• Too much hotness in one video: Anderson Cooper and Michael Phelps take to the pool.

• Tom Cruise allowed his family to have a nice, quiet Thanksgiving at home. Just kidding, he paraded them out in front of the paparazzi, as usual. [PS]

• Another lukewarm "Womanizer" performance by Britney Spears. [Yeeeah]

• And the Britney mediocrity continues, this time in Glamour magazine. [HT]

• When did Shia LaBeouf turn into a homeless person? [INO]

• Worst rumor of the week: Mary-Kate Olsen is pregnant. Xenu help us all. [ICYDK]

Not content to just disappear into the abyss of obscurity, Mariah Carey frolicked over to Ellen DeGeneres' show to play coy about the latest batch of pregnancy rumors. When Carey simply said "No, that's OK," in response to Ellen's question as to whether or not the singer is expecting, Ellen got smart and offered her champagne:

But Carey tells her it's 'just fattening. That's not champagne. You can't have it on TV.'

DeGeneres then tells her, 'Let's toast to you not being pregnant.'

Replies Carey, 'Oh, my goodness! I can't believe her! Why would we toast to that? How about to the future?'

Now, if this were any other celebrity we would say, "OMG she's totally preggers!" but this is Mariah we're talking about — she's just desperate for attention in any form or fashion. Sorry, Nick Cannon, you won't be cashing in on your fortune just yet.

• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are celebrating two years of their creepy, bizarre marriage. [DListed]

• Amy Winehouse's drug-filled beehive is back. Everyone can relax. [ICYDK]

• Mariah Carey knows how to get the pregnancy rumor mill churning: Cover up and touch your stomach. [PS]

• Jessica Simpson continues to mutilate her face. [HT]

• Twilight star Robert Pattinson is going to have some sort of nervous breakdown in the very near future. It's inevitable. [INO]

• Life is tough for Kim Kardashian. [Yeeeah]

• This video of a cat trying to fit in a yogurt box is strangely captivating. [CityRag]

• Jennifer Aniston is reportedly pregnant with twins. Of course she is. [Yeeeah]

• Paris Hilton lost last night's presidential election. How did this happen?! [PS]

• Anne Hathaway's new boyfriend is about 500 steps up from her last. [INO]

• Hollywood's newest love muffin, Robert Pattinson: “I always get carried away when I’m kissing people. I just go nuts.” Swoon! [ICYDK]

• Tom Cruise plans to ruin Charlize Theron. [DListed]

The Eva Longoria pregnancy rumors have been put to rest for the time being, thanks to a few E! trolls who spotted the Desperate Housewives actress smoking cigarettes last night at the BlackBerry Bold launch party. Oh, and sources say she was looking "super skinny," as opposed to the obese monster she has become as of late.

Seriously though, Eva has remained at relatively the same weight as she has during most of her time in the spotlight, so the lack of fat obviously does nothing to help squash the pregnancy rumors. So what does? We made up a list, after the jump. Feel free to add your own.

CONTINUED »

• By popular demand: The other clip of Sarah Palin's Saturday Night Live appearance. [Yeeeah]

• Jennifer Aniston is reportedly pregnant with John Mayer's baby. We'll wait until the National Enquirer confirms this before we believe it. [INO]

• Guy Ritchie on sex with Madonna: It's like "cuddling up to a piece of gristle." [CityRag]

• Tara Reid reminds us of the dangers of too much plastic surgery. [ICYDK]

• Suri Cruise tries to make a run for it after Tom forces her to pose for pictures. What a dad. [DListed]

• Dakota Fanning performed with her high school cheerleading squad over the weekend while her new movie debuted at the box office. Just like us! [PS]

THANK HEAVENS "While several reports are claiming Jamie Lynn is preggers again, an unimpeachable source tells TMZ Britney's baby sis does not have another bun in the oven."

Normally we wouldn't trust this story, courtesy of the National Enquirer, but we would have never believed that Britney Spears would shave her head and hold her child hostage in a bathroom, so it's safe to say that the Spears family isn't exactly predictable. And then there's the source, who was right that one time about John Edwards, so we can't fully doubt the credibility of this rumor. Instead, we'll just pray it's not true.

Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant again, y'all! Only three months after giving birth to her first child, the teenage mother is already knocked up for a second time.

'Jamie Lynn is about eight weeks pregnant, and she and her mom Lynne are hysterical. … Jamie Lynn believed she couldn’t get pregnant while she was breast-feeding. She’d expected to have her period by early September.' A home pregnancy test came back positive and Jamie Lynn cried her eyes out, said the source.

