Ha! In a case of mistaken career, Dita Von Teese, the woman who strips for a living but gets pissed if you call her a stripper, was asked by Prince Charles to perform for his son, Prince Harry, at Harry's birthday party in September.
Charles unwittingly hired the stripper after they met at the Cartier International Polo Tournament and she told him she was a "dancer," forgetting to add that her routine closes with her breasts slick with soapy water and topped by glittery pasties. Oh, won't the Queen be pleased!
• There's a reason Jay-Z raps, and he proves it during his rendition of Oasis' "Wonderwall." [PS]
• The latest, most random celebrity feud: Jessica Simpson vs. Pam Anderson. Can they both lose? [INO]
• It's been too long since we've seen inappropriate pictures of Britney Spears' special area (NSFW, obviously). [HT]
• Prince Harry is officially the best-looking one in the royal family, even when he hasn't bathed. [DListed]
• In what universe does David Hasselhoff think he's fit to record a collaboration with Mark Ronson? [ICYDK]
Here's the thing about rehab: Addicts need to be in treatment for more than two weeks. And if you're Amy Winehouse, you should probably be in treatment for more than two years.
We know this because despite her recent stint in rehab, Amy seems to have a penchant for sticking anything up her nose.
The crack-smoking jazz diva has taken up Prince Harry's former favorite pastime — of snorting neat vodka up her hooter.
'She was sat next to Kelly [Osbourne] and Miquita [Oliver] when she covered one nostril, tilted her head back and sucked the vodka shot down her open nostril through a straw.
'Amy was on top form and begged a pal to teach her the dance where you spin your head around really fast while you wind into the ground. Amy was so into it at one point her beehive nearly fell off.'
Not the beehive! That's where she hides her stash.
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Despite a reporting embargo on Prince Harry's whereabouts during his four-month deployment, the Drudge Report decided it would be a great idea to reveal that he has been serving on the front lines in Afghanistan.
Out of concern for his safety, officials put Prince Harry on a plane out of Afghanistan, but a Ministry of Defense spokesperson declined to comment on where he was headed. Obvs.
There's a reason the media is asked not to reveal this type of information, as it puts the Prince and the rest of the troops in extreme danger.
But if we were Prince Harry and we wanted out of the whole serving-our-country thing, we would call up the Drudge Report and leak that info faster than you could say "reporting embargo." Voila! Early retirement.
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Sorry, William, now your brother's the handsome one; I suppose for reasons as antiquated as the monarchy itself. Cheerio.
Nice to see that we sent our best and brightest over to the Concert for Diana this weekend. Do we need more Europeans to consider us boorish and arrogant?
More after this.
CONTINUED »
The incomparable and intrepid Matt Lauer took on Princes William and Harry the other night in an NBC News special. Certainly emboldened by the reports that his approach would prove far more professional than that of the 25-year-old tart given prior access to the brothers, Lauer delved deep, asking (and I'm paraphrasing only slightly), "How does it feel to be more famous than Michael Jordan?" and "Is it tough to make true bros?" Wonderful! Don't anyone ever again say that blogs don't matter when this is what passes for serious news. Unless you're from Al Jazeera.
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Just hours ago the decision has been made public by senior British military officials that Prince Harry will not be deployed to Iraq as he had asked.
Prince Harry will not be sent for military duty in Iraq because of the excessive risks this would cause for him and his comrades, the head of the army said today.
"I have decided that Prince Harry will not deploy as a troop leader with his squadron," General Sir Richard Dannatt told reporters.
Sir Richard said he had travelled to Iraq in the past week and learned of "a number of specific threats - some reported and some not reported - which relate directly to Prince Harry as an individual".
He continued: "These threats expose not only him, but also those around him, to a degree of risk that I now deem unacceptable.
"Now that I have decided that he will not be deploying with his troop, the risks faced by his battle group are no different to those faced by any other battle group or other of our servicemen in Iraq."
Prince Harry is noted as being "very disappointed."
Though this was to be expected, and is probably a wise and fair decision, it's unfortunate that Harry's leadership couldn't come all the way to fruition. Perhaps some of our more fortunate sons can pick up where Harry was forced to leave off.
Prince Harry attempted to attack a photographer early Sunday morning after indulging in one too many "Crack Babies" and becoming aggressive.
Harry, 22, turns into Prince Pugnacious - ever ready to take a swing at the paparazzi who have an unfortunate knack of catching him at his most undignified.
