on the phone about how horrible jail is. The great thing about the Hogans is that they don't really grasp the concept of reality — take, for example, Nick's refusal to sympathize with his close friend who will have to live the rest of his life suffering the consequences of Nick's actions. Heaven forbid Nick experience trauma for eight months when someone else will never get their life back. Nick is truly an inspiration to America.
Listen to the conversation here.
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Poor little Nick Hogan. He's barely made it into his eight-month reckless driving sentence, and he's already pulling a Paris Hilton. Seems the baby Hulkster had different expectations going into prison, and now he has been calling his family nonstop to garner sympathy. According to documents, he complained to his mother about how horrible the treatment has become:
Had I known this, I would have rather gone to trial or I would rather, you know, appeal the case or something. I can't deal with this for eight months. [My cell is] like the size of my bathroom. No windows or nothing. Just one little top bed thing. … All you do is sit there and think, and there's nothing to think about.
Hey Nick, here's an idea: Perhaps you could think about why you're in jail in the first place. And, we don't know, maybe you can grow from this experience? We don't want to shoot for the moon here, but it's worth a shot.
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Brooke Hogan's latest MySpace rant (which has since been removed) was obviously not the ramblings of a perfectly sane person, and sources close to the Hogan family are convinced she is headed toward an emotional breakdown. Apparently her parents' divorce and brother's sentencing have gotten the best of her and "she just can't keep it together." Gee, you think?
In other family news, Hulk and Linda presented a united front at Nick's court hearing earlier this month (Linda even wore her wedding ring), but it was all an act to show support for their son. That shouldn't surprise anybody, because Hulk has based his entire career on acting, especially as of late — he even admitted that Hogan Knows Best was scripted (gasp!) and he was wary of the entire idea from the beginning:
I was offered lots of [reality] shows when I was making my career comeback against The Rock, but I kept saying no. But years later, it was my daughter’s career and son’s racing career that we were thinking about.
We saw the Ashlee Simpson show and Jessica Simpson’s and Lindsay Lohan on the big screen and we just didn’t haven’t a vehicle to compete. But I considered it, because this time it was about the Hogan family rather than Hulk Hogan; they all wanted to do it and I tried to warn them about what they were in for. Now look what happened.
The point where everything went downhill can be debated, but we believe it happened when Hulk tried to base his family's life on that of the Simpsons.
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In the wake of Nick Hogan's eight-month jail sentence for felony reckless driving, sister Brooke took to her MySpace to speak out against the entire situation. Because — let's be honest — writing about how the justice system is flawed on the No. 1 site for pedophiles is going to cause some shake-ups. Brooke insists no one knows the real story and even goes on to insult Nick's passenger who nearly lost his life in the accident. If that's not going to win over the general public, we don't know what will.
The entire diatribe, after the jump.
JUSTICE SERVED "Nick Bollea was sentenced to eight months in Florida’s Pinellas County Jail for felony reckless driving Thursday after pleading no contest in in court. A judge also handed down five years probation, 500 hours of community service and a three-year drivers license revocation. Nick will not be able to drink for the duration of his probation, and will attend DUI education classes within one year."
The Hogan saga continues this week with a lawsuit filed against 3/4 of the clan. The family of John Graziano, the passenger in Nick Hogan's vehicle on that fateful August day when he wrecked his car in a street race, filed a suit against Hulk, Linda and Nick, alleging they were negligent and are directly liable for the crash.
In the suit, [Graziano's court-appointed guardian Peter] Musante alleges that Nick negligently operated his Toyota Supra by racing another man in a Dodge Viper, a car also owned by Hulk. The suit claims the Bolleas were aware of Nick's need for speed and knew that he had souped-up his vehicle for the purpose of racing.
Musante also says Hulk purchased alcohol the day of the accident — August 26 — and that Hulk 'knew or should have known' Nick was driving under the influence of the crash and he failed to take appropriate action.
The Hogans are also responsible for Brooke's music career. Can we hold them liable for that, too? Better yet, let's do another series of Hogan Knows Best, but this time it's in a remote location and there's no cameras. And also, there's an explosive of some sort.
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Moments ago, TMZ sent us an e-mail declaring that 17-year-old Nick Hogan bought alcohol just hours before his tremendous car accident that left his good friend in traction in August.
The hasty site claimed a grocery store employee bypassed security measures in order to sell Hogan about $80 worth of beer. BUT THEN: "PLEASE DISREGARD PREVIOUS EMAIL REGARDING NICK HOGAN. STORY MAY BE INCORRECT." Wha?!?! Up is down, down is up!
• How fights between prima donnas begin. [TMZ]
• Paul McCartney's new lady friend is still married! [DListed]
• Steve Carrell is no scab. [EBG]
• Lenny Kravitz scurrying about in tight pants. Nothing more. [PS]
• Is melanoma fashionable? [HT]
• Jessica Simpson: "A Boston man is closest to a Southern man, I believe." [INO]
• Kim Kardashian celebrates that one (other) time she showed her breasts and vagina to the world. [ICYDK]
• Before he totaled his race car, subsequently injuring his good friend, Nick Hogan had been drinking. What a Hulkamaniac. [Yeeeah]
• The Critic: Gone but never, ever forgotten. [CityRag]
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