Here we go again. A regular feature film about pornography hired some authentic porn stars in the interest of realism and media outlets are now trying yet again to convince people that porn is penetrating the mainstream. This is more tiresome than an all day gang bang.
Like Boogie Nights before it, Kevin Smith's Zack and Miri Make a Porno features a couple porn actresses in bit parts, leading flagging newspaper The LA Times to run this headline: "Porn stars are the new crossover artists." Salacious! And also: misleading. Because people have been saying this for years despite the fact that very little evidence supports the claim.
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After the jump, what you've all been waiting for—a totally SFW minute of political porno Who's Nailin' Palin?
Because the clip ends before the nailin' begins, we can't be certain, but we think the answer to the film's titular question is: the Russians.
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It's here! The Sarah Palin porno has gone from Craigslist meme to actual real thing.
Currently in production, the film is being funded, of course, by one Larry Flynt.
Pics of porno Palin after the jump (NSFW).
SEX PLOTS COME TO THE FOREFRONT OF CULTURE "In the life-imitates-art department, there's no better example than David Duchovny, a real sex addict - he recently checked into rehab for sex addiction - who plays one in the Showtime series 'Californication.' … Yet Duchovny's show is not the only place where once underground practices are moving into the mainstream. Opening Friday is 'Choke,' … starring Sam Rockwell as a sex addict; George Clooney plays one for laughs in the recent 'Burn After Reading.' Writer-director Kevin Smith's 'Zack and Miri Make a Porno,' opening Oct. 31, tells of platonic friends … who raise money by starring in their own sex film. … Coming soon to the WE network are 'Secret Lives of Women: Sex Addicts' … and a new reality series, 'Sex Change Hospital.' CBS recently broadcast 'Swingtown,' a summer replacement series about swinging '70s couples. And really pushing the envelope is Palahniuk's latest novel, 'Snuff,' about an aging porn star determined to have sex with 600 men in a single day."
A Wal-Mart employee in Louisiana is in trouble with the feds for stealing a (technically) pornographic photo of Jamie Lynn Spears breast-feeding her child. There are just so many things wrong with this story, we don't know where to begin.
Jamie Lynn's fiance, Casey Aldridge, took your average I'm-a-new-teen-parent pictures on his digital camera and then ordered copies at his local Wal-Mart (of course), where one of the employees got a little too excited about a picture of a 17-year-old exposing her breast to feed a baby. This poses a problem for the creep because Jamie Lynn is a minor, and selling or buying pictures of this nature constitutes pornography. Oh, and then there's the whole issue of stealing Casey's photos.
Let this be a lesson to all of you: Don't get your photos developed at Wal-Mart. Also, don't be a pedophile.
[Source]
Perhaps scared away by the massive public outpouring of shock/interest/disgust/horniness that followed her intensely freckled, nude photo shoot for New York magazine, Lindsay Lohan has turned down a $700,000 offer to do an eight-page spread in Playboy. This despite the fact that a simple Google search will turn up numerous photographs enlightening a person as to what each and every one of the young actress' private parts look like.
It's the end of an era, people. And you know what? Good for her.
Sorry, playgirls and gay boys, after 35 years of nude dudes, Playgirl magazine is shuttering its print publication. According to an e-mail editor-in-chief Nicole Caldwell sent to the media, "Playgirl is going all-Web. The last print issue will be the Jan/Feb 2009 magazine, which comes out Nov. 18."
After the jump, a (Wikipedia-assisted) list of all the famous men who appeared either nude or semi-nude in Playgirl's pages over the years.
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The legal team defending R Kelly, aka Jack the Pisser, in his Chicago kiddie porn trial rested their case yesterday after just two days of testimony, meaning jurors could be in deliberation as early as Thursday.
According to reports out of Illinois, Kelly's defense was nowhere near as tight as his cornrows:
It was not the defense courthouse observers expected in the high-profile proceeding. There were no surprise witnesses, no gotcha moments, no explanation of how the raunchy video came into existence. During opening statements and the prosecution's case, the defense offered many theories that it didn't follow up.
