Heyo! Did you know over in Israel they created a beautifier machine that can take any picture of you and analyze your facial structure and then improve upon it as dictated by social norms of physical attributes?
And did you know that James Franco's face, when run through this program, does not reveal any differences whatsoever, meaning that the Pineapple Express actor is basically the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. It's true! Pretty sure that it's in the Bible somewhere that Jesus had a perfect jawline and eyes that were symmetrically far apart.
To be fair, the program's purpose was only to subtly change the composite of facial features, to show society that it doesn't always take extreme plastic surgery to improve your looks.
But guess which actor was actually made less attractive after being run through the beautification process?
Is everybody sitting down? I have some exciting news: Next week I will be dispatched to cover an event hosted by none other than Michael Phelps! I'll give you a minute to stop squealing.
As you can imagine, I've been preparing for this moment my entire life — so I decided to ask for your input, dear readers: What should I ask Michael when I interview him on the red carpet (or as I follow him around throughout the evening)? All suggestions welcome. (Keep it clean; I am a classy lady.)
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• Britney Spears really doesn't need that much retouching, does she? [DListed]
• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson confirm they are a couple, because nobody had any idea. [PS]
• Whitney Port officially gets her very own Hills spinoff, set in NYC. As long as it's not Speidi, we're on board. [ICYDK]
• All the celebrity nip slips you could ever want. [CityRag]
• For everyone who was concerned: Kim Kardashian fits in her size 26 jeans. [Yeeeah]
• Dakota Fanning continues her reign of perfection by making her school's cheerleading team. [INO]
Sometimes our readers do something so brilliant it's worth recognition, and this is one of those instances. Thanks to killorn for putting together a lovely tribute to Spaghetti Cat, which features the feline among other great American symbols. It's truly touching.
• Solange Knowles manages to be more obnoxious than most celebrity siblings. [DListed]
• Apparently the "turn to the side and hope Us Weekly does a good Photoshop job" diet doesn't stick. [Yeeeah]
• Jessica Simpson seriously needs to stop talking about Tony Romo. [PS]
• A new tell-all is in the works called Stalking Britney — or, as we like to call it, In Touch. [ICYDK]
• Heidi Montag continues to willingly be the butt of America's jokes. [HT]
• We disagree with this list of the top 10 funniest movies of all time. [INO]
• Christina Aguilera's new perfume ad inspires us to vomit. [Yeeeah]
• As of right now Amy Winehouse is back in rehab. Not sure how long that's going to last, but the facility is right next to Blake Incarcerated, which sounds like a bad idea. [INO]
• When Ellen DeGeneres blogs, we listen. [PS]
• Jon Voight has some harsh words for Roseanne. [DListed]
• Heidi Montag is now claiming she's a virgin. Uh, did she forget all those interviews she gave talking about having sex with Spencer — and the infamous Season 2 pregnancy test? [ICYDK]
• The Real World: Brooklyn reportedly sucks, and it hasn't even finished filming yet. We could have told you that. [CityRag]
Radar magazine has jumped on the Mario Lopez train, putting together a gallery of lovely photos featuring Slater in some of Hollywood's most famous photographs. Our favorite is above, because it holds true to Mario's life mission to make an ass of himself. You can check out the rest here and pick your own.
So, those pictures of handsomepants boxer Oscar De La Hoya dressed in drag? Fakes, sports fans!
A group of experts who studied the photos has deemed that they were Photoshopped, just like De La Hoya swore they were and just like nobody believed for a second. Whoopsies.
Who knew strippers, celebrity photo agency X17 and the New York Post could be so unreliable?
This is what Homer Simpson would look like were he a real person. Not so funny now, huh?
After the jump, Jessica Rabbit and Super Mario "untooned."
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This photo of Jason Castro has been circulating the Internets lately, fueling rumors that the 21-year-old American Idol contestant smokes weed. Problem is, there's no proof the picture isn't doctored — or that the smoke coming out of his mouth is the product of marijuana. (In fact, Jason is known to go to friends' houses to play music while the boys sit outside together and smoke cigars.) And if there was evidence of him smoking weed, it would be out by now. Those TMZ staffers are diligent.
But that aside: Who the hell cares? Some people are claiming that he's a Christian, therefore there's no way he smokes weed — which is faulty reasoning, as it considers a lack of "sin" the requirement to practice religion. And if this is the worst thing someone can find about him, then so be it. So he may smoke occasionally — the guy is also a truly good soul and has done more charity work in his college career than most do in a lifetime (and no, we're not talking about Idol Gives Back). Let the man sing — preferably shirtless — and be done with it.
