There's no amount of money in the world that would make us sit through the American Music Awards (OK, that's not entirely accurate), so instead of a write-up of the snooze-fest, here's an exhaustive collection of photos. From the looks of things, Miley Cyrus once again made the entire event all about her (and her 16th birthday, which she's been celebrating for the past few months). Surprise, surprise.

Click through for more photos than your little mouse can click.

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• Because you can never have too many heartwarming tales involving animals. [DListed]

• Something's off with Nicole Richie's body proportions. [HT]

• Pink says she's "proud" to be mistaken for a lesbian: "I don’t care. I love to challenge people’s preconceptions." Fair enough. [Yeeeah]

• The "Izzie's getting killed off of Grey's Anatomy!" rumors are making a comeback. We're still on board with anything involving less Katherine Heigl. [ICYDK]

• Jennifer Aniston sinks her claws back into Gerard Butler. Why can't everyone just leave G.But alone? [PS]

• Paris Hilton and Benji Madden have a rule stating they can't go more than a week without seeing each other. It's similar to Paris' other rule that she can't go a day without being photographed. [INO]

• First the Spears girls, now beauty pageant queens: Louisiana continues to crank out winners. [Yeeeah]

• Paris Hilton is concerned that Pink thinks she's stupid. Does she understand that the rest of America agrees with Pink? [INO]

• We have no idea who this girl is, but she's wasted and fascinating. [DListed]

• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson's relationship is outed yet again — this time by Sam's mom. [PS]

• Britney Spears' Halloween plans: "She’s thinking of going as herself but back in her shaven head days. She’s genuinely horrified when she looks back at those times so she figures that look would be a great costume for Halloween." [ICYDK]

• Speaking of Brit: Now you, too, can dance like her in three easy steps! [CityRag]

• Just in time for the weekend: Drunk celebrities! [CityRag]

• DMX is behind bars. Try to hide your shock. [ICYDK]

• Pete Wentz can't stop being a d-bag. [DListed]

• Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears organized a mini family reunion, and somebody forgot to leave Lynne off the invite list. [PS]

• The latest celebrity to join Scientology. [Yeeeah]

• Jamie Kennedy can't keep it in his pants. [INO]

We can only hope that after this photo was taken Britney Spears told the Jonas Brothers to run for their lives. If there's anything interesting about the VMAs, it's the interactions behind the scenes between stars who would normally never speak to each other. For more audience and backstage photos, click through.

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• One of the fattest cats in America, who was abandoned in New Jersey, found a home. Aww. [DListed]

• Pink has some harsh words — via song — for ex Corey Hart. [INO]

• Kim Kardashian takes a break from her hard life to be photographed at the beach. [Yeeeah]

• Denise Richards' reality show may not come back for a second season. We weren't even aware someone was stupid enough to consider it. [ICYDK]

• Who hasn't seen Lindsay Lohan's funbags? [HT]

• Seal and Heidi Klum's family vacation is cuter than yours. [PS]

Another fairytale romance has come to an end: Musician Pink and her motocross-racing husband, Carey Hart, have split.

"Pink and Carey Hart have separated. This decision was made by best friends with a huge amount of love and respect for one another," says [Pink's publicist], adding, "While the marriage is over, their friendship has never been stronger."

We can imagine it would be easy to stay friends with your ex after realizing both of you are interested in women.

[Source]

Pop musician(?) Pink and her husband, extreme-sport-something-or-other Carey Hart, are encountering difficult times in their marriage. Sources say the troubles are due in large part to the agreement the couple made that allows Hart to have sex with other women while Pink is away at work, and apparently things like that can sour.

Apparently…she took a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy and agreed to let him have his fun when she's away on tour. But she's changed her mind now that her biological clock has started ticking. "Divorce is just around the corner," says our mole. "Carey has this one blond in particular that he takes everywhere, even public appearances. But Pink knew what she was getting into!"

Though we've almost no experience with the subject, we're inclined to think that if one ever has to tell one's wife, "You knew what you were getting into," chances are she probably didn't.

[Source]

A Star cover's quotes of regret:

• "Ya'll crying-ass babies was mistakes!"

• "Ordering seven slices of radish was a huge mistake. Take away these five."

• "All them years of margs and sluts in sarongs was a mistake, baby."

• "We've got to fuck quietly so as not to awaken my lesbian wife, whom I mistakenly married believing she was straight."

Dear Star,
Are most of your exclamation points a mistake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Best,
Cord

What a day for Headline on Your Shoulders! I think it's safe to say that yesterday's were some of the best entries yet, encompassing everything from Biblical references to blow-job jokes (tastefully done).

It was close, but today's winner is bedbugsandballyhoo:

Judge’s Ruling Incites (Hypo)-Critical Mass

Very, very good work.

New HOYS is under here.

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Like she were Heather Mills, Pink's kicked off the newest leg of her "I'm Not Dead" tour, and she's selling out arenas all over the land Down Under. Considering the current political clime, I'm going to wager that sexy, American, neo-fascist space captain wasn't the best choice of getup, but let's just assume it was a political statement.

