The furor surrounding R. Kelly’s trial and subsequent acquittal has died down, and, although one might have hoped that R. Kelly wouldn’t be seen or heard from for a long time, that’s not the case. He’s back with a bunch of leaked tracks and a new upcoming album, 12 Play: 4th Quarter. MTV describes some of the tracks for us, and they are singularly about sex, of course. (Song titles include "Wanna Make a Baby?" and "Might Be Mine.")
Let’s face it — unless, due to some warped, wishful thinking, you are convinced that the real R. Kelly is “I Believe I Can Fly” and not “You Remind Me of My Jeep,” or you are just such a die-hard fan that you are completely delusional, most people believe that R. Kelly did indeed film himself having sex with and pissing on his 14-year-old goddaughter, whether they’re in the cut-off-his-balls or the she-was-old-enough-to-know-what-she-wanted camp. You believe this because you saw the tape — which very clearly shows R. Kelly and a sickeningly young girl in an ugly wood-paneled room one might also have seen if one had tuned into his MTV Cribs episode — or because you know that R. Kelly married a 15-year-old Aaliyah, or because you’ve heard about the multiple settlements he’s paid to underage girls who have accused him of sexual misconduct.
The jury saw the same tape many of us did (I was in college; it still makes me queasy to think about it). And, from what they’re saying in post-trial interviews, they saw what everyone else saw. So why the hell did R. Kelly get away with it? There was one little thing. Well, one big thing.
OF COURSE "A jury has found R. Kelly not guilty of the first seven child pornography charges."
BREAKING: SOMETHING'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN "We're hearing the R. Kelly jury has reached a verdict! The judge will read the verdict at 3:00 PM ET."
Not being a law professional and already believing that the man is guilty, it’s difficult for me to gauge R. Kelly’s chances of being acquitted. But you don’t have to be a law professional to know that R. Kelly, who based on insider-y things I’ve heard and interviews I’ve read and witnessed, has the IQ of a slug, did himself a big favor by avoiding the witness stand.
The legal team defending R Kelly, aka Jack the Pisser, in his Chicago kiddie porn trial rested their case yesterday after just two days of testimony, meaning jurors could be in deliberation as early as Thursday.
According to reports out of Illinois, Kelly's defense was nowhere near as tight as his cornrows:
It was not the defense courthouse observers expected in the high-profile proceeding. There were no surprise witnesses, no gotcha moments, no explanation of how the raunchy video came into existence. During opening statements and the prosecution's case, the defense offered many theories that it didn't follow up.
If Kelly, the libido behind "Hump Bounce" and "Freak Dat Body," is convicted, he faces up to 15 hard years in prison. But don't get too excited just yet. As one legal analyst who spoke to the Chicago Tribune is quick to note: "Celebrities are tough to convict, particularly in their hometown."
R. Kelly’s tell-tale mole has been found, the tape has been verified, the young girl has been identified by friends and family, and the prosecution in R. Kelly’s child pornography trial has rested its case. Yesterday, 27-year-old Lisa Van Allen testified that she had multiple three-way encounters with Kelly and the victim when the victim was underage.
R Kelly's defense team in his child pornography trial hit a dark patch on Thursday—literally.
Although lawyers for Kelly had claimed that a mole the singer has on his back was not shared by the man from the sex tape on which this trial is based, prosecutors yesterday used advanced digital imaging to prove that, indeed, the man from the tape has the exact same mole. Uh oh!
Kelly and his attorneys looked grim and dejected during the expert's testimony, while prosecutors looked pleased, appearing to smile as they sat at their courtroom table.
R Kelly's next hit: "Trapped in the Jail Cell (and Getting My Teeth Kicked In)"
• Why did Dunkin Donuts pull this ad featuring Rachel Ray and her scarf? [HP]
• Patrick Swayze says he's responding well to treatment. No jokes, just sending good vibes his way. [People]
• Fans of Indiana Jones have too much time on their hands if they've already pointed out 40 mistakes since the movie's release last weekend. [ICYDK]
• Just as expected, Pete Doherty has killed one of his cats. Where the hell is PETA in all this? [DListed]
• Today's portion of the R. Kelly trial will deal with threesomes that may or may not involve an underage child. Good clean fun. [SH]
The jurors in R. Kelly’s child pornography trial had the distinct displeasure of watching the sex tape that allegedly depicts R. Kelly having sex and urinating on a girl who could have been as young as 13. According to reports, Kelly “watched the video with a studied stare.” Maybe he was trying to act like he hadn’t seen it plenty of times when it was part of his personal video library.
