Human grease trap Bill O'Reilly appeared on the ever-popular Daily Show last night to goofily spar with Jon Stewart and show how he can be "with it, like the Negroes." No, he didn't say that, but you know he was thinking it in his fat, two-bit head.
For a good 10 minutes, the two polar opposites mocked one another in an awkward dance of an interview that can be summed up like this:
O'Reilly: You liberal queers in New York don't know the "real America."
Stewart: You sure are stupid, huh?
Sure, we suppose it's sort of funny to see Stewart grill O'Reilly about how his beliefs are absurd, but why give this man more airtime than he already gets on Fox News? Especially if you're not going to really run him over the coals for being a detestable piece of garbage.
The first part's above and the second is after the jump.
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Jay Newman, the pastor of St Mary Catholic Church in Greenville, SC, is asking parishioners who voted for Barack Obama to not present themselves for Communion until they've gone to confession and asked for forgiveness for cooperating with "intrinsic evil," "lest they eat and drink their own condemnation."
After the jump, this rotten, corrupted bastard Newman's letter of explanation:
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HILLARY THE NEW CONDOLEEZZA? • "We may soon be calling Hillary Rodham Clinton 'Madame Secretary.' The New York senator and former first lady is being considered for secretary of state by President-elect Barack Obama - an appointment that would go a long way toward healing the wounds left by their bruising Democratic primary battle. Two Obama advisers confirmed Clinton is under serious consideration, according to NBC News' Andrea Mitchell."
NORTON'S OBAMA DOC GAINS MOMENTUM • "A documentary, more than two years in the making, about President-elect Barack Obama’s campaign is gathering significant interest from international distributors just days after being picked up in the United States by HBO. A team of directors and editors backed by the actor Edward Norton is furiously editing the untitled project. Given the historic nature of Mr. Obama’s victory and worldwide interest in the presidential race, the film is drawing attention from the BBC and other foreign broadcasters. Since the HBO acquisition was announced, 'we’ve had an enormous number of incoming calls from territories all over the world,' said Andrew Hurwitz, an entertainment lawyer who is representing the film along with the talent agency Endeavor."
Meet Michaela Watkins, newest member of the SNL troupe, doing her Arianna impression. And ha! It's pretty good. Especially how she incorporated her dorm room or whatever into her audition tape.
But if Lorne Michaels was going the political route for the rest of the season and trying to keep cashing in on the post-election viewership, why not hire a guy who looks reasonably like Obama? Not that there is anything wrong with Fred Armisen, but he just plays it so straight, and it brings up that issue of how do you make fun of a guy who represents real change and hope for our country? Blah bah. You guys know what I'm talking about.
But hey, at least Michaela will make a good Michelle Obama? And her Arianna is still way better than Tracy Ullman's.
The seven-page questionnaire being sent to those seeking high-ranking positions in the Obama administration is being called "considerably more detailed than we had to fill out" by a former Clinton aide and "invasive" by other Washington insiders.
Among the 63 questions – some of which have multiple parts – are queries about gun ownership (of you and your family), Internet aliases, embarrassing experiences at work and embarrassing family members (above).
Thinking of applying? Keep this in mind: your drunk, gun-owning cousin who can't get his shit together is going to be loyal to you far longer than the US government.
Sarah Palin was on The Today Show yesterday with secretly-roasted Matt Lauer to discuss how annoying it was that Katie Couric asked her about what newspapers she read in Alaska:
To me that was a little bit annoying. Because I'm like, what do you mean, what do I read in Alaska? I read the same things that you guys read in New York. And there in LA and in Washington state. What do you mean what I read up there? But anyway, just– just some annoyance, that certainly I'm sure showed through. And, you know, perhaps that annoyance that showed through would have led some to be annoyed with me watching the interview.
Except, erm, hate to stop ya there Sarah, but we have this thing called YouTube now, and you can see for yourself that's not the question the Couric asked you.
