Unfortunately named director Bret Ratner has tapped Robert Downey Jr to play Hugh Hefner in Ratner's biopic about the porn king, obviously titled Playboy. Perfect timing for Hefner's probably intentionally childless girlfriend, Holly Madison, to get that sperm donor she's waited for literally her entire past week.
Hef wins! Hef wins!
Despite Holly Madison trying her hardest to get pornography magnate Hugh Hefner to either impregnate her or marry her, and thus give her access to all the riches that thousands of pictures of fake breasts have amassed, the old man has proven unwilling or unable on both accounts. Now what to do, Holly?
"I need a Hef-esque sperm donor who's a creative genius, totally hott [sic] and has dark hair." (Adoption is not in consideration.)
Because that's not a weird request at all.
MOVING ON UP "Playboy editor Hugh Hefner says Miley Cyrus will be 'welcomed in the magazine' when she's of legal age. Hefner told Extra that the 15-year-old Hannah Montana star is a 'very pretty lady.'"
QUITE THE CASANOVA "Jesse Metcalfe reportedly paid for his Playboy Playmate ex-girlfriend's boob job when they were dating. The former Desperate Housewives star … is said to have been so desperate for curvy Colleen Shannon to increase her breast size that he paid for the operation."
How the salacious, greedy smut peddlers originally in possession of these nude photos of Hills brunette Audrina Patridge were able to wait until now to release them is beyond us. (Aren't impatience and horniness irrevocably bound?) However delayed, the pictures, reportedly part of a Playboy tryout, have finally surfaced, and they're uncomfortable to look at.
PRAISE XENU "Dina Lohan denies reports daughter Lindsay was approached by Playboy to recreate Marilyn Monroe's naked swim scene from Something’s Gotta Give. 'That [offer] never happened,' she tells Usmagazine.com. 'That would be a no.'"
Anyone remember when Heidi Montag showed up on the first season of The Hills and said her main goal in life was to be the "fun PR girl"? Then came along her passion for "music," if you want to call it that — and now she has decided to try her hand at the fashion business. Because nothing says you have moved on from the bitter breakup with your former best friend like putting out a competing clothing line.
Heidi's new line for Anchor Blue — which is of course named "Heidiwood" — will kick off April 1, and we can only hope this means the whole thing is an April Fool's joke. Her collection will include such timeless pieces as white denim shirts. We weren't aware such a thing exists.
Because this is guaranteed to end horribly, we can't help but wonder through what outlet Heidi will channel her creative energy next. Our money's on Playboy.
[Source]
• Rapey jerks aside, New York really is the best city in the whole world. [INO]
• Linday Lohan's competing against Johnny Depp for a film role. Who gets it? [DListed]
• Is it bad that we like the hotpants jumpsuit? [PS]
• Here's Paris Hilton being a spectacle for all the "Hahvahd" kids. [HT]
• Apparently Scientologists are very sensitive about people badmouthing their religion. Have you heard about these people? Scientologists? [ICYDK]
• The Playboy girls are at Mardi Gras, presumably to see what it's like when men masturbate to the real them, not just pictures of them. [CityRag]
A "pal" of Lindsay Lohan's says that the wondrously reckless actress has been asking her friends to give her money.
With little acting work on the horizon, she is said to be relying on a tobacco lozenge endorsement pittance to survive, and $700 bar tabs in Italy are ensuring that that will be gone soon.
Playboy, give it six more months so as not to seem too eager.
[Source]
• More from everyone's favorite old codger, Pat Robertson. This time on the West Coast's "gay agenda." [Queerty]
• Possibly maybe. [DListed]
• Where were you when Britney shaved her head? It's like our generation's Kennedy assassination. [PS]
• Moratorium on "baby bump" in '08, kay? [INO]
• Guy Ritchie's new flick bombs. And this one doesn't even star his wife. [ICYDK]
• The toys of Whoville! [CityRag]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt is not doing Playboy.
