OK seriously, everyone, WTF is up with Brangelinanistongate '08?
Beg pardon, but the intense interest in this petty love triangle escapes me in the way a good card trick does—I see it, I know it's happened and that there's a way it happened, and yet I have no idea how. How did these three peoples' intertwined relationships become not just global news, but news in which many seem to have an emotional investment? Why do we (as a trashy society? Nation? World?) care?
I started drinking and theorizing and have come up with the following:
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ESQUIRE: PLEASE NOTE, VINCE VAUGHN HAS GOTTEN HEAVY • "Vince Vaughn looks a lot like Vince Vaughn, only bigger…His face is full, puffy enough to make him sometimes look as though he's fighting to keep his eyes open—not as though he's just woken up but as though he's never bothered to go to bed in the first place."
USA! USA! USA! We've got another tale of democratic mayhem directly from a reader who braved the polling places today.
Ashley voted in New York City this morning and learned that, no matter what your t-shirt might say, NY don't heart you. Click through to remind yourself why you live in a small town, and keep sending your voting stories, funny or horrific, to squeal@mollygood.com.
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A letter, dear readers, from the front lines of Election Day.
Commenter sar, who voted deep in the heart of liberalism (Alabama), shares her experience, which included grumpy shouting and church. Wheeeeeeeee!
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Actually, I already voted this morning. And when I went into that booth, I thought about how my battalion got deployed to Iraq four times! I thought about that and about my brothers that are still over there, so you don't talk to me.
-An Arlington, Virginia man to a GOP poll watcher attempting to hand him a sample Republican ballot this morning. Soon after the confrontation, the Republican volunteer, the only one at the polling place, gathered his things and left.
Arlington voter: Is this the garbage bag?
Obama poll watcher: No, that's the Republican poll watcher's literature.
Arlington voter: Oh, so the garbage bag.
Here we go again. A regular feature film about pornography hired some authentic porn stars in the interest of realism and media outlets are now trying yet again to convince people that porn is penetrating the mainstream. This is more tiresome than an all day gang bang.
Like Boogie Nights before it, Kevin Smith's Zack and Miri Make a Porno features a couple porn actresses in bit parts, leading flagging newspaper The LA Times to run this headline: "Porn stars are the new crossover artists." Salacious! And also: misleading. Because people have been saying this for years despite the fact that very little evidence supports the claim.
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So, a gay couple in West Hollywood is getting famous for hanging an effigy of Sarah Palin from their roof!
Some people think it's hilarious and take pictures, others think it's in poor taste and say things like, "What if someone hung a Barack Obama mannequin from a noose?" To which we reply: Do you know anything about history? And also SOMEONE HAS!
We think it's pretty offsides. Even if Palin is a race-baiting, witch hunting arctic kook, it's probably best to avoid depicting anyone as the victim of a lynch mob. What's your take?
Rapper Lil Wayne refused to perform in Boston last evening after he "failed to make it through security" at the TD Banknorth Garden. One must assume this means Wayne was carrying guns and/or drugs and refused to relinquish them to enter the venue.
Goddamn are we ever having a hard time deciding whether this guy is a junkie idiot or one of the last vanguards of authentic rock and roll rebellion.
Whoops! Disney's Touchstone Pictures picked the wrong time to come out with Confessions of a Shopaholic. Now that everyone's broke and scared, ad folks believe it's going to be mighty tough to convince consumers to plop down $10 to watch a movie about a beautiful, young, white lady who likes to buy things, which, unfortunately, was once considered a winning storyline.
MORE CAMPAIGNUS INTERRUPTUS FOR MCCAIN "CNN reports that top officials of Sen. John McCain's campaign are 'making tough decisions' as they now see Colorado, New Mexico and Iowa no longer winnable. Instead, the campaign's 'risky strategy' is counting on Florida, Nevada, North Carolina, Ohio, Virginia, and a comeback in Pennsylvania."
Shit! Jezebel's paparazzi photo art gallery is very, very good and we are so damn mad that we didn't do it first. Check it out and then riddle us this…
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YOUTUBE'S PRODUCTION DESTROYS H'WOOD'S "Each day, there are 13 hours of content uploaded to YouTube per minute. That … is the equivalent of Hollywood releasing 57,000 movies per week."
ARE POLITICS KILLING MOVIE STARS? "Leonardo DiCaprio is a big supporter of saving the planet. George Clooney is always at the U.N., trying to prevent more mass murder and starvation in Darfur. Matt Damon recently criticized Sarah Palin, saying if she were elected vice president it would be 'like a really bad Disney movie–'The Hockey Mom.' ' Agree or disagree with their stands–would that really stop you from seeing their movies? If you ask conservatives, the answer is yes. … According to [one conservative blog]: 'Many Americans no longer trust Hollywood not to insult their beliefs and values…. the fall of the movie star … might have something to do with their strident and boorish politicking. Even Americans in sympathy with what DiCaprio and Clooney believe don't want to be scolded about the environment by the private jet, mansion-dwelling crowd.'"
Retired UNC-Chapel Hill men's basketball coach Dean Smith, who once coached Nike Jesus Michael Jordan, has spent a huge part of his life looking up to black guys. Thus, it makes perfect sense that he's come out in support of Barack Obama's bid for POTUS.
So, who's checked out this record-breaking Beverly Hills Chihuahua, the film that prompted one critic to remark, "Paris Hilton and lower-level office workers who own calendars featuring Weimaraners wearing hats will love it."
If you saw it, was it worth it? If yes, really?
OBAMA COMES OUT ON TOP OF DEBATE "Two days after a presidential debate many commentators scored as a tie, it's beginning to look like the public saw things differently … A USA Today/Gallup poll released Sunday showed 46 percent of debate-watchers believed Obama outperformed John McCain, while just 34 percent said McCain got the better of the exchange. Thirty percent of debate-watchers said they had a more favorable opinion of Obama following the debate, compared with just 14 percent who said their opinion of him had worsened. … Obama's numbers have ticked up nationally since the debate, the first of three scheduled this year … In the Sunday update to Gallup's daily tracking poll, Obama widened his lead over McCain to 50-42 percent. Friday, in polling that preceded the debate, Obama had a five-point, 49-44 percent advantage."
Has the real world, hobbled and on its broke knees, its pockets like rabbit ears, finally had enough of rich Hollywood's televised multi-million dollar mutual masturbation sessions? Signs point to yes.
In February, the Oscar telecast had the lowest ratings in history. And last night, the 60th annual Emmy Awards followed suit.
The three-hour … ceremony received a 3.8 rating/9 share in the adults 18-49 demo — the lowest in Nielsen's recorded People Meter history. That's 12% below last year's previous Emmy record low …
Great work, people! Next up: let's all of us but accident victims stop going to plastic surgeons. And after that, the Hooterses. Join the revolution!
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