The triple murder tragedy of Jennifer Hudson's family wasn't going to be ignored by the celebrity weeklies. Sadly, multiple deaths are what it takes to get a black girl on the cover of a tabloid. The editors of each weekly, then, had to consider how the competition was going to play the game. Only People and Us gave Hudson A1 treatment, while every other magazine at least included her in a sidebar or footer.
Life & Style and OK! ended up with the same photo. Only the Globe went with a picture of Jennifer with her mouth closed — because nothing says tragedy like eyes staring into the horizon and a mouth agape.
And the honor of Going Full Exploitative goes to, not surprisingly:
Normally we wouldn't trust this story, courtesy of the National Enquirer, but we would have never believed that Britney Spears would shave her head and hold her child hostage in a bathroom, so it's safe to say that the Spears family isn't exactly predictable. And then there's the source, who was right that one time about John Edwards, so we can't fully doubt the credibility of this rumor. Instead, we'll just pray it's not true.
Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant again, y'all! Only three months after giving birth to her first child, the teenage mother is already knocked up for a second time.
'Jamie Lynn is about eight weeks pregnant, and she and her mom Lynne are hysterical. … Jamie Lynn believed she couldn’t get pregnant while she was breast-feeding. She’d expected to have her period by early September.' A home pregnancy test came back positive and Jamie Lynn cried her eyes out, said the source.
OK, first off, why is Lynne furious? This is just another child to add to her pot of boiling cash cows. You know she's already got OK! on the phone for yet another million dollar exclusive. Secondly, friends are supposedly urging JL to abort this baby so she can focus on the first. It's a shame there's no way to avoid getting pregnant in the first place … perhaps some sort of protection? Oh right, they make that. And JL obviously doesn't use it.
Dina Lohan has displayed plenty of bad judgment in the past: She married Michael Lohan, the crazy famewhore who likely puts the latest issue of OK! magazine next to the Bible on his nightstand; she steered daughter Lindsay down the worst path possible, which led to arrests and multiple stints in rehab; then she paraded her youngest daughter, Ali, on reality television in an effort to score a record deal. It's quite sad, actually.
To aid her latest project, Dina went to the media with claims that music manager Johnny Wright is desperate to steer Ali's career, much like he has done with Justin Timberlake and the Jonas Brothers. Dina's rep issued a statement saying she was "interested and would take the meeting" with Wright. One problem: Johnny hates her guts and has no problem admitting it.
His rebuttal (Sherri Shepherd's word of the day) after the jump. CONTINUED »
Lindsay Lohan's "lesbian" love affair with Sam Ronson dominates the cover of OK! magazine this week. And, of course, Lohan's "friends" have loads to say. The actress does not. We're assuming she wasn't paid enough money.
• OK! magazine was not interested in Clay Aiken's coming out story, claiming it wasn't a big deal. Yeah, why feature a talked-about story when you can have a cover like the one above? Good move, OK! [INO]
• Jennifer Aniston takes a break from being America's Punching Bag to vacation in Mexico. Life is rough. [Yeeeah]
• Things too awkward for words: Samantha Ronson in a bikini. [HT]
• Kelly Osbourne struggled with a possible pregnancy at 13. When I was 13 I was struggling to remember not to throw my retainer away in the cafeteria's trash bins. To each her own. [ICYDK]
• Mark Wahlberg wasn't so creative with the baby names — that's a good thing. [DListed]
• DJ AM put his recovery on hold to attend a memorial service for one of the victims of the deadly plane crash. [PS]
Poor Lynne Spears. The mother of two cash cows (Britney and Jamie Lynn) and one disappointment (non-celebrity Bryan) has had a tough go at it lately, what with Brit going insane and JL doing the whole teen pregnancy thing. But even worse than that, she has been crucified in the tabloid world for her horrible parenting skills. This is an issue, Lynne says, because the woman who is potentially "a heartbeat away" from the presidency has been applauded for being in a very similar situation:
It's a totally different reaction. It's as if [Sarah Palin] became celebrated. … Every woman in the world has applauded her strength and her convictions and poor little old Jamie Lynn—you saw how she was crucified. Everybody did, firsthand … I just feel like it's been a very hypocritical situation.
Now, we're not trying to defend Sarah Palin here, but the situations were a teensy weensy bit different: She didn't raise her child on a Hollywood set, and she didn't pimp out her issues to OK! magazine for a million dollars. That aside, Sarah actually did get quite a bit of criticism for having a pregnant teenager — but Lynne probably only watches Entertainment Tonight for her breaking news.
[Source]
Sometimes we are reminded that celebrities (we use this term loosely) are people, too, and are often fighting the same internal battles as the rest of us — and then Michael Lohan comes along and snaps us out of it. See, Mike's father died last night amid a family feud that's been playing out in the media over the last few days. You'd think the passing of a parent might put life into perspective, but for Michael it just sent him over the edge in his quest to burn ex-wife Dina at the cross. Naturally, he issued a statement to OK! within hours of his father's death:
My father just, literally, died in my arms. I notified all my kids and my lawyer notified Dina's attorney. Let's see if she has the decency and respect to bring my kids to the wake and funeral. THIS will show her true colors! Thus, not even a call. But that's par for the course with Dina! She didn't even send a card or visit when he was sick.
Really, there are no words.
[Source]
What's this? Britney Spears is gracing the cover of OK! for the second time in as many weeks?
Just last week the tabloid scored the first interview — paparazzi shouting questions at her doesn't count — with the pop star in a cooperative arrangement, and this week Ms. Spears is showing off her new body in a clear "I've totally turned my life around" cover story.
