When was the last time you were forced to read a bad pun in Page Six regarding oil billion-heir (see?) Brandon Davis and the amount of shiny grease in his hair? Get it, because he's got oil money, and his hair is oily. Oy vey.
You might not be so happy at first to see Davis' name in print: He's pretty much disappeared after calling Lindsay Lohan a fire-crotch, but then you realize that he's only being mentioned because of his recent string of bad luck and insane debt, and your Monday just started out a little better, right?
Hey, we wouldn't blame her. And (the former?!??!) Mrs. Edwards has been attending a lot of events on her own recently, including the New Yorker Festival.
And now Elizabeth has been spotted out on the town without her wedding ring. Well, according to Page Six (but they got it from the Washington Post!).
ANONYMOUS MANHATTAN GARBAGE PICKER TARGETING CELEBS "Celebrities who live in Greenwich Village may want to run out and buy paper shredders. Their garbage is being sifted through by creepy trash-trollers who want to bare their secrets. One recent victim is Mary-Louise Parker, the sexy star of Showtime's 'Weeds,' who lives in a luxury apartment building overlooking Washington Square Park. An anonymous letter was sent to Page Six from someone who claims to have sifted through the actress' refuse and included photocopies of Parker's drug prescription receipts from Bigelow Pharmacy on Sixth Avenue."
Still following Madonna brother Chris Ciccone’s lengthy press tour? Well, we are, so suffer with us, will you?
After hitting up Good Morning America and Chelsea Lately to promote a tell-all about his singer sister, Ciccone now sits down — or, rather, has sat down — with the barely-there Page Six Magazine.
If you’re like us, you want to go straight to the end, so here it is, as told by a press release:
[Ciccone] knows the book won’t bring them closer together, and she’ll probably be furious. Christopher, however, is optimistic. 'Look, I don’t think the book is going to make us closer at this point,' he says. 'But when she reads it and finds out what I was going through and who I am as a person… well, I just don’t think anything bad can come of that.'
“When she reads it?” Oh, you dear, dear boy…
The terrorists have won: Rumor has it Heidi Montag was invited to attend the White House Correspondents gala. Unfortunately for absolutely no one, Heidi backed out because nobody would pay for boyfriend Spencer Pratt to shadow her.
MSNBC had invited Montag to be a guest at its table at the Washington Hilton. 'Then Spencer got involved as her manager,' a source told Page Six. 'He demanded first-class tickets for both him and Heidi — even though he wasn't invited.'
When the network balked, Pratt canceled Montag's appearance, claiming, according to our source, 'It wasn't "A-listy" enough.'
MSNBC understandably denied ever having invited them, but a rep for Speidi (read: Spencer) said that there was simply a scheduling conflict — but they always travel together. Of course they do! Heidi would sit with a blank stare on her face without Spencer around to tell her what to feel/think/say.
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Kristin Davis, the Sex and the City actress responsible for kicking off this week's sex tape/photo scandals, is still denying it's her in the pictures that have been making the rounds on the Internet. At this point she's the only one who thinks it isn't her in the photos, because we all have eyes.
But the biggest mystery involves the anonymous man also starring in the pictures — and why they are just now being released (besides, of course, to drum up publicity for the SATC movie). Page Six has identified the man as Eric Stapleman, a Santa Fe "no-scent" restaurant owner. Which kind of automatically makes him a tool.
Stapleman is claiming he gave the photos to a friend because he was mad at Kristin. Naturally. Then someone stole the shots from said friend, and voila! Instant publicity for a middle-aged has-been.
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It's the end of an era*:
First on Jossip: The New York Post’s attempt to take on TMZ.com is officially offline. We hear from inside the PageSix.com hen house that they’ve abandoned their online effort, effective immediately. The announcement was just made internally. Visitors to PageSix.com are redirected to Page Six proper. So, what, no more infighting?
*And by era, of course, we mean a few months of desperate attempts to take down Harvey Levin.
CONFIRMED "Dirty Dancing star Patrick Swayze has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and might only have weeks to live, a rep for the star said today. The 55-year-old star's publicist confirmed to Page Six that he’s suffering from pancreatic cancer, which could tragically bring down the curtain on his remarkably diverse career. Patrick was diagnosed with the cancer more than a month ago. The average life expectancy is six to nine months, with only 4 percent of patients living more than five years."
ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE From Page Six's "Sightings" section: "Two dozen wounded soldiers from Iraq, on leave from the Walter Reed military hospital in DC, at the Hustler Club, showing their appreciation to the saintly strippers by branding them with Marine Corps stickers on their breasts and derrières."
If you would, please help us decipher what this small item running in today's Page Six is getting at.
