This sophisticated lady, Las Vegas cocktail waitress Caroline Pal, is the latest in a string of women who have captivated the heart of Olympic hero Michael Phelps. And she's not just another notch on his bedpost: Mike took this one home to spend Thanksgiving with his family. We can only hope she swapped out that tired black belt for something more festive and bedazzled.

More pictures of the gentlewoman here.

BAD NEWS FOR ASHLEE SIMPSON • "On the heels of the Olympics Opening Ceremony, for which the cute little singer was revealed to be lip-synching, the Chinese Ministry of Culture says it will name and shame artists who fake it when performing — and repeat offenders could lose their license to perform. According to the Ministry's website, artists must not 'use pre-recorded songs or music to replace live singing or instrument playing' to 'cheat the public.'"

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So here I am, sitting in my living room suffering through an episode of Real Chance of Love (it's all for the good of Reality Bytes!) when Michael Phelps slides across my screen with no pants à la Tom Cruise in Risky Business. There is a Xenu!

Upon further investigating, I discovered that he was picked up alongside Kobe Bryant, Tony Hawk and Mr. Madonna himself, Alex Rodriguez, to promote the new Guitar Hero: World Tour. Out of all the ridiculous commercials Michael's starred in since the Olympics, this one is by far the best. (And, admittedly, most disturbing.)

PHELPS SINKS TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SHALLOW END "Olympic hero Michael Phelps - besides banking a bundle from endorsements - picked up $100,000 for appearing at an LA pool party for a TV network chief's wife and swimming some laps."

Current American superhero Michael Phelps is still using his timely fame to break my heart. This time around he was at Las Vegas' Tao, but he clearly was not interested in the sleazies dancing in the background. Phew.

On another note, who wears a hood over a hat? And indoors? Minus two points, Mike.

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By the time you read this, I will be hopping on a subway headed downtown to meet my future fiance, Michael Phelps. He's hosting an event and doing red carpet interviews, so I am contractually obligated to remain professional and classy for the majority of the evening; there will, however, be an open bar, so I can't promise this self-control will last the entire night. The experience will be a success if he professes his undying love for me. Wish me luck, and I'll have the full write-up for you first thing tomorrow.

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EH, WE STILL DON'T BUY IT "The International Gymnastics Federation has ruled that China did not enter any underage gymnasts at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, the Associated Press reported on Wednesday. 'Originals of official documents received from the Chinese Gymnastics Association, specifically passports, identity cards and family booklets or Household Registers, confirm the ages of the athletes,' the International Gymnastics Federation said in a statement."

LIL' WAYNE HAS THE PHELPS PHEVER, TOO "It’s good to be Michael Phelps. Since … the Beijing Games, the Olympic swimmer has been awarded a $1 million bonus from swimsuit maker Speedo, which he used to start a charitable foundation. He’s graced the cover of 'Sports Illustrated' and hosted 'Saturday Night Live.' But here’s the really good part. Remember how Phelps said Lil’ Wayne kept him company on his iPod in the moments before a race? The hip-hop artist repaid the shout-out with a signed iPod loaded with 40 unreleased tracks. One of them is titled 'Michael Phelps.'"

About a month has passed since the Olympics and Michael Phelps' celebrity is still holding its own — but the appeal of NBC's dolphin boy has already started to wane. Take, for example, this spoof of Grey's Anatomy, featuring the new Dr. McSwimmy. It's cute, sure, but there's only so much a guy with really bad speaking and acting skills can do to stay relevant. Which is why he should look into adopting the "be seen and not heard" policy.

So who caught the season premiere of Saturday Night Live? I watched it on DVR this morning, because I was camping out at Rockefeller Center last night waiting to catch a glimpse of my boyfriend/SNL host Michael Phelps. OK, kidding. But I'd be lying if I said the thought didn't cross my mind. My friends all said the episode was a disappointment, but I consistently laughed throughout the entire show (well, for the most part). That might have something to do with the fact that I will giggle at any joke Michael makes, but there were lots of great moments. Of course, Tina Fey's Sarah Palin impression stole the show, but I also fell in love with the Fancy Pants dance. At left, I present the Michael Phelps diet, which managed to be funny yet also show off Mike's horrible acting/reading skills.

