Ellen DeGeneres, bless her heart, suffered through an uncomfortable interview with the young Miley Cyrus, who doesn't act a day over 15. That's fine and all, since she is 15, but could she keep it together for, like, two minutes during an interview for poor Ellen's sake? This flopping around on the couch while giggling slumber party-style isn't exactly the most charming act we've ever seen. And guess what? Nobody really cares if you're dating this Justin kid. Just say "yes" or "no comment" like a normal person and move the interview along. Not everything needs to be a huge ploy for attention.
GOOD ONE, 'FRIEND' "You heard Alex Rodriguez was in the audience at Madonna's L.A. show Thursday. Now we hear he's thinking about following the divorcing Mrs. Ritchie to South America next month when she tours Brazil, Chile and Argentina. 'Maybe she'll teach Alex some songs from Evita,' quipped a friend."
So Saturday Night Live milked the last they could out of the election last night, during the "Live" Presidential Bash, which wasn't very live at all but, for the most part, pre-taped. Okay, whatever, Lorne. It's your reputation.
But as for the "guests" who stopped by, there wasn't an Obama or Biden to be seen! But you know who did try their hand at comedy, for the umpteenth time? You betcha… John McCain and Sarah Plain and Quirky.
Ha ha ha? That was more somber than funny, Palin. Especially the part where you threaten NBC with revoking their broadcasting license once you are sworn in as Vice President. Lady, you are terrifying.
Here's John McCain, not doing much better, after the jump.
America's favorite nightmares, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, paraded around LA Wednesday to scare people into voting for Barack Obama.
Spencer wore the glorious shirt you see at left while Heidi sported a tiny tank top that read, "Read My Lipstick: Vote McCain-Palin." Read my lipstick: No.
Props were also involved: A shotgun, a bottle of beer and a copy of You Can Profit From a Monetary Crisis. Somehow, we imagine this is not helping.
[Source]
An Alabama man's thoughts on Barack Obama's race:
'He’s neither-nor,' said Ricky Thompson, a pipe fitter who works at a factory north of Mobile, while standing in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart store just north of here. 'He’s other. It’s in the Bible. Come as one. Don’t create other breeds.'
The same article, brought to our attention by the lovely Run-DMS, goes on to feature a "joke" (courtesy of yet another Wal-Mart patron) about how, if elected, Obama is "going to tear up the rose bushes and plant a watermelon patch." Hilarious!
As if Sarah Palin's disastrous interview with CBS Stepford wife Katie Couric wasn't enough, the network reportedly has more footage that is even more damaging to the Alaskan governor. One of the tougher questions Palin faced? Discussing Supreme Court decisions, which was met with awkward silence.
Not to worry though, a Palin aide is clearing it all up for us:
Recent rehab graduate Eva Mendes spoke to Interview magazine about substance abuse, but she wasn't having any of the interviewer's hilarious jokes. In response to the reporter saying, "They're going to have to change the name of it to 'Alcoholics Unanimous,'" Eva provided nothing but silence (and probably a death stare). After prodding from the interviewer, Eva said, "I'm not making jokes, because people die from this stuff. So, honestly, I think it's a bit tacky that you made a joke."
Good for you, Eva.
Brody Jenner, all-American toy, has inked a deal with MTV to star in Bromance, a reality series that will follow The Hills monkey as he, and we fucking quote, "auditions a group of dudes to fill his 'bro' vacancy."
Each week, losing contestants will be booted from Bromance's bachelor pad in a "hot tub elimination ceremony," until the ultimate broham has been chosen to fill the spot of Jenner's ex-best broseph, Spencer Pratt.
Of course, twee ponce Ryan Seacrest is producing the massive mistake and laughing all the way to the munchkin bank where he gets his twinkle bucks. Sayeth the American Idol dildo, who doesn't at all enjoy the press speculation about his sexuality: "I can speak from experience — girls can come and go, but a 'bromance' can last forever." Let's hope not.
CUE THE CHIRPING CRICKETS "President Bush wants to send the 'Jessica jinx' to this summer's Democratic National Convention in Denver. 'We're going to send Jessica Simpson to the Democrat National Convention,' he joked in front of members of the Super Bowl-winning New York Giants who were visiting the White House Wednesday. Simpson was widely blamed for beau Tony Romo's worst performance of his career as a Dallas Cowboys quarterback in December."
Y'know how we've been all flippant and snarky (we hate that "word" but it seems appropriate) about The New York Times as of late? Complaining about their bullshit, hokey, juvenile coverage of "chick flicks" and TV chefs using the f-word? Well, bilious as we've been, we haven't harbored hatred for the paper, just an acute feeling of disgust with wasted opportunity. It's hurt us to see pages of drivel that could have been used for good. Today, however, we officially hate the Times:
ONLY one thing stood, or lay, between Alexandra Avlonitis and domestic bliss after she renovated her Roxbury, Conn., bathroom: the toothbrushes. Each one was a different size, ergonomic shape and amalgam of voluptuous injection-molded plastics. The only thing they had in common was that none fit into the handsome toothbrush holder she’d bought.
…
Joanne Rowe, a certified hand therapist in Manhattan, said that people with arthritis or carpal tunnel syndrome, or who have recently had hand surgery, might find a toothbrush with a wider handle more convenient. “If you have a hand injury and you need to hold your toothbrush with some force, it will be easier to hold,” she said.
You'll be displeased to know that this goes on for THREE FUCKING PAGES!!!!!!!!!
But soft, not everyone has embraced the insanity: "Both Colgate and Johnson & Johnson declined to discuss their stockier toothbrushes … " Until right now, we had always hated seeing corporate fat cats snow the media.
Michelle Obama appeared on The Colbert Report to promote her husband's presidential campaign, and promote she did: She side-stepped any potentially funny joke in order to tell us how Barack is going to change the country. Listen lady, we know. We've heard it all before. The least you could do is play along with Colbert and appear to have a sense of humor.
Video after the jump.
Party boy and occasional comedian Pauly Shore is taking a cue from bitter hatemongers and blaming his anemic career on his skin color (or lack thereof). "I need to be black," Shore recently told an interviewer, "because if I was black, I’d be doing good." Well, Pauly. You'd be doing well. And no, you wouldn't.
Shore continued: "White people are screwed. Especially in my industry, they’re screwed. White people are going to be picking cotton within, like, literally within three years." Brilliant! How is this guy not getting hired?
Click through to see the full rant.
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