Bill Murray - who was ticketed last year in Sweden for drunken driving in a golf cart - had onlookers snickering when he was escorted outside for some "fresh air." The comic and his "lady friend" were sipping wine at the Bond Street restaurant in the Thompson Beverly Hills hotel last week when, according to our source, "Bill had to have a hotel employee help them outside to the balcony." We're told he "got some fresh air" and ordered another glass of wine before heading back inside.
Why is "fresh air" placed accusingly in quotation marks? Was Mr Murray presumed to be doing something on the balcony besides getting some fresh air? Was he presumed to be doing drugs? Was he drunk? If so, why did they serve him another glass of wine? And why were other patrons "snickering" at him? Why did we just put "snickering" in quotes? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Today, for some reason, Page Six takes great issue with inaccuracies found in the film The Great Debaters, the semi-true story about America's first championship, black debate team.
Besides the fact that it's a movie about black people, the Sixers are also steaming mad that, for the film, director Denzel Washington chose Harvard to be the home of America's reigning debate champions. In actuality, it was the University of Southern California. Why this matters to the New York Post we do not know.
And then there's this: "In another glaring error, the black team couldn't even have called themselves victors as they did in the movie because blacks were not truly considered part of college debating circles until after World War II." OH! So even though they did win, they couldn't say they did, because people didn't even acknowledge their humanity until the 50s, and animals can't be winners. Thanks, Page Six.
Damning testimony in Page Six claims MySpace celebrity, VH1 oddity and abominable human being Tila Tequila is also a deceiver, toying with the hearts of the men and women vying for her love on her reality show, A Shot at Love.
Post sources say, for over a year, Tequila has been in a relationship with a man whom she has no plans of leaving, and they assert she's not even a bisexual but instead a straight woman!
On top of all that, people say she's a real pain in the ass on-set.
Counterpoint: "A rep for Tequila said, 'I'll confirm that she's bisexual and she's a delight to work with.'" Confirm away! Then put it on her MySpace.
In a new interview, Zahara Jolie-Pitt's biological mother revealed that Zahara is the product of a sexual assault. Mentwabe Dawit said she became pregnant with Zahara after being raped at knifepoint in Ethiopia. In light of the news, today Page Six called Zahara a "'Rape' Baby." Happy Thanksgiving.
If Page Six's celebrity sightings are relegated to this, then the terrorists have indeed won:
Dustin Diamond, who played Screech on "Saved by the Bell," riding shotgun in a minivan near Lincoln Center, leaning out the window and spitting on the street.
This is not our New York. This is but a shell.
As a devastating fire continues to rip through Malibu's manicured mansions, wealthy residents of Southern California must now face more tragic news: Ellen DeGeneres may be a habitually irresponsible pet owner. Today's Page Six offers these harrowing details:
Kerri Randles says she gave DeGeneres a male mutt named Stormy two years ago, only to find out less than two months later that fickle Ellen had re-gifted him to a member of her staff.
DeGeneres may have passed along several other dogs over the years. Howard Stern said on his Sirius show that he'd heard she had done this nine times before.
The plot, she thickens.
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Sorry, Page Six, but it's anachronistic and weird to do a blind item today obscuring a story you reported two weeks ago.
From September 25, 2007:
Our spies…spotted [Heath Ledger] leaving the Beatrice Inn in the West Village early Sunday morning, looking for a fresh catch. "He wasn't drinking, but he was there with his friend," we're told. "The friend chased two girls as they were leaving and gave them Heath's address. He told them to meet at Heath's new apartment in SoHo."
From today:
Which recently separated star had his sidekick secure two young ladies to join him for a wild night back at his new bachelor pad?
Fuckin' interns.
It would appear that Jayden and Sean are well aware of their ex-bodyguard's frightening new accounts, published today in Page Six: "…at times she would drive through town and go into oncoming traffic and we just didn't understand what she was doing or what her motivation was." Why, paranoia and vertigo caused by drug abuse and constant attention, of course.
Under here, more of these cute li'l babes bracing for impact.
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According to Page Six, "It's too early to talk about a romance" between British race car driver Lewis Hamilton and supermodel Naomi Campbell. Of course, this reticence is closely followed by talk of a romance:
…attendees at last week's GQ Man of the Year awards in London couldn't help noticing that Naomi Campbell hit it off with…Lewis Hamilton. "They were flirting outrageously," one guest said. "They sat together during the dinner and Naomi presented Lewis with the Best Sportsman of the Year award. He then invited her to the Brazilian Grand Prix in October, which she duly accepted."
At 22, Hamilton is 15 years Campbell's junior, but such a large age gap is negligible for celebrities, who all face arrested development. Instead, Hamilton should focus on being absolutely certain he's stronger than Campbell and fast enough to outrun a hurtling BlackBerry.
After the jump, more from the GQ awards.
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