Our favorite person today is some 68-year-old man who fled Communist Romania and who now sits on the jury for R Kelly's child pornography trial.
He told the judge, "I'm probably not the smartest guy, but I will do what is best and fair."
Christ, what happened to my generation?
R Kelly, the reprehensible genius behind the Trapped in the Closet series and a plethora of songs about having sex with things, is facing mounting evidence in his child pornography trial, which will begin jury selection later this week.
The singer is facing a host of charges stemming from a video said to portray him having sex with and urinating on a 13-year-old girl. Though the alleged victim of Kelly's abuse — now 23 — has for years denied a sexual relationship with Kelly, a new female witness for the prosecution will reportedly admit to having a threesome with Kelly and the underage girl.
In the past, three other women have filed civil suits against Kelly in which they claimed to have had sex with him before they were 17, and a fourth was paid a settlement to not sue. In 1994, a 27-year-old Kelly illegally married the now late Aaliyah, who was then then 15, by falsifying the marriage license and claiming she was 18 years old.
Fugitive kid toucher R Kelly appeared in a Chicago courtroom this morning for a hearing in his child pornography case.
A warrant was issued for his arrest yesterday after he failed to appear for a previous hearing. His cooperation today killed that warrant. He'll be snapping training bras by dinner.
Regina Daniels, R Kelly's publicist, has tendered her resignation after 14 long years of trying to make that baby fucker seem normal. Perhaps karmically, she leaves amid rumors Kelly slept with her 19-year-old daughter, whom he originally met when she was only four. Delightful, no?
Daniels has not said for certain that a sexual relationship between Kelly and her daughter drove her away, but in a statement issued to the public, Daniels solemnly noted, "…there are some lines that should never be crossed professionally or personally. Mr. Kelly crossed a line that forever altered the scope of our relationship." Real talk!
[Source]
"Profanity represents just how real shit gets when you arguing with your girl and shit, y'know what I'm sayin'?"
While this swear-laced video is not safe for work, it's not safe for work in the best way, and it's important that you see it when circumstance allows. I'll not introduce it more than that. When you've watched it, and fully absorbed its message, I ask you to sit, think and explain what, exactly, this means: "What they eat don't make us shit!" What does that mean? Thanks.
[Source]
In an effort to bolster the ever-assailed decorum of the Internet, Mollygood looks to poetry with Someone Haiku. Each day—using 17 syllables or less—you’re given the opportunity to wax poetic about some piece of flotsam or jetsam that’s washed up on the shores of Mollygood. Hopefully this Zen practice will not only bathe you in self-discovery, but also bring a touch of Eastern class to a global network of information that’s devolved into nothing more than tit websites and provocative MySpace pictures.
Today's Someone Haiku winner is Surgeonsgirl:
hippie hangs from tent
awaiting rebirth into
future yuppiedom
That was fantastic, Surgeonsgirl. (I especially liked the acknowledgment that many hippies abandon their beliefs once they stand in the way of major profits.) Though DWF might have edged you out had they pruned their syllables by only two.
New Someone Haiku after the jump.
CONTINUED »
It's the ostensible uselessness of it that perplexes me the most about the Trapped in the Closet series. At 14 episodes and counting, a great deal of manpower and money have gone into the production of TITC, yet it doesn't ever present a marketable single and it's shown on IFC, unabridged, for free. Speaking of which, even more puzzling is how anyone convinced the Independent Film Channel to become a major supporter of such an obviously self-indulgent project. And yet I can't pull my attention away from it. It's mesmerizing in the way that a boxing match is. It's a battle between reason and insanity, and R Kelly's voice moves thickly about you like honey: "You crazier than a fish with titties if you think I'ma let you smoke that shit up in my car!" Testify, Robert!
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Those of you unfamiliar with R Kelly's genius hip-hopera Trapped in the Closet but without the 45 minutes necessary to appreciate it in its entirety are in luck; Kelly has released a distilled version explaining the gist of the first 12 chapters. Better news is that after you enjoy the glorious two minutes condensed above, your appetite for more—which must be whetted—will soon be appeased with the release of the next installment of TITC! Too bad this guy's such a piece-of-shit child molester. That kinda saps all the fun out of his weird, hyper-sexual persona.
[Source]
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