Perhaps it was foolish to have even a semblance of faith in Paris "Seriously, I'm Sorry" Hilton. Yes, the statistics contradict her promises, but trusting in math alone makes the whole world bored; and viscerally, for a moment there, didn't you think she might actually turn the proverbial new leaf? In today's Page Six, there's a report that she is turning leaves—many, actually. Unfortunately, they're tightly wrapped in Zig-Zag paper.
Paris Hilton seems to be up to her old tricks again. Although she told Larry King she'd never done drugs, the newly spiritual heirhead emerged from an SUV in front of Hollywood club Teddy's the other night in what witnesses describe as a cloud of marijuana smoke. "She took a huge puff off of a joint, then opened the door and exhaled the pot smoke basically in my face," one clubgoer told us.
Hello, Nihilism? Are you looking for new followers? Do you even care?
[Source]
Page Six is reporting that Ivanka Trump is secretly in the running for the vacant spot on The View, left open weeks ago after the mercurial Rosie O'Donnell departed.
The National Enquirer reports that Barbara Walters wants to hire the "hottie with brains" to stick it to Paris Hilton and her parents for their shabby treatment of her when they were trying to sell the Paris post-prison interview. But our sources say Walters is still sore at Donald Trump for calling her a liar during his feud with O'Donnell and will never hire a Trump. "It ain't gonna happen," said one insider. Still in the running: Gale King, Whoopi Goldberg, Kathy Griffin and another longshot, Mario Cantone.
Not sure "hottie with brains" is an accurate description. But that aside: Mario Cantone? Hey, GLAAD, The View is considering gay guys as hosts for an all female show, meaning that they're subtly saying gay dudes are practically not men. Hello?
Page Six is reporting that Mariah Carey has finished filming Tennessee, her sophomore film effort following her "terrible mistake" Glitter. To quote the Post: "Word from the set is she's 'really, really good' in it - 'It might be the cinema equivalent to the Red Sox winning the World Series,' we're told. Correct me if I'm wrong, as I'm not a sports buff, but weren't the Red Sox consistently good and close to winning the World Series on several occasions? I'm going to say this analogy is not apt. In fact, I decry this analogy as false.
More under here.
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From today's Page Six:
Is there a beef between Madonna and Janet Jackson? Madge was chummy with fellow singer Shakira at Butter Monday night (our spy said they showed up "hand in hand") and was spotted dancing on banquettes with Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher and Penelope Cruz. But Jackson was holed up a few booths down and, "She was not invited to join Madonna's crew," said an onlooker…
Two people in the same industry didn't hang out together so it should assumed that "beef" exists? If one accountant sees another accountant at a bar and doesn't invite him over is there "beef"? I think the only meat that was there was all that Kabbalah bologna.
There's more.
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Page Six is reporting that Paris Hilton may not see as a priority the upkeep of her wheezing, thirsty menagerie of living accessories. According to their sources, Paris' animals are frequently getting loose and, in one instance, subsequently being run over.
Shelby Segall, whose yard borders Hilton's, tells The Post's Marianne Garvey: "She treats her animals horribly. They are always getting out and running around the neighborhood. She had a little orange kitty about a year ago that kept getting out and we kept telling her it was outside. She didn't seem like she cared, and then one day the cat got run over in the middle of the street and died. Not long after, little [Chihuahua] Tinkerbell came to my door and I left a note on her gate. Her assistant came over frantic and tried to offer me a $40 reward. I said, 'Don't insult me.' " Another neighbor said, "I found two little Chihuahuas of hers running up and down the street with cars and people going up and down. I put them in my bathroom and called Paris. Her assistant answered and said, 'You can't drop them off! Miss Hilton isn't home!' She took three hours to come get them. Meanwhile she lives five houses away.
Asked for comment about her negligence, Paris said, "No fucking shit, Sherlock! I'm an STD patient, the star of a couple sex tapes and I'm currently in jail. Sometimes I drop the ball!"
More peeved pets under here.
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As pride parades nationwide ready themselves to march, another voice has cut the brief—and welcome—silence surrounding "faggotgate," reminding us that the festivities have some ugly origins. This time, however, the cacophony comes not from a Grey's Anatomy cast member, but an angry lesbian; and she's not calling for Isaiah Washington's head, but instead for him to be forgiven and reinstated to the medical drama. Page Six reports:
Jasmyne Cannick, who worked with Washington on the Pan African Arts Festival, said she's infuriated ABC booted Washington from the show's upcoming fourth season for calling Knight a "faggot" during a scuffle on the set and believes it smacks of racism. So she's launched a petition - which had 1,233 signatures as of last night - to get the actor his job back.