Before his latest fall from grace, Harry had been downing Crack Baby cocktails - a heady mix of vodka, passion fruit, raspberry liqueur and champagne - with his friend and budding TV presenter Natalie Pinkham. Delivered in a test tube, the Crack Baby is designed to be 'downed in one' and costs £8 a time.
The fracas broke out when Miss Pinkham left Boujis via the main entrance at 3am and Harry tried to slip out of the back - but ran straight into a posse of photographers, including Nirach Tanner.
"He was very drunk,' said Mr Tanner, 27. "I took a few shots and he just came for me. He knows me because I've taken his pictures before and I have never had a problem with him.
"He screamed at me to "fuck off" then grabbed me and tried to shove me over. He had his hands around my collar and back. It was an assault."
Harry then apparently thought better of attacking Mr Tanner and tried to get into the Range Rover. Unfortunately he turned too sharply and fell into the gutter, displaying his pink socks and boxer shorts to the assembled throng. "His bodyguard had to help him up and direct him into the car," said another witness. "Harry looked a bit dazed and buried his head in his arms," another witness said.
Here's something they won't teach you at military school, Harry: Test tube shots are only allowed on Spring Break, and even then you're sure as hell not supposed to order them for yourself at $16 a piece. You wait until the guy your friend knows from Florida buys a round, then you take a sip and dump the rest into the sand when he's high-fiving someone.
Also, while I think it's great that you're going to Iraq, a lot of people don't; and getting blotto on passion fruit shooters and taking spills into gutters probably isn't the best way to ease everyone's concerns.
[Source]
Amid many rumors, the British Ministry of Defense has finally released the news that Prince Harry is definitely being deployed to the war in Iraq, even as Britain scales back troop presence in the conflict:
Prince Harry's regiment is set to deploy to Iraq later this year, the Ministry of Defence and Clarence House have confirmed.
In a joint statement, the MoD and Clarence House confirmed that the 22-year-old prince would be in command of a troop from 'A Squadron' of the Household Cavalry Regiment.
The statement said that while in Iraq, Cornet Wales - as he is known in his regiment - would carry out a normal troop commander's role, involving leading a troop of 12 men in four Scimitar armoured reconnaisance vehicles, each with a crew of three.
Many in the UK are already angry that their country is involved in the war, and this news has only exacerbated things, as citizens are now even more upset by the fact that there seems to be a correlation between the Prince going to war and the government choosing to withdraw from Iraq.
Regardless, I like that British protest slogan above. Try chanting that three times fast. Why can't you just say "Bush lied, people died" like the rest of us? England's always showing off.
Prince Harry, third in line for the British throne, is replacing the polo mallet with an automatic weapon and demanding that he be deployed to the front lines of Iraq, and he's threatening resignation if his request is denied.
Buckingham Palace last night dismissed as "just speculation" reports that Prince Harry is to serve on the front line in Iraq within weeks.
But they fell short of issuing a full denial.
Harry, who is a second lieutenant, has made it clear he wants to serve on the front line.
He has even warned superiors that he would resign his commission if he was denied action in either Iraq or Afghanistan.
And he even saw in the New Year with girlfriend Chelsy Davy on a romantic holiday on an Indian Ocean island, so they could spend time together before a war-zone posting.
Senior military sources had been quoted as saying that the 22-year-old would be heading for Basra with the Blues and Royals Regiment in the next troop deployment at the end of the month.
Should the prince, who will be known as Troop Commander Wales by his colleagues, be posted to Iraq, he will be in charge of 12 soldiers in light-armoured vehicles.
They could expect to be sent on reconnaissance and intelligence-gathering missions along the border with Iran.
HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, BUSH TWINS! Are you checking this out?
[Source]
Unfortunately, it wasn't until after I spent a good couple of minutes rewriting the lyrics to a verse of the Spin Doctor's masterpiece "Two Princes" about the this picture that I learned the photo of Princes Harry and William fondling and martini-ing is three years old. Since I'm never one to waste time (HA) I will still give you my work. Please sing the beginning of the song to yourself with these words:
One, two princes here before you
(That's what I said, now)
Princes, princes who adore boobs
(Just go ahead, now)
One has, a receding hairline
(That sounds great, now)
This one, won't be king and that's fine
(Ain't in his head, now)
Yeah, so that's as far as I got before realizing I'm an idiot. Great song, by the way.
As a reward for sitting through that, I present you Pink's new reverse mullet:
Not much of a reward, I suppose.
[Source]
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