Is this the perfect candidate? And is it odd that we find her him it slightly beautiful?
The new issue of Blender features a Britney Spears cover photo that we can immediately tell is fake. Just to be sure, however, Blender confirmed the picture was a composite: "That, sadly, is not [Britney's] body." Well, we didn't see any Cheetos residue on her fingers, so that was a dead giveaway.
Inside, the mag launches into a detailed account as to how America's sweetheart turned into a tabloid disaster. We've heard most of this before, but the most disturbing portion of the article focuses on Sam Lutfi, Britney's trusted "confidante" and only friend.
Danny Haines, who now has a restraining order against Lutfi, talked to Blender about his former relationship with Britney's right-hand man. Throughout their friendship, which began on MySpace (like all solid, stable relationships do), Lutfi exhibited the rumored behavior that makes everyone else so nervous about his role in Britney's life.
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• Colbert is struggling, but we hate Two and a Half Men! How to feel about the writer's strike? [Jossip]
• Let's get one thing straight: Mariah Carey would, indeed, rather sing with JLo than a pig. [DListed]
• It's like he wants you to hate his clothes. [PS]
• There's a charity called Teens for Jeans and Rachel Bilson is shilling for them. Donate if you're for jeans or Rachel Bilson (or both). Adults in khakis need not apply. [HT]
• Taylor Hicks has lost his record deal! Don't tell your lonely aunt, she's sad enough. [ICYDK]
• Jennifer Beals, we should let you know that we've never gotten over our Flashdance crush. Do you like us, too? [INO]
• Fear for this fetus: "On her last prison visit [Amy Winehouse] told Blake that she wants to try and get pregnant as soon as she can. [Yeeeah]
• Photoshop can be scary! [CityRag]
• This is the best thing we've ever seen on YouTube. That's not hyperbole. Ever. It's perfect. [Queerty]
• Dog the Bounty Hunter doesn't hate niggers, he just don't want his kids dating no niggers because he's afraid one of them niggers might hear him saying nigger, and then they'd go running their nigger mouth to the Enquirer and he loses his business. See how that's not racist? [DListed]
• More charity balls for Africa! I hope they appreciate all the hard work everyone's doing for them. [PS]
• Celebrity fairy tales (besides their real lives). [INO]
• Woman sues Paris Hilton for "stealing her style." We're watching the world fall apart, people! Ain't it exciting? [ICYDK]
• Milk still hasn't come up with a better marketing plan? [HT]
• Owen Wilson finding reason to live with Jessica Simpson. [Yeeeah]
• Hollywood monster Photoshop. [CityRag]
• Handsome! [DListed]
• Will Ferrell to star in Land of the Lost. Yay, right? Or are people over him? Whatever.[PS]
• Posit: I submit to you that it's not "topless" if no nipple is exposed. [HT]
• Wanna dress like Lindsay Lohan? No? Well, know that you can. [INO]
• What's worse, that someone took time to hack Heidi Montag's website or that Heidi Montag has a website? [ICYDK]
• Some whizkid employed the oft-underused "Not a Drug Abuser" tool on Photoshop. [Yeeeah]
• Give your baby soda! Ah, the wisdom of the 50s. [CityRag]
UK's Daily Mail is infamous for doctoring images, so don't be surprised if this picture of Victoria Beckham's forehead looking like an "everything" bagel is the work of a Photoshop expert. But until then, maybe she needs to stop stressing about what to wear and buy. Also, the Daily Mail's headline: "Zig-a-zit aaargh." Priceless.
Larger photo under here.
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• Is it ironic, post-modern or just terrible to intensely Photoshop a woman who's made it very clear she's comfortable with her weight? [DListed]
• No cheezburger had here. [HT]
• Another one bites the meth. (Remember, kids: You can't live down meth addiction.) [ICYDK]
• I'd prefer eggs, but oranges will do. [INO]
• Kat Von D rehashes the mistakes she's had permanently inked into her thighs. [CityRag]
• A court of law has deemed Britney Spears a worthy mother in what will come to be known as the "Gum is Food Ruling of 2007." [Yeeeah]
• "Then why didn't they call the police when I supposedly punched the girl in the face and hit her in the head with a bottle?" Good point, Pac Man. Have you considered law school? [BWE]
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