[ONTD]

• Is this "genius" or "smart, loner Senior with time and money"? I'd argue some of column A but more of column B. [ONTD]

• Neverland belying its name and proving fallibility. [DListed]

• But when hasn't Courtney Love slept with a puke towel? [NYP]

• Eye-an gets an offer from Playgirl. [ICYDK]

• Don't worry, Willa, you'll be bad. [GAM]

• Pink, they're not not playing your song because of your politics. They're not playing it because it sucks. Big time. [MSNBC]

• Haley Scarnato, we barely knew thee, and we're not all that bummed about it. Peace! [PopBytes]

• Eddie Murphy being a little Norbitch. [DListed]

• Timberlake and Ricci in a Black Snake Moan sex scene. High on moaning, low on black snakes. [Egotastic]

• Pink is built like a Blue. [HT]

• When you can't carry what you bought by yourself and you're not shopping for marble statues or electronics, you bought too much shit. [INO]

• Too much bronzer, too much silver, just enough sober. [ICYDK]

• Anna Nicole Smith judge is being handed his own television show for doing a poor jjob and making a serious matter a joke. I was actually expecting this much sooner. [Jossip]

• Bobby Brown arrested at a high school cheerleading competition for the counterintuitive crime of not offering the pert young girls money. [Us]

• WebJunk has a pretty thorough grouping of internet celebs for some VH1 contest and, while it does include hits like Star Wars Kid, this amazing li'l guy and the leprechaun in Alabama, someone was completely remiss in leaving out Afro Ninja. So, I've included it above. [WebJunk]

• If you've just accidentally swallowed some poison and you're having trouble inducing vomiting, you should know that there's definitely a video tape out there of Brandy's little brother urinating on Paris Hilton's best friend, and somehow OJ Simpson is involved. That should help you puke. [TMZ]

• It seems like everyone's more angry about the Grey's Anatomy gay bashing thing than the gay who was bashed. [Jossip]

• Pink's dog drowned. Creepy that someone knows this. [SplashNews]

• Howard Stern (the sad, Anna-Nicole-lapdog one) gave Smith's son the drugs that killed him. Of course, with a mother like Anna Nicole, the poor kid's soul was probably already gone. [INO]

• I guess Brit's not preggo, just bloated and nauseous. [Us]

• Demi's not the only cradle robber. Bruce Willis is proving two can play that game. [PopSugar]

• Remember Heidi singing from this morning? Yeah…I know you were just hoping she had plans to release a single. It's your lucky day. And it's coming this week. Whaaaa? [HollyScoop]

• Dear Beyonce, Pink hates your ass. Do you care? Mmmm, thought not. Please return to your previously scheduled champagne and fur coat cocktail. [Yeeeah]

• Leanne Rimes digs up last week's scandal. [DListed]

• It's like the First Wives Club, only without the fun of Bette Midler or Goldie Hawn or Diane Keaton. Okay, it's nothing like the FWC. [PITNB]

• Who wears short shorts? [CityRag]

• Eva Longoria may not have her lesbian movie with Beyonce, but she'll always have those hein sunglasses. [A Socialite's Life]

• The Internet wants its fucking car or it's never speaking to you again. [BWE]

• Youuuu guyyyssss, Renee Zellweger is, like, totally sorry about that whole silly marriage to Kenny Chesney thing. Now share a pint of ice cream with her and listen to her whine all about it. [Junkiness]

This video is from the beginning of the year, but I've never actually watched it before. Pink got her nipple pierced, with a camera in tow and her mom present. Soooo, uh, NSFW in that nipple piercing sense, but here it is.

Hooray for fashion! And Fergie! And Brooke Hogan! Apparently Fergie jumped a very young schoolboy and shoved herself into his uniform. And though Ms. Hogan isn't rocking her grillz, she did seem to forget the bottom half of her outfit. (I still contend that I think she's a pretty girl, just shouldn't be allowed to dress herself.) So, for this lovely Labor day long weekend you should leave your mini tie, half dress shirt, and child-sized porn star dress at home, because otherwise your friends might think you're trying to cop these ladies steez.

Got some more VMA pics on the side of some slightly better dresses. Other than DanKan, who are beautiful women, but should stop dressing like cheesy game show hostesses. Oh, and don't forget to check out the rest of Jossip's VMA red carpet videos on YouTube.

Have gorgeous Labor Day weekends, each and every one of you. I'm going to be gallivanting around Los Angeles with my eyes peeled and my best memory in hand (though that's not saying much).

Don't wander too far, nibbles. I'll be back here on Tuesday with stories and quite possibly a nasty sunburn.

Kisses and Champagne for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner,
Molly

Unfortunately, it wasn't until after I spent a good couple of minutes rewriting the lyrics to a verse of the Spin Doctor's masterpiece "Two Princes" about the this picture that I learned the photo of Princes Harry and William fondling and martini-ing is three years old. Since I'm never one to waste time (HA) I will still give you my work. Please sing the beginning of the song to yourself with these words:

One, two princes here before you
(That's what I said, now)
Princes, princes who adore boobs
(Just go ahead, now)
One has, a receding hairline
(That sounds great, now)
This one, won't be king and that's fine
(Ain't in his head, now)

Yeah, so that's as far as I got before realizing I'm an idiot. Great song, by the way.

As a reward for sitting through that, I present you Pink's new reverse mullet:

Not much of a reward, I suppose.

[Source]