The petition says Washington's firing "further adds to a disturbing new trend at ABC wherein minority actors have been dismissed at an alarming rate over the past two years. Blacks, including . . . Star Jones ('The View'), Harold Perrineau ('Lost'), Alfre Woodard, Mehcad Brooks and Page Kennedy ('Desperate Housewives') have been let go . . . One must ask themselves, what is going on? . . . While we don't approve of [Washington's] use of the F-word at the Golden Globes, Washington has since apologized and gone on to perform community service by way of a public service announcement for the very organizations that have been orchestrating his dismissal. But it seems it wasn't enough."
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Eva Longoria, whose celebrity status apparently affords her the right to steal some of the spotlight from fiance Tony Parker's teammates, is being warned by "pals" to not go through with her wedding. Page Six reports:
"[Parker] is just not gracious," one of them said. "He puts himself ahead of her. He always orders at restaurants before her and is rude to waiters. We just don't have a good feeling about him."
Women's lib kinda nullifies the "ordering before her" argument, but the way a person treats waiters is hugely important to notice when judging their character. And considering that Parker is French, his rudeness—if it exists—is amplified by at least five times. They're both condescending, but "garçon" is far worse than "boy."
More parade float showboating under here.
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Katherine Heigl has reportedly banned women from coming on to her musician fiance Josh Kelley's tour bus after once hearing "giggling voices" in the background of a phone call. This from Page Six:
"About a year ago, I called him on his tour bus and heard giggling voices in the background," the "Knocked Up" beauty tells next month's Glamour. "After that, I said, 'No more girls on the bus.' If the boys in the band want to meet girls, they can go to a local bar."
No word as to whether or not Kelley agreed to comply with Heigl's demand, though considering that his music is this pussy (he sings about getting sentimental over camera phone pictures) and his blazer sleeves get hiked up to his elbows, it's probably safe to assume that his bus is now an estrogen free zone.
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• Tammy Faye's not doing so well. [DListed]
• Encino Man? More like Encino God. [BWE]
• Lohan's dad talks to the media more than he talks to her and people are still going, "I wonder why that little girl is so crazy." [Glitterati]
• Can you believe FHM put a girl with huge breasts on the cover again! [HT]
• Calum Best has a lot of secrets. The most important one being how the fuck he got me to know his name. [ICYDK]
• Paris' cell mate is not going to be a 250 lb rapist as was previously reported. [Yeeeah]
• This took too much time to compile. [CityRag]
• Don't worry Page Six, I can't believe that doofus gets laid, either. [Jossip]
Today, people will find it even more difficult to look at awkward twitcher Paula Abdul without laughing, as Page Six has obtained a tape of her having a complete breakdown. Here's the scoop:
Abdul, who seems to be talking to a group of publicists at some point during the last week, trashes her former rep, Howard Bragman; reveals she's dealing with challenging medical problems; and states she's had enough of the terrible treatment she receives from the "people who are supposed to be taking care of things."
She sobs on the tape: "I've never been treated this way and I've never seen anybody treated this way. This is just too much to stomach."
Ranting about Bragman, who apparently didn't appreciate her enough, the petite former pop star says: "I do a call-in every week for OK! Magazine on 'American Idol.' Because of my brilliant job, they want to do a cover on me. I'm being told by Howard Bragman that I'm too old and no one will ever want to do a cover.
"I don't understand how this man can call me a whining bitch. I've never in my life been called a whining bitch and a loser."
Badmouthing an ex-employee over speaker phone to a room full of people while shrieking "I don't understand how this man can call me a whining bitch"? Brilliant.
A secret Mollygood source revealed that Page Six actually didn't receive the whole recorded conversation. Here, exclusively, is the rest of her complaint:
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It looks like Clive Davis—like many other people with ears—is not waiting for Kelly Clarkson's new album, My December, with baited breath. Says Page Six:
Davis, who runs Sony BMG, slammed Clarkson at a company retreat in April, saying she can't produce hits.
And music industry insiders were dumbfounded when Davis took the stage during the "American Idol" finale to plug Taylor Hicks and Katharine McPhee's new singles, but failed to mention Clarkson's third album, "My December," which debuts in June.
Our insider said, "She wrote all of the second album herself - including the hits 'Because of You,' 'Behind These Hazel Eyes' and 'Walk Away.' Clive hated 'Because of You' so much, he would routinely mock it in meetings. It was one of her most successful singles."
The source added, "Kelly wanted to make a deeply personal record…"
Let's hope Kelly delves as deep into her personal life for My December as she did to come up with pure gold like this:
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Today's Page Six reports that Lindsay Lohan was seen out in New York Thursday evening guzzling vodka directly from the bottle, despite the fact that she's a 20-year-old alcoholic.
