OJ Simpson was questioned on suspicion of breaking into a hotel room yesterday in Las Vegas. Even if he did enter the room illegally, once inside, Simpson did not go into a blind rage and bleed anyone like wild game. So: Upgrade!

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Like cartoon wolves with dollar-sign eyes, Barnes & Noble, the corporate bookstore chain that only a week ago refused to condescend and sell in their stores OJ Simpson's If I Did It, has now decided to carry the book in their branches, citing "customer interest" (aka customer money). Of course, they will continue to not "promote" it. But I'm afraid it's too late for that, Barnes & Noble. Or should I just say, "Barnes."

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This guy won the Heisman, ran for over 11,000 yards in his professional career, nearly decapitated his ex-wife before also killing her friend and now he's written a bestseller. Is there anything he can't do?

There's either a genius or a madman behind the idea to put arguably the most hated man in America on a live call-in show, but give that guy a raise, regardless. OJ's a sitting, maniacal duck here, and, oh, how the callers accuse him of murder (and masturbation). And as if that weren't humiliating enough, the Juice is set to get squeezed three more times this week on the same show. You've got ringside seats if you go here.

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You might think Kim Kardashian was at the Playboy Mansion over the weekend because she just finished a photo shoot for the magazine (big deal!), but you'd be wrong. The real—and much more outrageous—reason Kardashian was sashaying round Hugh Hefner's notorious pad was because she was attending a benefit for the Nicole Brown Charitable Foundation. Whaaaaaa? In case you're unaware of the irony there, Kim's father, Robert Kardashian, represented OJ Simpson in his murder trial. Got it? She's at a benefit party thrown in memory of a woman whose murderer her father helped loose. It's a bit like Jessica Hitler coming to a reading of Anne Frank's diary.

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Now that OJ Simpson's murder "mystery" has been leaked to a critical chorus of dry heaves and "That motherfucker!"s, it's impossible for anyone rooted in reality to actually believe that he didn't kill his ex-wife and Ronald Goldman. Unfortunately for the families of the victims, double jeopardy statutes ensure OJ will never face prison time for his actions, and as he's regularly seen treading heavily on a number of verdant putting greens, his personal guilt doesn't seem to be all that cumbersome. So what's to be done about a killer who confesses and suffers no retribution?

I leave that up to you in another installment of Discipline…. This time, how would you squeeze The Juice? Try your best to avoid overtly racist things like "lynch him" as well as liberal use of the word "nigger." Show some wit and, if you can find it in your heart, maybe some compassion.

If I Did It, the canceled book authored by OJ Simpson that details not how he committed the murders of Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman but how he would have, has been leaked, and TMZ has the gripping passages:

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Yesterday's haikus allayed all the fears we had that requiring registration to comment would dampen people's interest in daily poetic musings. The contest was better than ever. Not only were participation and wit high, there was not a single entry that included an offer for free Cialis. Hooray!

After another hard decision, I've decided to name RCDC the winner:

Sex in a car crash?
Only good if James Spader.
Your tactics are old.

Not only did RCDC find syllables to mock Marilyn Manson, they were also able to reference an alright movie and better book. Cheers!

New Someone Haiku is after this.

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• I think running blindly down a hill of sand with her boobs sticking out further than her face is a pretty apt metaphor for Pam's life. [INO]

• I wouldn't go with "brain-meltingly." [Egotastic]

• Eddie Murphy nowhere to be found. [IDLYITW]

• Were you pretty sure the OJ book thing couldn't get crazier? [Defamer]

• Usher's having a shotgun wedding and he didn't even load the shotgun. [DListed]

• Sanjaya roundup, so you don't get lost amid his velvety locks. [Jossip]

The new issue of Jane offers a photo spread with a very simple premise: "We went to Sundance and asked a bunch of stars, "What's your crime?" Then we shot them."

Well get ready, because the stars' answers generally hit you so hard with a one-two combo of boring and puzzling that you might think you're watching Lost. The only two to get it right were Paul Rudd and Sam Rockwell.

Unfortunately, Jane staffers failed to include in the shoot noted Sundance regulars OJ Simpson, Brandy and Roman Polanski. Put your thinking caps on, you three; and be prepared with some wacky "crimes" next year!

PS Who's Amy Ferguson?

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• Carmen Electra gives a homeless man what appears to be absolutely nothing. [ICYDK]

• Mischa's parents are pissed about her drug use. Parents are such drags. [TheBosh]

• Kirsten Dunst is still being a total haole and hanging loose, bra. [Egotastic]

• I guess rehab's not a cakewalk. Which is counterintuitive, right? [INO]

• Joel Madden attacking women, members of Crazy Town and the respect people had for him before he attacked women. [IDLYITW]

• Colbert gets his own ice cream! Bet it only sells well on the coasts. [JJ]

• OJ says he might be the father of Anna Nicole's baby. Swears he's not Anna Nicole's killer. [ASL]

In the wake of a tragedy that left 38-year-old Awatef Aboudihaj dead, Brandy is being charged with vehicular manslaughter, and black leaders in LA are attempting to get the city attorneys to reject the case. Awesome!