Oh, Britney. Britney, Britney, Britney. You just make it so easy sometimes. Did you have to include the bag of Cheetos in your "Look, I'm a good mom!" photo shoot?
[Source]
A year after Britney Spears' infamous OK! magazine interview that wasn't, the singer returned to show off her newly acquired basic social skills. Among the self-aware realizations include her desire to keep her kids out of Hollywood: "I'd just as soon they have a more normal childhood," Brit says, scoring points for mothering skills and the ability to form a coherent sentence.
Her father, Jamie, also spoke to the mag, presumably because that's the only way he got a piece of the paycheck:
Kevin [Federline] is all for everything. He wants her to have 50/50 custody. He wants them to raise these kids together. Kevin’s heart is right.
[My relationship with Britney] is new for both of us. She sometimes calls me 50 times a day and asks me things that light my life up. But like all daughters, she is very manipulative and cunning. So she gets what she wants a lot.
Alright Jamie, we'll give you a pass for the Kevin comment because we, too, reached a point where K-Fed seemed like Father of the Year. But you should probably stop talking to the media and get back to work — Brit still has a long way to go.
If you haven't been keeping up with the Anderson Cooper-Lohan family feud, then we'll give you the shortened version: Anderson insulted Dina and Ali on Live with Regis and Kelly, then Dina told OK! magazine something about cruelty and karma, then Anderson responded on 360 by basically laughing at the idiocy of the entire family. Caught up? Good.
We knew it was only a matter of time before Michael Sr. threw his hat into the ring, and he didn't disappoint with his statement to Access Hollywood:
I think Anderson Cooper is an opinionated, hypocritical idiot who should be an adult and keep his opinion to himself. He is the last person to judge anyone, when he and his own family have their own issues.
Because if anyone is in a position to talk about keeping your opinions to himself, it's Michael "I sell my statements to the tabloids" Lohan. Well played.
Anderson, rebuttal?
[Source]
On yesterday's Live with Regis and Kelly, guest co-host Anderson Cooper launched into an attack on the Lohan family, offering up his great Dina impression and nothing this lovely observation: "The only thing I've seen her actually do is sit around in an office reading stuff about her daughter online and then calling the people up like, 'You gotta take that offline.'" Which is perfect, because this is exactly what Dina did — by the end of the day, she had called OK! magazine with an "exclusive" quote about how Anderson has bad karma (we don't even need to go into the pot and kettle introductions). But Anderson has won yet again with his latest opinion on last night's 360. Dina, honey, you're out of your league.
The newest baby to endure public judgment: Levi Alves McConaughey, son of Matthew and Camila. The good news for Levi is he gets to grow up under the tutelage of someone as wise as Mateo, who described the birth as so: "We found a great rhythm. Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music."
We should start some cuteness ranking system with all the OK! babies as of late. That's the only way this infant parade is going to stay entertaining.
All has been quiet on the Britney front when it comes to her emotional recovery, which means it's time for people to start making up stuff. The latest rumor claims Brit suffered a mental breakdown after witnessing sister Jamie Lynn give birth.
After flying back to LA with her father Jamie, Britney spent the following days slowly breaking down and becoming "dazed and distant." Jamie finally found her one night naked on the bathroom floor, "crying hysterically and mumbling to herself about wanting a baby girl." A "source," who was obviously not there at the time, has all of the details of this incident:
Seeing her little sister give birth was too much for Britney. It made her realize what a mess she’s in. She’s insanely jealous of Jamie Lynn having a girl because she’s always been desperate for a daughter. Jamie found her sobbing her heart out and repeating: 'It’s not fair, Dad, it's not fair.'
If this is indeed true (and we highly doubt it is), then no wonder Jamie Lynn's hair was so gray for her OK! shoot.
[Source]
DOWNGRADE "Justin Long may no longer be into Drew Barrymore, but he definitely is into Kirsten Dunst. … 'Justin was holding Kirsten's hand while walking around downtown NYC in the SoHo area,' an eyewitness tells OK!. 'They looked like they had stayed out all night and Justin had bloodshot eyes, but Kirsten was all over him and kept leaning in to kiss him.'"
OK! is quickly leaving behind the world of celebrity gossip to instead report exclusively on celebrity babies, as seen on the cover of the mag's latest issue. After the horror of last week's 80-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears feature, the admittedly beautiful Jessica Alba and baby Honor were a nice welcome this week — until Jess and her dim husband had to open their mouths.
So who does Honor look more like? 'She looks like a girl version of me,' Cash says. 'She has my nose, my eyebrows and my…'
'Forehead and dimples,' Jessica finishes, adding, 'She has my mouth when I was a baby. And my ears.'
'Maybe Honor is a mixture,' Cash reconsiders.
Nothing gets past Cash — you picked a good one, Jess.
What to do when another "Hollywood's Best Dressed Ladies" piece would just be redundant and annoying? If you're OK!, you keep the general idea, but make it even more scummy and predatory, thus yielding "Hollywood's Best Dressed Little Girls." Because a person's never too young to be taught that cool clothes are important.
The endless race for the latest set of exclusive celebrity photos wraps another round, with OK! reportedly snapping up the first pictures of Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves’ son Levi Alves, adding to this week’s long-expected coup of Jamie Lynn Spears’ new daughter Maddie. Of course, this is just a small battle compared to the People v. OK! bidding war for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s new bundle of paydays.
And the price for the pics?
Editor