• Merry Christmas (unless you have sex with dead people or men). [Queerty]
• And here come the attacks on Hillary's looks. [DListed]
• Lily Allen's pregnant, too! Something's in the water. [PS]
• Why do all Playboy bunnies end up looking alike? [HT]
• Matthew McConaughey has broken his face, surely while doing something with his shirt off. [INO]
• Julia Roberts is a never-nude! [ICYDK]
• "Michael Jackson is a Damn Monster" [Yeeeah]
• People hate Tom Cruise. [CityRag]
• How fights between prima donnas begin. [TMZ]
• Paul McCartney's new lady friend is still married! [DListed]
• Steve Carrell is no scab. [EBG]
• Lenny Kravitz scurrying about in tight pants. Nothing more. [PS]
• Is melanoma fashionable? [HT]
• Jessica Simpson: "A Boston man is closest to a Southern man, I believe." [INO]
• Kim Kardashian celebrates that one (other) time she showed her breasts and vagina to the world. [ICYDK]
• Before he totaled his race car, subsequently injuring his good friend, Nick Hogan had been drinking. What a Hulkamaniac. [Yeeeah]
• The Critic: Gone but never, ever forgotten. [CityRag]
A small Australian news outlet has broken a story of questionable origin, so take this with a grain of salt; not because of the story's rarity, mind you, but because that place was once a penal colony:
Party princess Paris Hilton is $60 million out of pocket after her billionaire grandfather - appalled by her jail term for drink-driving offences - axed her inheritance.
Family patriarch Barron Hilton was already embarrassed by his granddaughter's wild behaviour - notably when her home sex video was leaked on the internet.
But the 79-year-old considered her 23-day sentence last month the last straw.
"He was, and is, extremely embarrassed by how the Hilton name has been sullied by Paris," says Jerry Oppenheimer, who wrote a biography of the clan called House Of Hilton.
"He now doesn't want to leave unearned wealth to his family."
It's nice to see that rich, old coots at Death's door are still acting impulsively to "teach everyone a lesson."
[Source]
You might think Kim Kardashian was at the Playboy Mansion over the weekend because she just finished a photo shoot for the magazine (big deal!), but you'd be wrong. The real—and much more outrageous—reason Kardashian was sashaying round Hugh Hefner's notorious pad was because she was attending a benefit for the Nicole Brown Charitable Foundation. Whaaaaaa? In case you're unaware of the irony there, Kim's father, Robert Kardashian, represented OJ Simpson in his murder trial. Got it? She's at a benefit party thrown in memory of a woman whose murderer her father helped loose. It's a bit like Jessica Hitler coming to a reading of Anne Frank's diary.
One very interesting phenomenon that seems to be inexplicable is that every celebrity who has ever become prostrate for the pages of Playboy has done so with the insistence that their vagina must constantly remain covered. What gives?
More after the jump. NSFWWP (Not Safe For Work With Puritans)
CONTINUED »
Leonardo DiCaprio is rumored to be in talks with Hugh Hefner about creating a biopic about Hef's 81 years on the planet.
A source said: “Leo and Hugh have been friends for a long time and Leo has always been interested in Hugh’s life story. Leo thinks it would make a great movie and Hugh would love Leo to do it - on condition Hugh is alive to see it.”
Sorry, Leo, but you already made the movie about the rich guy's descent into lunacy. But instead of Ava Gardner to incessant paranoia, this one's decline is from Malcolm X to Chris Tucker.
[Source]
• Brad Pitt: He-Man or frat boy? [ICYDK]
• Anna Nicole Law & Order is on tonight! They don't waste any time. [TMZ]
• More talk of Jessica Simpson being a "tranny." [Yeeeah]
• Once Hefner's forgetting what year the Boobs of the Year exist in, it's time to hang up the silk robe. [HT]
• "Play lesbian"? [CityRag]
• I suggest you don't sign the "Free Paris" petition. [DH]
• Sanjaya, on I Love New York, nobody can hear you scream. [SH]
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