• Your first look at Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland. Needless to say, this movie is going to be awesome. [ICYDK]

• Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson's baby refuses to come out. We don't blame him. [PS]

• The Kardashian sisters and a washed-up Laguna Beach star posing for pictures on the beach. If that's not newsworthy, we don't know what is. [HT]

• Vivienne Westwood must be really desperate. [INO]

• The Victoria's Secret fashion show: Because there's nothing sexier than 50-pound wings attached to a 90-pound girl. [Yeeeah]

• Courtney Love spent her Sunday writing up 60 (60!) posts for her MySpace blog in a matter of hours. [DListed]

• Britney Spears' new single is upon us. It makes our brain hurt, but it's going to be huge, because it's Brit and she didn't shave her head. [PS]

• Pamela Anderson wants to pose nude for Playboy one last time. Um … no. [Yeeeah]

• The going rate for being married to Chris Kattan: $100,000 for less than two months. Not bad. [DListed]

• Lindsay Lohan took out an "order of protection" against her starved-for-attention father, Michael. Can we do the same thing so we never have to hear from him again? [INO]

• Christina Aguilera is turning into Lady GaGa. [HT]

• 90210's Shenae Grimes is really unlikeable and wants you to stop hating. Duly noted. [ICYDK]

Pamela Anderson debuted a new date yesterday at the Vivienne Westwood show during London Fashion Week. Nightmare-inducing disguise aside, we can't blame the guy for being ashamed to be seen with Pam in public.

[Source]

• Jessica Simpson continues to make weird faces while she sings. [HT]

• Diddy steps in dog poop. There is a Xenu! [DListed]

• Nobody calls John Mayer anymore, poor thing. [PS]

• Oprah filmed a guest stint on 30 Rock. If she's not giving away free stuff, we don't care. [INO]

• Alex Rodriguez and his ex-wife amicably settled their divorce case. Well, that was boring. [ICYDK]

• Pamela Anderson is the queen of aging gracefully. [Yeeeah]

[Source]

This classy portrait (by David LaChapelle) of a topless Pam Anderson enjoying a relaxing spray-on tan was expected to draw up to $25,000 at Sotheby's Contemporary Art sale. We're curious as to what kind of person has 25 grand to spend on artwork yet also chooses to blow that money on a Pam Anderson piece.

The photo dates back to 2004, when Pam still wasn't relevant but well-known for her orange glow and huge boobs. You can see those in the uncensored picture below.

• Why this Big Mac addict isn't dead yet is beyond us. [DListed]

• Lindsay Lohan says what we're all thinking about father Michael: "We've gone through enough with him. Enough is enough — until he decides to be a grown-up." [PS]

• Amy Winehouse trashed a hotel room and had to be wrapped up in a duvet so her handlers could carry her out. Good for you, Amy! [Yeeeah]

• Are we going crazy or does Aubrey O'Day look less like a drag queen than usual? [INO]

• Will Smith gets mocked by a German TV host, and it's awesome. [CityRag]

• Pamela Anderson is not dating Michael Jackson. Praise Xenu. [ICYDK]

Pamela Anderson, on the premiere of her new reality show, Girl on the Loose, on Sunday: "PEOPLE BETTER BE WATCHNG THE OLYMPICS INSTEAD OF MY SHOW!!! You know how E replays things over and over — if people are interested it's always around."

America took Pam's advice and turned away in droves! In fact, more viewers tuned in for the season premiere of C-grade schlock Sunset Tan than for GotL, which you better check out soon if you have any interest at all. Contrary to what Pammy thinks, it's unlikely it will "always" be around.

BOOBS OBSESSING OVER THE BOOBS OF BOOBS "Jessica Simpson, who was slammed this week by Pamela Anderson for wearing a T-shirt that said 'Real Girls Eat Meat,' has gotten her revenge on the former 'Baywatch' babe by beating her to the top spot in InTouch Weekly’s 2008 Best Breast poll. Simpson’s chest was followed closely by that of Tyra Banks, Scarlett Johansson, Carmen Electra, Lindsay Lohan and Katherine Heigl. Audrina Patridge’s very own 'Hills' earned seventh spot with Jennifer Aniston, Megan Fox and Beyonce Knowles rounding out the Top 10."

