Heyo! Did you know over in Israel they created a beautifier machine that can take any picture of you and analyze your facial structure and then improve upon it as dictated by social norms of physical attributes?
And did you know that James Franco's face, when run through this program, does not reveal any differences whatsoever, meaning that the Pineapple Express actor is basically the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. It's true! Pretty sure that it's in the Bible somewhere that Jesus had a perfect jawline and eyes that were symmetrically far apart.
To be fair, the program's purpose was only to subtly change the composite of facial features, to show society that it doesn't always take extreme plastic surgery to improve your looks.
But guess which actor was actually made less attractive after being run through the beautification process?
• How long until Paris Hilton gets herself one of these monkey servants? [DListed]
• The hardest working dog in Hollywood is also likely covered in STDs, poor thing. [HT]
• Miley Cyrus' dad approves of his 15-year-old daughter's 20-year-old boyfriend. But if we've learned anything, it's that Billy Ray doesn't exactly exercise the best judgment. [INO]
• You were right: We can no longer tell Mary-Kate and Ashley apart. [PS]
• The Brangelina children love Cheetos, y'all. Britney would be proud. [ICYDK]
• Courtney Love had gastric bypass surgery. Um, did she need it? [Yeeeah]
A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN "We really shouldn't be surprised at anything when it comes to Michael Jackson. But we have to admit we were shocked when we found out he'd been on a string of dates with Pamela Anderson. The odd couple seem to have bonded over their love of plastic surgery and have been hooking up in Malibu."
As if Jesus didn't have enough problems, now he has to deal with his latest fan, Spencer Pratt. We'll let Spence do the talking:
I’m a work in progress. I’d never been to church until I met Heidi. She got me to go — it was a big step. The walls shook a little bit as I first cruised in, but Jesus and I are making the connection. I’m trying to live a more positive, holy life, but it takes work. It’s hard not sinning, you know?
Heidi’s there going, ‘What would Jesus do? What would Jesus do?’ And I’m like, ‘Jesus gave me these great comebacks.' And she’s like, ‘No, that’s the devil.’
Interesting, Heidi. We weren't aware that Jesus got breast implants and spread sex tape rumors to Perez Hilton, but maybe we missed that part of the Bible.
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• If Tom Cruise allowed Katie Holmes to drink alcohol. [CityRag]
• Most bizarre feud ever: Roseanne vs. Angelina Jolie. [INO]
• Tori Spelling reminds us of why plastic surgery isn't always the answer. [Yeeeah]
• When did Lauren Conrad turn into Ashlee Simpson? [PS]
• Malaysia thinks Avril Lavigne is "too sexy." That makes one of us. [ICYDK]
• Jennifer Lopez is training for a triathlon, but we have a feeling this will never come to fruition. [DListed]
We've heard way too much about Madonna lately thanks to her sell-out brother, Chris Ciccone, so we can't help but cringe a little upon seeing the watermelon-loving singer. But all gross stories aside, Madge looked really beautiful over the weekend as she celebrated her 50th birthday (although, to be fair, she should look that good with as much money as she has).
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So it turns out Lindsay Lohan has a MySpace blog, and she's used it this time around to tell us she misses Samantha (complete with a frowny face) and take up for her 14-year-old sister Ali, who is facing one of the toughest battles: boob job rumors.
All i am trying to say is, is that, i was raised with a wonderful family surrounding me, of course we have our ups and downs, but all in all my mother taught us to appreciate what we have been given. Nor would she ever encourage, or allow a 14 year old child to alter her body.
Interesting argument, Linds. So the reason Ali hasn't had a boob job is because of Dina's fine influence? Ha!
For those who actually believed Madonna's rep when she claimed that nightmare-inducing picture of her was just a "bad angle," here's more photographic evidence that the pop star is rapidly morphing into the crypt keeper. Normal women don't age like this.
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WHAT ELSE IS SHE SUPPOSED TO SAY? "[Madonna] was photographed Friday leaving the Kaballah Center in New York looking gaunt and tired. But pictures can lie, says her publicist. 'I just think the photographer got a bad shot of her or it was touched up to make her look bad,' says her rep Liz Rosenberg. 'I saw Madonna two days before at her rehearsal and she looked amazing — glowing skin and working really hard on her show.'"