If Kelly, the libido behind "Hump Bounce" and "Freak Dat Body," is convicted, he faces up to 15 hard years in prison. But don't get too excited just yet. As one legal analyst who spoke to the Chicago Tribune is quick to note: "Celebrities are tough to convict, particularly in their hometown."
The jurors in R. Kelly’s child pornography trial had the distinct displeasure of watching the sex tape that allegedly depicts R. Kelly having sex and urinating on a girl who could have been as young as 13. According to reports, Kelly “watched the video with a studied stare.” Maybe he was trying to act like he hadn’t seen it plenty of times when it was part of his personal video library.
Ashley Alexandra Dupré, aka Ashley Youmans, the ambitious young escort who became an instant celebrity after getting caught servicing ex-governor Eliot Spitzer, is being offered $1 million to drop a $10 million lawsuit she's brought against Girls Gone Wild. Dupré is suing the bastards for allegedly plying her with alcohol, "tricking" her into getting naked on camera and then — without her consent — using that footage in a video.
Joe Francis, head asshole at Girls Gone Wild, says Dupré has "zero chance" of winning the lawsuit, as he has "videotape of her giving consent, while showing her identification." Francis recommends Dupré take the million and walk: "She should keep in mind, it's considerably more than the Governor of New York paid her, and our activities aren't illegal," he told the New York Daily News. Oh, man, we hate that guy.
More than ever before, we are hoping and wishing for a hell in which guys like Joe Francis get the shit beaten from them hour after hour by Amazonian superbitches with real boobs and big fists.
We call bullshit on the Jimi Hendrix sex tape. Though the man in the movie does bear a resemblance to Hendrix, it's not uncanny (where are the acne scars?) and before jumping to conclusions it would serve people well to remember that porn has a long history of adapting things to fit its purposes. Duh: Throbbin' Hood?
GIRLS GONE LITIGIOUS "The call girl linked to the downfall of former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer sued the founder of the 'Girls Gone Wild' series on Monday for $10 million, claiming he exploited her image and name to advertise the racy videos. Ashley Alexandra Dupre, 22, contended in the lawsuit that she was only 17 — too young to sign legally binding contracts — and drunk on spring break in 2003 when she agreed to be filmed for 'Girls Gone Wild' in Miami Beach."
Oily little man Brett Ratner is in talks to direct the remake of The Incredible Shrinking Man. Eddie Murphy is set to star in the film, which, again, will not be pornographic despite a premise that completely lends itself to the genre.
COITUS INTERRUPTUS "Jenna Jameson admitted that she's had 'a bit of rocky year' during the Adult Video News Awards on Saturday, but stunned everyone by saying that she's done with porn for good."
• LOL, indeed. [PITNB]
• No more masculine musicals! They're oxymoronic and moronic. [DListed]
• Cigarettes and jet skis would be a good name for an electroclash band if anyone listened to electroclash anymore. [PS]
• It's time for the porn awards; also know as the Oscars for Victims of Sexual Abuse. [HT]
• Mischa Barton makes history and takes responsibility for her actions. [INO]
• YIKES: "Pregnant Jamie Lynn Spears has been dumped by boyfriend Casey Aldridge because he doubts he is the father…" [ICYDK]
• Madonna's bottled water is even more stupid than everyone else's bottled water. [Yeeeah]
• Vinyl records are exactly 87 percent cooler than MP3s. [CityRag]
Gay gay porn king Michael Lucas has invited Hills flotsam Spencer Pratt to be a star in one of his films. Here's Lucas' publicity stunt in his own words:
He was born to be in a gay-porn blockbuster. Lucas Entertainment would do anything to be able to center our next major all-male production on Spencer Pratt.
Trust me - I’ll know how to show viewers the parts of Spencer Pratt they most want to see.
He'll know how to show us Spencer's sense of decency? We thought Michael Lucas was in the cock game.
Editor
