What lovely creature has a heartfelt message for Perez Hilton? CONTINUED »
Heidi Montag, always 10 steps behind nemesis Lauren Conrad, debuted her new Anchor Blue clothing line Friday night at an LA shopping mall. Because nothing says "class" like a zebra slut top and a Perez Hilton-endorsed clothing line named "Heidiwood".
[Source]
In case you haven't heard, there is a war going on, and it's not in Iraq — it's waging between Perez Hilton and John Mayer. Perez accused John in this week's Life & Style and In Touch of making out with him in 2006. Yeah, he's just now bringing this up. Perez says he decided to spill the beans now because John has been saying mean things about him on his blog — which would normally serve as reason to be upset, except it's Perez Hilton.
John retaliated in an XM radio interview by correctly pointing out that Perez doesn't actually hate celebrities — he wants to be one. It's pretty obvious John isn't that bothered by Perez, and that should have been the end of the saga.
Except it's not. Now Us Weekly is promising a video showing Perez taking a lie detector test with an examiner from the worst television show in the world, Moment of Truth. Nobody really cares at this point whether or not it's true; the entertainment comes from watching Perez desperately try to stay in the limelight.
Guess who turned 30 years old over the weekend! Give up? It's this beautiful human being at left.
Perez Hilton celebrated what he called his "Quinceanera Part 2" at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel — yes, the Beverly Wilshire actually let this man on the premises. Don't ask us why.
In honor of this special occasion, "friends" of Perez showed up to take pictures on the red carpet and make nice with the man who could potentially ruin their reputations. The typical famewhores were in attendance, including Speidi, Nick Cannon, Jerry O'Connell and Harvey Levin … but Marc Jacobs? We are disappointed in you.
And Kim Vo, bless his heart, has taken the Britney failure a lot harder than expected. It's OK that you couldn't fix that tranny mess, honey — her hair is something that can only be tamed by Ken Paves. That doesn't mean you need to show up with "Viva Perez" sharpie'd on your shirt.
We made a point to avoid watching What Perez Sez About Reality Stars, but then a little birdie told us about the blogger's interview with Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, and we couldn't help but watch the clip. And, of course, we're sharing it with you — if you hate your computer that much. (You have to skip ahead a couple minutes to get to the "good" stuff.)
When asked if the two made movies at home involving nudity, Heidi responded, "What do you call nudity?" Um, being nude. You idiot.
And don't worry — she assures us her music career will happen, "because a hit is a hit, and it doesn't matter, really, who sings it." Oh, is that how the music industry works?
• Our gay brother at Queerty was almost involved in this whole Perez sex tape madness. So close. [Queerty]
• Hef has finally come through with that offer for Lindsay Lohan. It's right on time, and she's totally contemplating it. [DListed]
• Check it out! It's the pictures of Nicole Richie's baby you forgot existed and said you might consider looking at. [PS]
• Hmm, Katie Holmes has a black heart with evil eyes embroidered on her sweater. That's weird. [INO]
• "Pregnant actress Tracey Gold is refusing to follow Hollywood trends - she’s going public with her unborn baby’s sex and name." Tracey Gold? She's also sorta bucking that "fame" trend Hollywood is so obsessed with. And that "working" trend. [ICYDK]
• Jessica Simpson's going to Kuwait. A king's ransom to anyone that can shred her travel documents before her return flight. [Yeeeah]
• Winehouse makeovers: Just follow the dragon to a whole new you. [CityRag]
Perez Hilton, the pastel git who's so famous he's not really our competition so much as our cautionary tale, is indeed ugly on the inside, too.
A taut, handsome, gay gossip blogger named Jonathan Jaxson tells Page Six that Hilton promised him hot leads for his blog in exchange for sexually explicit footage. Unfortch, the arriviste foolishly agreed, sending Hilton numerous clips of him masturbating and even meeting with him personally a couple times for some tickling or whatever.
And then: not a damn thing! Hilton took the amateur porno and ran, leaving JJ alone, his thumb literally up his ass and without any insidery material for his blog. (Fucking duh!) "I fell in love with Perez," said Jaxson, "I thought he had a huge heart . . . but he's just a [bleep]hole."
As of this posting, Jaxson has not updated his blog since yesterday afternoon, but commenters wait for no man:
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Perez Hilton must have stolen Paris' invitation to the Brit Awards red carpet and then asked a blind person to choose an outfit for him based on what felt "pretty." Oh, and then he smothered his face in a giant powdered doughnut.
[Source]
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are speaking out to Perez Hilton about Heidi's new single and that travesty of a video. Good luck sitting through it.
Spencer explains why there is so much talk about the video: "Because she's so beautiful and she's an unbelievable singer and the quality of music and the music video has never been seen before." We'll just leave that one alone for now.
Heidi also attempts to spin the negative reaction by saying it takes a lot of effort and passion to take the time to comment, and she has never done that before. She and Spencer then go on to gleefully bash Lauren Conrad.
We may not be fashion gurus, but there were some outfits spotted around Bryant Park this weekend that made us go, "Really? You wanted to wear that?"
We picked the eight worst for your consideration. The top spot, of course, went to Perez Hilton, because there is nothing nice to say about his ensemble. At all.
Let's play a fun game. It's called "What the Hell is [insert D-lister's name here] Doing at Sundance?"
[Source]
BUT HE'S DEAD "Naomi Campbell has officially found a new vocation: as an investigative journalist. Having been granted an audience with Hugo Chavez in October for a piece in GQ, the magazine's editor…has revealed he has a whole host of political firebrands in line for the supermodel to grill. Next up? Fidel Castro."
"100 percent" dead Commie Fidel Castro is releasing an autobiography from beyond the grave! Now that's what we call a GHOSTWRITER!
The book, titled Fidel Castro: My Life, explores all the minutia of the late Cuban's unique existence. (He kept the beard because shaving costs a man ten workdays per year! He loved Hemingway!)
Though dead, Castro's mental faculties are being described as "astonishing." (How can that be?)
Related: Perez Hilton is a damaged liar.
So that there's no question, we're only posting this because Perez Hilton is much richer and more famous than us.
The results are in, and according to Mollygood's intense sociological polling, the majority of you would rather have people believe you support your child's Nazism (Adolf Hitler, 239 votes) than have people believe you support their interest in Perez Hilton (232 votes), Chris Crocker (28 votes) or Michael Vick (72 votes).
Among the most interesting write-in votes:
• perez hilton
• anything but whats listed above
• pete wentz's broken ugly foot
• jason alexander
• stupid-ass cord jefferson
• Pumpkin
Is your child slightly chubby and sexually ambiguous? Then Elle Girl has a wonderful idea for a Halloween costume! And if this one would make you think twice before sending your kid out the door, take a look at their other bright recommendations.
• Swedish national socialists attack "degenerate" art. Now, modern art is a trick, but fascists always go overboard. [Queerty]
• VH1 to keep open misogyny factory. [DListed]
• America Ferrera wins Hispanic Woman of the Year, despite Perez Hilton's best efforts. [PS]
• Sienna Miller's depilatory procedures belie her hippie-ness. (NSFW) [HT]
• "Heap on the punishment in great waves," sayeth the judge. [INO]
• Scarlett Johansson (forgot about her) on being Woody Allen's "muse." [ICYDK]
• Lohan done with Hollywood. Good, but don't come to New York. It's…uh…all burned down. [Yeeeah]
• Pay to party in the clothes of celebrities! It'll make dry humping on the dance floor even more pathetic. [CityRag]
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