Do you ever have to stop reading an article just halfway into it for fear that you're going to begin weeping all over the keyboard (or the newsprint for you nanas and pop-pops)? It happens to us at least once a day, but this one we clicked away from in record time:
Dr. Donald Richey, a dermatologist in Chico, Calif., has two office telephone numbers: calls to the number for patients seeking an appointment for skin conditions like acne and psoriasis often go straight to voice mail, but a full-time staff member fields calls on the dedicated line for cosmetic patients seeking beauty treatments like Botox.
Dr. Richey has two waiting rooms. The medical patients’ waiting room is comfortable, but the lounge for cosmetic clients is luxurious, with soft music and flowers.
And he has two kinds of treatment rooms: clinical-looking for skin disease patients, soothing for cosmetic laser patients.
“Cosmetic patients have a much more private environment than general medical patients because they expect that,” said Dr. Richey, who estimated that he spent about 40 percent of his time treating cosmetic patients. “We are a little bit more sensitive to their needs.”
Like airlines that offer first-class and coach sections, dermatology is fast becoming a two-tier business in which higher-paying customers often receive greater pampering.
That's right: A growing trend in dermatology is to subjugate people with SKIN CANCER in favor of Botox recipients! And the doctors doing this apparently aren't at all ashamed of what disgusting voids they are!
Good morning and welcome back to your world.
So, this is what Madonna looks like these days. Some people think she's had plastic surgery. Specifically, people with eyes.
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Why she waited until after the Sex and the City series on HBO, and after the Sex and the City movie on the big screen, we’ll never know. But Sarah Jessica Parker has gone ahead and done it: She removed her chin mole. “Yes, she had the mole removed,” a source tells CelebTV.com. “It was not for medical reasons.” This will do nothing, however, to end comparisons of Parker to horses.
• A reason to love New York City's subway system. [CityRag]
• Amy Winehouse punched someone for the third time in less than two weeks. At this point, it's just humorous. [Yeeeah]
• Why is Jessica Alba sucking up to Justin Timberlake? [INO]
• More proof Steve Carell is a good guy. [PS]
• Denise Richards' neighbors are trying to force her out due to the media circus brought about by her reality show. Also, because she's a miserable shrew. [ICYDK]
• Always wanted to see Brigitte Nielsen get plastic surgery? No? Well, too bad. [DListed]
• Did Charlize Theron get plastic surgery? People with too much time on their hands want to know. [CityRag]
• Top 10 things overheard at Pam Anderson's birthday party. [Yeeeah]
• Reality TV is about to get even worse: Paris Hilton wants to do a show with Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. [INO]
• Heidi Klum should know better than to prance around town in her husband's jeans. [PS]
• Colin Farrell acts like a decent human being after hitting his neighbor's parked car. Taking notes, Brit? [ICYDK]
• Which one of the twerps from Home Improvement got tasered? [DListed]
New rumor: George Clooney dumped cocktail waitress girlfriend Sarah Larson because she got a breast augmentation. If this is indeed the case, was Clooney's reaction acceptable? We say yes, because the surgery reveals an insecurity that can be hell on relationships. What do you think?
La Toya Jackson hung out in Germany yesterday at what we can only hope was an anti-plastic surgery rally. At least, we think it was La Toya — it could be Michael with a wig for all we know.
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The problem with the term "beautiful girl" is that girls are rarely, if ever, beautiful. Girls are pretty and girls are cute — and that's fine because there's a time and place for cute (the age 16 and prom, respectively) — but they're not beautiful. Women are beautiful. Women are sexy.
We're reminded of how many people ignore that important distinction around this time every year: the lad mag "Hot List" season, when Maxim et al group together the names of every sad, drunk, Botoxed, sutured, bleached, commodified and infected girl in Hollywood and try to pretend the resultant stable has sex appeal. We're sick of it, so we've compiled our own lineup of truly beautiful women. Feel free to suggest additions or complain.
CONTINUED »
• There's a reason we haven't subjected ourselves to MTV's Rock the Cradle. Behold that reason. [DListed]
• Mary-Kate Olsen took in a hockey game last night in NYC. No word on how her frail body survived being that close to the ice. [PS]
• Sarah Jessica Parker swears she will never use plastic surgery or Botox, so you can rest assured she will likely top those "most unattractive" lists for years to come. [ICYDK]
• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon obtained a marriage license in the Caribbean. So this whole thing is legit? Really? Really? [INO]
• We never thought we'd see the day when Britney Spears was allowed to be in a swimming pool with her two sons. [CityRag]
• Kim Kardashian spent the day around numerous wild animals, and she made it out alive. Unfortunately. [HT]
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