Lindsay Lohan partied without Calum Best the other night, but friends say the two are "still going strong." The unstoppable starlet hit the Anchor Bar on Spring Street with two pals and was spotted "drinking vodka straight from the bottle."
Lindsay's mother/manager Dina Lohan couldn't be reached for comment, as she doesn't give a fuck.
[Source]
Petra Nemcova—tsunami survivor and children's charity supporter—may be falling in to the shallow end. Here's the scoop from Page Six:
The tsunami-surviving supermodel, who just broke up with fey singer James Blunt, rebounded with Paris Hilton's ex, Stavros Niarchos. Our eagle-eyed spy caught the two making out at Bungalow 8 recently as they partied with Niarchos' oil-heir friend Brandon Davis. "She was grinding him," our witness said. "It was pretty gross. I mean, he used to sleep with Paris. Eww."
Petra should know that surviving a devastating tsunami is one thing, but trying to stay whole, decent and kind amongst the bunch of sedentary drinkers she's fallen in with is going to be one of the hardest fights of her life.
Because a loving God wouldn't drown the earth in blond drunks, some of the craftier ones have to be doing double duty in order to imbrue as much territory as possible. That's why these "two" are never hanging out!
[Source]
A new article in Page Six is making Sheryl Crow look more ridiculous than she did after composing that aural drill bit "Soak Up the Sun."
The save-the-environment rocker who's on a "Stop Global Warming College Tour" with Laurie David and just proposed a limit on toilet paper usage is a big gas-guzzler. Her performance rider demands for each show include three tractor trailers, four buses and six cars for her entourage, TheSmokingGun.com reports. She also insists on 12 bottles of Grolsch beer, six bottles of "local" beer and a bottle each of "good Australian Cabernet" and "good Merlot." Crow's flack said the rider was "an old one from 10 years ago" but declined to show us a current one.
If that rider is an "old one from 10 years ago," what's changed? Has she stopped touring on buses?
Sheryl, maybe you should soak up some forethought and stay out of the sun for a while. It sounds like you may be getting heat stroke.
Today Page Six reports that Britney Spears' father, Jamie Spears, is publicly apologizing on behalf of his family to recently fired Spears manager Larry Rudolph. In his apology, Jamie also calls Britney "out of control."
Jamie Spears told us in an e-mail: "When Larry Rudolph talked Britney into going into rehab, he was doing what her mother, father and team of professionals with over 100 years of experience knew needed to be done. She was out of control. Larry was the one chosen by the team to roll up his sleeves and deliver the message, to help save her life.
"The Spears family would like to publicly apologize to Larry for our daughter's statements about him over the past few weeks. Unfortunately, she blames him and her family for where she is at today with her kids and career. Larry has always been there for Britney. For this, we will forever be grateful to him."
Hey, Jamie, even after releasing this useless statement, most people are still only going to know you as "Britney Spears' dad." It's probably best to shut up and not bite the hand that handsomely feathers your retirement nest.
[Source]
Today, Page 6 is reporting on a recent interview Lindsay Lohan completed with Allure, in which she states that she considers her friends to be "unsafe" when not in her charge.
Lindsay Lohan says she takes on the role of protector to her friends and family. "When my friends and family are around me I feel like they're safe . . . When my friends have left me - I've just seen everything collapse. They're not safe without me," the starlet eerily told the magazine. Lohan also discussed her quick stint in rehab, explaining that she doesn't plan to stop going out to clubs and partying and declaring, "That's my life!"
Wasn't that Lindsay Lohan found passed out in a hotel hallway? Now, I'm sure that things can get rock bottom-er, but who the hell has the nerve to make grand statements like people are "not safe without me," while simultaneously ignoring the times they've been found incapacitated in public places?
Lindsay being her brother's keeper is like Darfur tucking in Iraq.
• Brad's bummed people are picking on Angie. I've got a solution, dude: go chill on your $268 million yacht and tell the world to eat your wildly rich shit. [DListed]
• Desperate Housewives live for shit like this. [PopSugar]
• Warring to decide who first printed that Jared Leto's mediocre in the sack. [Jossip]
• You've gotta feel slightly bad for him at this point. [INO]
• Reg is coming back, baby! [HR]
• Paris is afraid jail time might taint her image. Umm, Paris, people are still taking pictures of you everywhere you go and you have a sex tape out, alleged venereal diseases, publicized pictures of your rampant drug abuse and video evidence of you dancing around while screaming "nigger." As much as it pains me to say it, jail isn't going to taint your image. [IDLYITW]
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