Scientology's biggest advocate and worst spokesperson, Tom Cruise, is addressing that whole misunderstanding in which he jumped up and down on Oprah's couch like a crazy person. Of course, none of it makes much sense:

There are things that I could have done better. I could have handled things better. I was surprised at the criticism but it brought everyone closer together: Katie's entire family and my family. Going through that stuff is not pleasant and I think it hit an extreme, but Kate's a very sure and confident and strong woman. She gets it, you know.

She gets that you're insane? That's good. And on to daughter Suri, who is constantly paraded in front of the paparazzi like a circus pony:

I don't want her to be afraid of people. I'm not going to live in fear or have her be frightened of people. She's very open and warm with lots of love and understanding. She's happy and fun. She'll just wave to people in the street.

Fair enough, Tom, but remember: It's one thing to raise a child to be friendly, it's another to raise a child to be emotionally unstable. We have a feeling you're teetering on the latter scenario.

See these smiling, joyous faces? They won't be around this year, because Oprah is no longer doing her Favorite Things, thanks to the flatlining economy. Well, technically she is, but it's all going to be stuff she dug out of a dumpster in her studio's back alley. According to Harpo, the show "will showcase some of Winfrey's things that cost next to nothing, including a special gift that won't cost a thing."

Did you hear that? Hugs for everyone!

[Source]

We didn't watch the entire Brad Pitt/Oprah interview because, frankly, how many times can one person listen to these people without punching a small child? It's the same thing every time, with random "uncool"s thrown in to keep us interested. But this show was actually interesting for a couple minutes thanks to one of the creepiest fans allowed on daytime television. Christina from California popped up via Skype to proudly reveal way too much Brad Pitt knowledge and then force the man to discuss his tattoos, which he was clearly uncomfortable doing. We're not sure why he flat out refused to answer her question, but the creepier she became, the more we understood. Good luck with that restraining order, Christina.

Jennifer Aniston took some time out from calling Angelina Jolie "uncool" to guest star on 30 Rock. Get this: She played a deranged stalker who is in love with a man who's no longer interested in her. Crazy, right?

Anyway, she did a decent job because there's a select few characters at which Aniston excels — and this is one of them. It still feels like she's playing Rachel at all times, but it worked in this scenario. Unfortunately for the show, her appearance failed to boost ratings in the wake of Oprah's legendary guest appearance from last week. Cue the Brangaloonies and Perez Hilton, who will surely say this is all Jen's fault and she can't do anything right.

THANK GOODNESS "Oprah's crying shoulder has been identified. The man she was photographed sobbing on during President Elect Barack Obama's Grant Park rally, is volunteer Sam Perry, the Chicago Sun-Times reported on Thursday. According to the Sun-Times, Perry will appear on the Oprah Winfrey Show on Friday. "

• Jessica Simpson continues to make weird faces while she sings. [HT]

• Diddy steps in dog poop. There is a Xenu! [DListed]

• Nobody calls John Mayer anymore, poor thing. [PS]

• Oprah filmed a guest stint on 30 Rock. If she's not giving away free stuff, we don't care. [INO]

• Alex Rodriguez and his ex-wife amicably settled their divorce case. Well, that was boring. [ICYDK]

• Pamela Anderson is the queen of aging gracefully. [Yeeeah]

[Source]

• The littlest Palin lady is the only one we can stomach. [DListed]

• Eva Longoria denies the pregnancy rumors: "I’m just fat. I gained 5lb over the summer so instead of a size zero, I’m a size one." [INO]

• Jennifer Aniston stays relevant by playing in the sprinklers. [HT]

• Kid Rock vs. Oprah … We have a feeling this isn't going to go well for the Kid. [ICYDK]

• Forget those new 90210 twerps; we'll take Adam Brody any day. [PS]

• Keira Knightley was verbally attacked by a someone, but she surprisingly survived without collapsing into a pile of malnourished bones. [Yeeeah]

THAT'S ONE WAY OF PUTTING IT "Emotional stars like Oprah Winfrey and Kanye West had nothing but praise for Barack Obama's acceptance speech in Denver Thursday night. 'Just seeing him on stage, I cried my eyelashes off,' Winfrey told Entertainment Tonight backstage at Invesco Field."

Update: Go here for video.

OPRAH AVOIDS OVERSHADOWING OBAMA "Oprah Winfrey, one of the country's largest celebrities who knows it, has decided to skip the spotlight at her man Barack Obama's big acceptance speech on the Denver football field during the Democratic National Convention in two weeks. The top daytime TV talk-show diva is reportedly afraid she'd draw away some of the natural luminescence of his nomination event that officially starts the fall's general election campaign against presumed Republican nominee, Sen. John McCain, who'll be nominated a week later in St. Paul."