• There's a reason Jay-Z raps, and he proves it during his rendition of Oasis' "Wonderwall." [PS]

• The latest, most random celebrity feud: Jessica Simpson vs. Pam Anderson. Can they both lose? [INO]

• It's been too long since we've seen inappropriate pictures of Britney Spears' special area (NSFW, obviously). [HT]

• Prince Harry is officially the best-looking one in the royal family, even when he hasn't bathed. [DListed]

• In what universe does David Hasselhoff think he's fit to record a collaboration with Mark Ronson? [ICYDK]

Pamela Anderson was in Vegas this weekend to auction off her 2000 Dodge Viper, the proceeds of which she intends to donate to the well-intentioned doofs at PETA.

Apparently, the irony of selling a car that gets 11 miles to the gallon to help protect the animals was lost on everyone there, including an incredibly pink man.

[Source]

Pamela Anderson, whose mother seems to have the right idea:

It’s really weird because I’ve never been with a girl. Writing about it was as far as I got. Lately my mother’s said, ‘I wish you were gay, considering your choice in men.’

Garage sale hunters likely don't want to touch anything owned by Pamela Anderson, let alone her underwear. But that's exactly what she sold at an estate sale over the weekend, all in the name of the lovely charity known as PETA. It's all for the animals.

Also up for grabs were broken light bulbs, fondue fountains and a hot pink butt blaster exercise machine. Terrible, right? But for some reason, fans waited for hours just to touch her used underwear. One buyer explained it this way: "I just wanted to see how rich people live."

And with that, our hopes for humanity are gone.

[Source]

GOOD NEWS: SALOMON BACK ON THE MARKET "Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon are officially kaput. Legal papers [were filed today] in LA County Superior Court, annulling the marriage that was shorter than Pam's skirts. The marriage was annulled on grounds of fraud."

Three-time ex-wife Pamela Anderson somehow continues fooling the entertainment world into believing she's relevant and interesting. The passable bikini model and horrible actress has just signed a seven-figure deal to star in her own reality show on E!. Reportedly, the program will focus on Anderson's "quest to make a splash in the acting world," which her complete lack of talent will make both funny and heartbreaking (but mostly heartbreaking).

Is Pamela Anderson inopportunely but finally questioning the decisions she's made in her life, or is she just following a photog's directions and getting her tired face closer to that sign reading, "Long live Harley Davidson"? Let's lie to ourselves and agree it's the former. The weather's depressing enough.

[Source]

In an effort to bolster the ever-assailed decorum of the Internet, Mollygood looks to poetry with Someone Haiku. Each day – using 17 syllables or less – you’re given the opportunity to wax poetic about some piece of flotsam or jetsam that’s washed up on the shores of Mollygood. Hopefully this Zen practice will not only bathe you in self-discovery, but also bring a touch of Eastern class to a global network of information that’s devolved into nothing more than tit websites and provocative MySpace pictures.

Today's Someone Haiku winner is DaisyDoodle, whose poem came with a back story:

As someone who spent 4 years in Provo, UT (not far from the Cirque Lodge, home of BYU) I understand the thick cloud of desparation that hovers over the Happy Valley - marriage is contagious (infectious?) there. Knowing that they met in Utah on the set of a Mormon-centric movie (Church Ball) - and I don’t mind admitting I am a Mormon - just a more liberal one than most you may have met- here is my offering, after that long preamble:

The Wasatch Valley
Yields more weddings than Vegas
True love? Not likely.

A+ for effort and style!

New Someone Haiku after the jump.

CONTINUED »

Forbes released a list of Hollywood's most influential couples — and we have some issues with it.

Who shouldn't be on the list: Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo. Seriously? The only thing that couple influences is our desire to vomit. And then there's Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz, who we thought broke up three years ago.

Who should be on the list: Britney Spears and frappuccinos. If those two don't go the distance, there's no hope for any of us.

The full list, after the jump.

CONTINUED »

We've voiced our disapproval of PETA ads similar to this one before, but those were for the "Rather go naked than wear fur" campaign. What the hell is this one all about?

Copyranter says this: "I guess it's what to expect when the model is an overly retouched, inorganic Tomato." That's funny, but that doesn't get to the bottom of what is going through PETA's minds.

Are they saying that if one becomes a vegetarian they will have a body like this, or are they saying that if one becomes a vegetarian they can sleep with women who have bodies like this? Perhaps they're saying that vegetables often touch a woman's breasts and crotch before vegetarians eat them. Regardless, do they they know that almost everything for which this visual could stand is unappetizing and unappealing?