Contrary to popular opinion and mountains of photographic evidence, last night it was proven without a doubt that those Olsen chicks actually do smile. This means that they do not only horde money and condescend expensive real estate.

This exhibit also puts to rest claims that Dave "Uncle Joey" Coulier had beaten several of the twins' incisors from their head during a drunken argument at a Full House DVD release party.

More after the jump.

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• How to be sexy lessons from Carmen Electra? How about tolerance classes from David Duke. [HT]

• Johnny about to give Vanessa the world's most coveted surname. [ICYDK]

• Cameron Diaz likes New York sex shows. I thought Giuliani got rid of all the fun stuff. [Yeeeah]

• Photographic evidence of an Olsen nose job. I thought that they looked a little different than they did on Full House. [CityRag]

• One of my most favorite bars in the world poisoned one of my least favorite bands in the world. [TMZ]

Heyyyyyyy! What's the big idea with neither one of them slinking around, making rooms cold and giving people the willies? Now that they both look great—yes, even though she's in that feather duster gown—there's no way to tell which one you're not allowed to invite in.

[Source]

• Something queer is afoot on Saturn. [Queerty]

• Britney's bodyguard getting trigger happy at church. Quick aside: I hope I never see an America where you can't bring your gun into church. [HR]

• Catherine Zeta Jones-Douglas possibly headed back to only three names and slightly smaller business cards. [Glitterati]

• What's good enough for Springsteen's good enough for me, so I can't say anything bad about Stevie Van Zandt. But these people can. [ASL]

• Rose McGowan demanded that nobody else wear red to the Grindhouse premiere. I bet she's amazing in bed. [TS]

• My money's on Dylan. He's such a broken flower. [Jossip]

• It's like they say: the sisters that get cosmetic surgery together struggle through self-doubt together. [DListed]

If your look is Spooky Specter Haunting the Bodega, you've always got to opt for floor length pieces. Otherwise, you lose the illusion of floating, and that knocks haunting down to loitering. Dig? Great. See you in your nightmares, biatches.

[Source]

• Dueling widows (cue the banjos). Howard wins for black on black on black. [People]

• Not kosher, Anna Nicole. [TMZ]

• Sexy Avril Lavigne is like carefree Osama. [Egotastic]

• Jodie Foster's whale tail. You read that right. I thought she was better than this. [ICYDK]

• Philip Bloch proving stylists don't know shit. [Jossip]

• The Olsens have designed a $175 shirt for Barney's. Sources tell MollyGood that this a secret government Stupid Test and that if you buy it they sterilize you. [Us]

• John Galliano has bottled the true essence of his pirate mustache. [ASL]

• DJ Lohan spinning "I Drink Alone," "Cocaine" and "One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Beer" for old times' sake. [PopSugar]

• Richie may be engaged. Still not engaging. [DListed]

• Jael from Top Model 8 has been exploited previously, giving her a leg up in the industry. [CityRag]

• Jessica Simpson in a movie about a talented, naive young woman who becomes a pawn for businessmen. Is this a documentary? [ASL]

• Katherine Heigl learning the hard way that sometimes the homophobes are more integral to the plot. [Jossip]

• No, that's not your nana, that's just an Olsen. [INO]

• They can't get married because Penelope Bloom would sound too much like a children's book heroine. [IDLYITW]

• Jennifer Love Hewitt refuses to show her party of two. [Popoholic]

• Eddie Murphy's not a sore loser; he's just a family man. [SOMG]

• Olsens in Paris. [DS]

• "Victoria Beckham's reality" is oxymoronic. [Jossip]

• Mark Wahlberg uncomfortable with simulating gay sex in Brokeback, fine with simulating straight sex and huge penis in Boogie Nights. [ICYDK]

• What do Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis have in common? That's right: high-class whores. [TC]

• Friends have "studied" the lewd pics of the Idol contestant and swear it's not her. How do they know? "She's never had (acrylic nail) tips" like the ones in the photo. Go, Jersey: distinguishing friends not by face, but by fingernails! [Glitterati]

Because I know people love her and shit, but is Gwyneth putting out a weird Olsen vibe here at her charity auction to benefit cancer research? Maybe it's just the deep red lipstick coupled with all the black that's throwing me off. In which case, that's just something I need to get over, because so many women in New York love to look gloomy and then accentuate their lips. I don't get it. It makes them look like widows who aren't really sad. That's not a cool look. Is it?

[Source]

• Milli Vanilli movie? I wonder if it's a silent film? ZING! (You won't find a better one-liner than that about this. Don't even bother looking.) [ICYDK]

• PETA's pissed at the Olsens, as well as their own ineffectiveness. [CityRag]

• Told you Leibovitz was a hack. [Frillr]

• Keira's breasts small "like a little girl's." Thanks, Humbert. [Egotastic]

• Dudes love this girl. [HT]

• I believe that's called ménage, Linds. [IDLYITW]

• Literally beg to date some Laguna Beach flotsam? I'll pass. I'm holding out for Kurt Loder. [Jossip]

• You're in luck, Kiefer. Chicks dig depictions of violent rage. It's probably due to evolution, though. So, don't get too full of yourself. [ASL]

• Misogyny on the The L Word: "It's an entire show of women. And the amount of egos and insecurities and cattiness that can go on with a bunch of women - that's what you get." Uh oh! Don't kill the messenger. [Glitterati]

• Ummmm…wouldn't eating this cookie be kinda like making fun of taking communion? [INO]

• Booooooooring Olsen stuff. [HT]

• Ivanka v. Paris. We all lose! [TMZ]

• Jay-Z sells a different kind of Coke nowadays. His parties are now more boring because of it. [RD]

• We're looking at you, Stern. [WWTDD]

• Paparazzo profile in the Times. [NYT]

Here's the Olsen twins front and center at the Jenni Kayne show in NYC.

Ummmm…I'm not saying…I'm just saying.