So the same guy who sold us on the old "Joe the Plumber making out with Kristin Wiig scam" apparently got Fox News and the rest of the country believing his story about Sarah Palin not knowing that Africa was a continent and not a country.
S'crazy, right? Because wouldn't Fox News have people to fact-check this? And yes, Martin Eisenstadt (pictured left next to Joe) says he's a McCain strategist and shares/stole the name of a conservative analyst but didn't the flack over at News Corp bother to Google him or anything? This dude is a total phony.
But it gets weirder.
The Obama family has already been given delightfully awesome nicknames, and by "nicknames" I mean code terms the Secret Service uses to refer to members of the family, although since this is already leaked on the Internet it's not so much a "code" now and just more of an "awesome nickname," so my original point stands.
Anyway, all the Obamas have names now beginning with the letter R, and they are way better than those of the Clinton family, who were referred to as Eagle (Bill) and Evergreen (Hillary), or the Bush family which was Tumbler (George W.), Tempo (Laura) and Sheepskin (George Sr.).
If you guys ever want to use your ham radios to listen in to your Secret Service station, get ready for President-Elect Renegade.
What a response! It's slightly heartwarming to know that I'm not the only one with psychotic Facebook friends — but it's also frightening to realize just how many crazy people are out there. Thanks to the overwhelming number of entries for Most Ignorant Facebook User Ever, we've broken it down into sections. Enjoy (and weep for our country)!
DIVIDE AND CONQUER Only three days after the election, the conservatives are doing exactly what we Obama maniacs hoped they would. Rather than taking their loss Tuesday in stride, regrouping and focusing on getting stronger, the right is consuming itself with useless finger-pointing. The Free Republic forum, a major Web destination for conservatives and nationalists, is calling for a boycott of Fox News for being too harsh to Sarah Palin in the wake of the election. Hahahahaha. Rejoice! Machiavelli would be proud.
THANK GOODNESS "Oprah's crying shoulder has been identified. The man she was photographed sobbing on during President Elect Barack Obama's Grant Park rally, is volunteer Sam Perry, the Chicago Sun-Times reported on Thursday. According to the Sun-Times, Perry will appear on the Oprah Winfrey Show on Friday. "
More proof of the election's mental and emotional damage: There's a man out there who is seriously in love with Condoleezza Rice and is on a quest to meet her. We have no idea when this film/documentary, Courting Condi, is going to be released, but the trailer looks simply amazing. Even better? The main star is Buzz from Home Alone. There are no words.
Sadly, not everyone made it through election season with all of their senses intact. The View mediator Whoopi Goldberg issued a cry for help on today's show when she proceeded to read a letter to Barack Obama — "written" by her cat, Oliver. Barbara Walters voiced her concern, but Whoopi soldiered on, delivering a solid three minutes of awkwardness and uncomfortable giggles (skip to the 2:15 mark).
Someone needs a vacation.
Seen this yet?
The treatment President Bush has received from this country is nothing less than a disgrace. The attacks launched against him have been cruel and slanderous, proving to the world what little character and resolve we have. The president is not to blame for all these problems. He never lost faith in America or her people, and has tried his hardest to continue leading our nation during a very difficult time.
Our failure to stand by the one person who continued to stand by us has not gone unnoticed by our enemies. It has shown to the world how disloyal we can be when our president needed loyalty — a shameful display of arrogance and weakness that will haunt this nation long after Mr. Bush has left the White House.
After the jump, the Mollygood response.
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KEEP SENDING IN YOUR CRAZY FACEBOOK FRIENDS' STATUSES There's still time! We'll do a round-up tomorrow, so if you have any disturbing Facebook statuses from your sad Republican friends, send them in: whitney@mollygood.com.
Now that the election is over and both Tina Fey and Sarah Palin have ended their runs playing the potential future Vice President, what's in the cards for the two women? Both are hilarious — one intentionally, one unintentionally — and both are beautiful and (arguably) talented. So who will stand a better chance for success in life after the presidential election? CONTINUED »
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