Black civil rights leaders in Los Angeles claim the California Highway Patrol has made singer/actress Brandy "a political trophy."

The Los Angeles City Attorney is deciding whether to file misdemeanor vehicular manslaughter charges against Brandy, whose Land Rover slammed into a Toyota on the 405 Freeway killing the driver.

Today, Najee Ali, leader of Project Islamic HOPE, said the CHP's recommendation to file charges against the singer "is unfairly targeting her for prosecution because of her celebrity." Ali told TMZ he is organizing an e-mail campaign in the African American community to put pressure on City Attorney Rocky Delgadillo to reject the case.

OK, black leaders, this has gone far enough. Have we really reached a point where people expect the criminal justice system to not prosecute a fucking manslaughter?! Are these people serious?! A "political trophy?" Brandy's negligence killed someone! And now she's facing a $50 million lawsuit because of it.

Project Islamic HOPE's call to arms is alarmism, it's opportunistic and it's embarrassing. It is high time for black people to take the title of "leader" back from these ridiculous figureheads. You heard it here first: Brandy's being set up to be the new OJ. Don't let it happen, dudes.

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Jamie Foxx played Madison Square Garden last night, blending his only tolerable R&B crooning (actual lyrics: …baby one plus one ain't two when you wit' me/ C ain't after A and B when you wit' me…) with really timely comedy. According to the New York Daily News, among his best zingers were jokes about Britney Spears not wearing panties, OJ being crazy and Michael Richards' slur-laden rant. I'm glad someone finally has the balls to take shots at Britney Spears and OJ. You da man, Foxx.

Together, the whole shebang presented Foxx as old-school "entertainer," a term normally applied to those who don't do any one thing particularly well. (Think Zsa Zsa Gabor.)

In fact, Foxx has proven himself adept at all these disciplines. But hogtied together, the result ended up herky-jerky in pace and scattered in content.

…Foxx's rhythm had assurance, but the content lacked cleverness.

In his fine R&B songs, Foxx showed both a creamy falsetto and a sure tenor. But even here his patter proved distracting and some songs wound up seeming more like skits. The Ray Charles impersonation, so gripping on screen, seemed like the world's weirdest karaoke live.

Him impersonating Ray Charles at his shows is like your uncle reliving his football glory days, except it's even more grandiose and expensive and, subsequently, sad. He should just get Jacob the Jeweler to turn his Oscar into a necklace and get it over with. It's all pretty predictable.

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No, this wasn't the book cover. But it is a sleeve suggested by Cracked.

In a shocking display of good taste, Fox News decided to pull the plug on next week's completely fucked up OJ Simpson interview and book release. TMZ reports:

Common sense and good taste seem to have prevailed: FOX has decided to pull the plug on both its planned OJ Simpson book and television interview special, "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened."

Good.

News Corporation Chairman and CEO Rupert Murdoch said today, "I and senior management agree with the American public that this was an ill-considered project. We are sorry for any pain this has caused the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown-Simpson."

Chose your own overused phrase: Too little too late or better late than never?

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So. Fucked. Up.

When the rumor went around that OJ Simpson was planning a "fiction" novel about how he would have killed those two people he totally didn't kill, everyone recoiled in horror. That book is coming, and soon. But before we get that little gift, Fox is set to air a two-part interview with Mr. Simpson where he will, you guessed it, describe how he would have committed the murders if, ya know, he wasn't so innocent. The AP reports:

The two-part interview, titled "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened," will air Nov. 27 and Nov. 29, the TV network said. Fox said and book publisher Judith Regan agreed to an "unrestricted" interview.

"O.J. Simpson, in his own words, tells for the first time how he would have committed the murders if he were the one responsible for the crimes," the network said in a statement. "In the two-part event, Simpson describes how he would have carried out the murders he has vehemently denied committing for over a decade."

"This is an interview that no one thought would ever happen. It's the definitive last chapter in the Trial of the Century," Mike Darnell, executive vice president of alternative programming for Fox, said in a statement.

The interview will air days before Simpson's new book, "If I Did It," goes on sale Nov. 30. The book, published by Regan, "hypothetically describes how the murders would have been committed."

In a video clip on the network's website, an off-screen interviewer says to Simpson, "You wrote 'I have never seen so much blood in my life.' "

"I don't think any two people could be murdered without everybody being covered in blood," Simpson responds.

Be sure to TiVo that one so you can watch it again and again. Sounds like nightly pre-bed viewing if you ask me.

[Source, image via College Humor]