OK, first off, why is Lynne furious? This is just another child to add to her pot of boiling cash cows. You know she's already got OK! on the phone for yet another million dollar exclusive. Secondly, friends are supposedly urging JL to abort this baby so she can focus on the first. It's a shame there's no way to avoid getting pregnant in the first place … perhaps some sort of protection? Oh right, they make that. And JL obviously doesn't use it.

• The littlest Palin lady is the only one we can stomach. [DListed]

• Eva Longoria denies the pregnancy rumors: "I’m just fat. I gained 5lb over the summer so instead of a size zero, I’m a size one." [INO]

• Jennifer Aniston stays relevant by playing in the sprinklers. [HT]

• Kid Rock vs. Oprah … We have a feeling this isn't going to go well for the Kid. [ICYDK]

• Forget those new 90210 twerps; we'll take Adam Brody any day. [PS]

• Keira Knightley was verbally attacked by a someone, but she surprisingly survived without collapsing into a pile of malnourished bones. [Yeeeah]

WELL, WE WOULDN'T ACCEPT A DRINK FROM WILMER EITHER "Eva Longoria Parker added fuel to pregnancy rumors by skipping the silly sauce and raw foods in Vegas on Labor Day. The star instead nibbled edamame and drank water at the opening of Yellowtail Sushi Restaurant and Bar at the Bellagio, and even passed on a round of shots bought by Wilmer Valderama for her table of gal pals."

Katie Holmes flew across the country from her Broadway rehearsals to attend husband Tom Cruise's Tropic Thunder premiere last night in LA, because no Cruise-related event is complete without Katie's dead eyes and silent cries for help. We're hoping Katie just ate more lettuce leaves than normal, because if that's a baby bump we should probably start stocking up on bottled water and flashlights.

[Source]

ALL BABIES ALL THE TIME! "Jennifer Garner and husband Ben Affleck are expecting another baby, Garner’s former Alias co-star Victor Garber confirms to Usmagazine.com. 'Yes, she is,' Garber, who currently stars on ABC's Eli Stone, told Us when asked if recent speculation was true that the couple is expecting. (Garber officiated the couple's 2005 wedding.) A source adds, 'She is five months pregnant. They are very happy.'"

• Sorry, ladies: Pat O'Brien is getting married. Let's take a moment to honor one of the last good men with an encore presentation of his infamous voicemails. (YouTube audio NSFW) [DListed]

• Get this: Uma Thurman might be pregnant at the same time her ex-husband, Ethan Hawke, is preparing to marry a former nanny that she hired. The circle of life, Hollywood style! [Yeeeah]

• Barack Obama must be doing something right: His daughter isn't hanging out with Heidi Montag. [HT]

• Maggie Gyllenhaal threatens to leave New York City. To be honest, we didn't even know she lived here in the first place. [ICYDK]

• Alert the presses: Lindsay Lohan almost kisses Samantha Ronson. [PS]

• Eva Longoria got "ugly" for her role on Desperate Housewives. Except … she still looks pretty. [INO]

NO WORRIES, NEONATAL HERPES IS VERY RARE "'She’s not drinking. It’s the first time I’ve never seen her do that.' Above source is a firsthand, regular and up close observer of Paris Hilton and her horniness, hotness and sometimes tankedlicious goings on. Said insider’s been posing and preening right alongside Ms. H at a few recent T-town soirees. Gosh, is this the new, freshly domesticated Mrs.-Madden-to-be Paris or Paris the teetotalist, perhaps (for whatever reason)? Or, to get very National Enquirer about it (as if there were any diff here at A.T., I mean, really), could this possibly be the new preggers Paris?"

HERE WE GO AGAIN "A French magazine reported on its website Wednesday morning that Angelina Jolie has given birth to her twins."

Eva Longoria, who has done a respectable job of attempting to stay out of the spotlight lately, finally decided she needed attention. So, naturally, she threw on a loose-fitting dress and placed objects in front of her stomach while parading in front of the Manhattan paparazzi in order to fuel pregnancy rumors. Well, it was nice while it lasted.

[Source]

Pictures of Paris Hilton out in LA last night are causing a ruckus on the Internet because the camera angle makes her look a teensy bit preggers. We don't buy it — we believe in staying positive.

[Source]

The Beyonce pregnancy speculation is snowballing after an anonymous friend reportedly blabbed about Mrs. Jay-Z's bun in the oven. And this time, the rumors are legit:

She has gained a lot of pregnancy weight. When she gains weight, she normally does the Def Jam detox, but not now.

What? No Def Jam detox? This is serious. Everyone does the Def Jam detox. And to further fuel speculation, Beyonce's rep said she didn't know if the star was preggers: "Let me perform an ultrasound and get back to you."

Tom Cruise followed that up by issuing a statement saying Beyonce was more than welcome to borrow his ultrasound machine.

[Source]