Norwegian physicist Hans Eriksen has done the math and figured out that if Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt hadn't slowed down to showboat, he could have run the 100-meter Olympic final in 9.55 seconds. Even with the showboating, Bolt finished in 9.69 seconds, a new world record.

The moral of the story here is that if you're good enough, you can do whatever the fuck you want and still win.

In a surprising turn of events, our girl crush and our boy crush are planning a "quiet first date" together after someone told Michael Phelps that Carrie Underwood thinks he's cute. The two reportedly started text-messaging, which led to Michael romancing Carrie by requesting that their first date not include dinner: "I’m not so sure you’d want to see me eat! It might not make a great first impression."

Carrie's friends are less than impressed by this development, insisting that she was "devastated when her relationship with Tony Romo broke" and doesn't need another high-profile celebrity waltzing in and out of her life. Except this is Michael Phelps we're talking about — give him a couple more months and he will no longer be high-profile. America has a short attention span.

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America is slowly overdosing on Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps, but it warms our heart to see he's actually doing some good with his popularity, besides just spending his free time rolling around in money and ruining upcoming episodes of SNL.

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• Great moments from the 2008 Olympics. [CityRag]

• Paula Abdul totally hates the new American Idol judge. [INO]

• The greatest love of Brad Pitt's life: George Clooney. [PS]

• Rihanna and Chris Brown are moving in together. We're going to continue not caring. [DListed]

• Pete Doherty desperately tries to stay in the spotlight by selling out Kate Moss and Amy Winehouse. [Yeeeah]

• Jennifer Aniston is sporting a new ring. OMG! Alert the media! [ICYDK]

Pamela Anderson, on the premiere of her new reality show, Girl on the Loose, on Sunday: "PEOPLE BETTER BE WATCHNG THE OLYMPICS INSTEAD OF MY SHOW!!! You know how E replays things over and over — if people are interested it's always around."

America took Pam's advice and turned away in droves! In fact, more viewers tuned in for the season premiere of C-grade schlock Sunset Tan than for GotL, which you better check out soon if you have any interest at all. Contrary to what Pammy thinks, it's unlikely it will "always" be around.

PHELPS, GHOSTWRITER IN THE MONEY "Michael Phelps, winner of eight gold medals in Beijing and the man being hailed as the greatest Olympian of all time, … snagged an estimated $1.6 million advance from the Free Press imprint of Simon & Schuster for his latest book, to be called 'Built to Succeed.' Waxman Literary Agency, working with Phelps' long-time talent manager Peter Carlisle of Octagon, brokered the deal, which had a $1 million floor price just to get into the hunt."

• This girl needs to back off of Michael Phelps immediately or there's going to be trouble. [DListed]

• Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo hang out with Lindsay and Samantha in a desperate attempt to stay relevant. [PS]

• Felicity Huffman must have a death wish. [Yeeeah]

• Paula Abdul is undergoing neck surgery, because how else is she going to get more painkillers? [ICYDK]

• There's cheerleading in the Olympics? Really? [CityRag]

• Katherine Heigl got into a small tiff with a cop. Unfortunately, it didn't end in an arrest. [INO]

Olympian Amanda Beard told Access Hollywood yesterday that her strong protestations ("Eww, that's nasty") against rumors she is dating American hero Michael Phelps were not due to Phelps' physical appearance, as many presumed. Instead, Beard says her apparent disgust at the thought of getting romantic with Phelps stems from the fact that she's known the younger swimmer since he was a boy, thus forcing her to think of him as "a little brother."

Especially if one doesn't heavily consider the part when Beard said, "Come on, I have really good taste," this actually sounds like it could be a legitimate case of comments being misconstrued. Assuming it is, what does it say about the general public opinion that so many quickly concluded Beard was calling Phelps ugly?