THE POWER OF 'THE O' IS REAL "Politicians and pundits routinely claim that celebrity endorsements have little sway on voters, and two economists set out recently to test the premise. What they found was that at least one celebrity does hold influence in the voting booth: Oprah Winfrey. The economists, Craig Garthwaite and Timothy Moore of the University of Maryland, College Park, contend that Ms. Winfrey’s endorsement of Barack Obama last year gave him a boost of about one million votes in the primaries and caucuses."

What the hell is wrong with Dr. Phil? First he attempted to cash in on Britney Spears' epic mental breakdown and now he's moved on to poor Mindy McCready.

The country singer is rumored to be in a Texas rehab center that specializes in drug addiction and mental health issues — that's a step in the right direction. What's not right is Dr. Phil's involvement in the entire process, including a visit to the rehab center. After Mindy's spent her 30 days in the clinic she'll tape an appearance on The Dr. Phil Show to explain how she doesn't think she has a problem. Which … makes entirely no sense.

Oprah, we blame you.

[Source]

LET THE HOOPLA CONTINUE "Thomas Beatie — the 34-year-old former woman turned transgendered pregnant man who went on Oprah — has given birth to a biological girl."

Angelina Jolie has always been open about her life before becoming Mother Teresa 2.0, so it was no surprise when she gave details on a former knife experiment gone wrong.

When I was 14, I collected knives. My first boyfriend and I ended up getting into some fighting in bed and being silly. People think that happens every time I go to bed.

It was actually something he never wanted to do again. It was a mistake and we really hurt ourselves. It was just being young, you know, when you're curious about vampires and that kind of thing. Just experimenting. It was an accident and I ended up in hospital.

The fact that she was doing this at the age of 14 — even younger than Miley Cyrus — is slightly disturbing, but what's even more fascinating is the fact that she completely recovered from a not-so-normal past to become one of the most successful celebrities in the world. Which got us thinking of a few other women who have bounced back from their own personal tragedies. Feel free to disagree or throw in your own suggestions.

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Remember when everyone was saying that Oprah's vocal support of Barack Obama alienated her fan base and caused her ratings to dip? Yeah, there's a lot of reasons that's a wrong opinion for people to have, but, even if it is true, Oprah apparently just don't give a fuck:

[Obama] was named the Democrat party's candidate for the presidency on Tuesday (03Jun08).

And Winfrey couldn't be happier the 46-year-old is one step closer to the White House.

In a statement, she says, "I'm euphoric, I've been doing the happy dance all day.

"I'm so proud of Barack and Michelle (Obama's wife) and what this means for all of us… the new possibilities for our country. And if he wants me to, I'm ready to go door to door."

Victoria Beckham, Jennifer Lopez, Brooke Shields, Sumner Redstone, Steven Spielberg, Oprah Winfrey, Gayle King, and Kirstie Alley were among the A-listers who attending TomKat's big Beverley Hills housewarming party. Page Six, however, also spotted "all the gays, which was hilarious because Scientology 'cures' gays."

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The New York Times Magazine can't be serious. There's no way. Why on earth would the mag put Tyra Banks on the same cover as the words "Oprah" and "Martha"? Unless the staff is referring to the ladies' obvious similarities. Remember that time Martha went undercover as a homeless woman for a few hours to discover the injustices of America? And remember when Oprah took off her jeans on national television? Or how about when Martha ripped a loose thread off a fake Chinatown handbag and proceeded to floss her teeth with it? So many groundbreaking moments of television, so little time …

Yay! Fox News is being divisive again, adopting weird reasoning for something that's happened in order to smear their current target of choice: Barack Obama.

According to the three loons hosting the clip after the jump, Oprah's unabashed support of Obama for the presidency might very well have played a part in her most recent rating's decline.

As one of the frothing hosts so delicately puts it: "Middle-aged white women" are steadfastly refusing to get down with black Obama and his black friends.

"But Oprah's ratings have been declining for three years now—well before she supported Obama," one might exclaim whilst considering this case. One might also mention that television viewership has been dropping across the board. Both of which are true. Nevertheless, Fox says it all has to do with old white people liking their Oprah fat and docile, not lippy and political.

Interestingly enough, that's also the way Fox likes its old white people.

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• It's the Real World awards, but way better than that televised nonsense. [MTV]

• From diva to anti-crack spokesperson: The evolution of Whitney Houston. [SH]

• Oprah Winfrey puts her money where her mouth is and becomes a vegan for 21 days. [ICYDK]

• Just in time for your holiday weekend: Guess the celebrity beach body. [PS]

• Adam Sandler's popping out another kid. Well, technically it's his wife that's doing the popping, but you know what we mean. [INO]

• Sex and the City ruins life and turns teenagers into whores. Or something like that. [DListed]