Desperate Housewives actress Nicolette Sheridan and desperate housewife fantasy Michael Bolton yesterday ended their two-year long engagement. Presumably the couple finally realized that joining their ungodly and insufferable corniness would unsettle the balance of the natural world, and they spared us all. Thank you, Michael and Nicolette.

Nicolette Sheridan has not improved with age.

Let this be a lesson to you: Plastic surgery + botox + a tranny-like appearance = bad news. It's basic math.

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• "No, I'm currently less insignificant!" [BWE]

• The woman who told you to go for "[her] pussy and [her] crack" dispenses more sage advice. [DListed]

• Aguilera's getting soft with old age. [ICYDK]

• Still thirsty for more pictures of a crazy girl in her bra and panties but too old and sane to ply a teen with alcohol? [HT]

• Coming soon to your local elevator. [Yeeeah]

• No worries, even NYC has idiots who treat their dogs like Christmas trees. [CityRag]

Motorola celebrated its 8th Birthday last night and the stars were out en force (to get some free stuff, natch). Christina performed for the crowd which included Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Donald Faison, AJ McLean (is he on that new VH1 show where a group of old boy banders try to hit it big again? Does that mean we'll be seeing a lot of him? Can he stop with the eyeliner?), Ivanka Trump, Jesse Metcalf, Nicollette Sheridan, Heather Locklear and a completely ecstatic looking David Spade.

Guys, I have something admit and, yes, I'm going to gossip blogger hell for this but…how do I say this…I think Paris Hilton has been looking pretty lately. Her outfits (Halloween notwithstanding) are cute. Her hair is (fake) pretty. Please, someone send me a recent picture to snap me back to reality. It's getting hard to live with myself.

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This Nicolette Sheridan double nipple slip is either completely made up or on purpose, because there's no way that she is letting both of her breasts pop out of her suit simultaneously, no matter how clueless she is. Hell, even Tara Reid only exposed on mangled boob. Click on the photo above to see the unedited version and let me know if you think it's on purpose, computer enhanced, or she's wearing some bathing suit of the future where there is no regard for hiding nipples in shame.

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