We knew it was bound to happen: American Idol judge Paula Abdul inspired a woman, Paula Goodspeed, to sit outside Abdul's LA home in a parked car. Perfectly normal, no? Anyway, Goodspeed reportedly committed suicide last night in said vehicle.
And because TMZ thrives under situations that are part devastating, part exploitative, the Web site has already dug up everything about this woman, except her social security number. But don't worry, that's on its way.
Here's what the TMZ stalkers have come up with so far:
It wasn't a joke: Hills cancers Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are heading to a real TV channel and guest starring on How I Met Your Mother. Seriously! CBS even admitted it:
We can confirm that Heidi and Spencer will appear on the show, but we can't give away anything specific about the episode. … They will be playing magazine cover-versions of themselves as Marshall (Jason Segel) desperately searches for a place to 'read a magazine' while at the office. Montag and Pratt will taunt and tease Marshall from the confines of his current copy of Them Weekly.
Naturally, Spencer had to respond in a douchey way about their episode, set to air in January: "I don’t want to give anything away…but I'm the Mother." Tool.
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I'm afraid I have some bad news, you guys. Brian, the accidental star of our weekly feature Reality Bytes, was eliminated on last night's episode of VH1's d-bag competition The Pick Up Artist. Take a moment to honor him in silence, please.
OK, now that the mourning process is over, let's celebrate Brian's time on our television sets. The happy-go-lucky contestant who had terrible luck with women used his weekly exposure to introduce some fabulous new phrases that we now employ in our everyday vernacular. He also truly wanted to change and learn how to present himself in a way that is attractive to women. Unfortunately, his constant need to admit that he loves pickle juice signaled his demise on the show. This led to an emotional departure in which Brian announced he was finally ready to kiss someone "instead of a mannequin … or a guy." Good for you, Brian. Good for you.
After the jump: Our top five favorite quotes from the man of the hour. He will truly be missed. CONTINUED »
Have any of you been watching the CW's Stylista? As you may recall, we think the fashion magazine reality competition is pretty awesome, from the unnecessary cat fights to Elle news director Anne Slowey's sad inability to walk in heels.
Last night was even more glorious than we had hoped, thanks to Slowey's niece, Erin, who was described as "one of the most fashion-forward and demanding women you will ever work for." Erin turned 10 years old during the episode and instructed the contestants to plan her birthday party. Here were her demands: "I want my party to be fabulous. I want it at FAO Schwarz. So do not embarrass me." Yeah, this girl has no issues whatsoever.
Every week, a bunch of “real” people say really stupid things on reality TV. These are their stories.
10. "I just farted in the bathtub. I didn't want you guys to smell it. Gotta keep the positive energy going. The bad energy goes in the bathroom." — Brian, The Pick Up Artist
The great thing about all these Real Housewives series is that every city is home to a different breed of women. The Orange County ladies are botoxed and over-tanned into an orange oblivion, the New York City women are sophisticated and pretentious beyond belief — but the Atlanta housewives are truly glorious specimens to behold.
In the clip above, meet one of the delusional stars, Kim (not Anderson Cooper's favorite, NeNe, unfortunately), who genuinely thinks she is meant to be a professional singer. We can't say much more than that — just watch the scene and cover your ears.
America's national nightmare, the smarmy duo of Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, is quickly scrambling for jobs now that it looks like The Hills has reached its end. And, unfortunately, it doesn't look like this is going to end well:
A reliable source says one of TV's more consistently funny sitcoms — one also prone to stunt casting (see Spears, Britney) — is close to granting their wish.
Supposedly, Heidi Montag and her manager/fiance are angling to guest star in an upcoming How I Met Your Mother episode, which would likely air in December.
This is a joke, right? Please, please, please someone tell us this is a joke.
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Anderson Cooper is rapidly becoming the one person, living or dead, with whom we would choose to have dinner. Not only is he hilariously sarcastic when it comes to politics — telling Ellen Degeneres, "I'm not sure I existed before [the election]" — he also focuses on what really matters: Reality television. The former Living Lohan critic revealed his current obsession with The Real Housewives of Atlanta, most notably resident crazy NeNe. When Ellen admits she hasn't watched, Anderson asks incredulously, "What have you been doing?" before giving the show the hard sell: "It's good … or something." Swoon.
Clip after the jump (skip to 2:30 for the good stuff). CONTINUED »
It's now time for another break from politics (yes, even on Election Day) to discuss something far more important: The Hills. For all five of you who watched last night, you witnessed Heidi Montag drinking excessively on the job and later getting fired. It was a beautiful moment — or it would have been, if any of it were authentic.
Look, I'm not asking for much here. I get that most of the conversations are rehashing things that already happened, thus not exactly being true to real life, but this whole deal about Heidi's "job" at Bolthouse has been a complete sham from the very begining. I read an interview with a producer once about how the show would take a completely different direction if they showed the girls' "famous" lives — Lauren designing her clothing line, the girls making club appearances, Heidi "singing" — but it's hard to be invested in something you know is completely and utterly fake.
Why not just not show Heidi working (heck, that's what they do with Spencer)? Or, better yet, why not just write those two losers off the show? Actually — and trust me, it pains me to say this — it's probably time to pack it up and call it a day with The Hills. It's reached a point where the girls' celebrity status is making it impossible for the show to bear any semblance of a real life. It makes watching the show feel more like a chore than entertainment, and that's never a good thing.
See you in the unemployment line, Heidi. Be sure to call the paps.
• It's a good thing Joaquin Phoenix decided to retire from acting, because he needs to go back to school. [Yeeeah]
• Former Bachelorette/famewhore DeAnna Pappas has called off her reality show-inspired engagement. Who here is surprised by this? [ICYDK]
• We can't figure out if Enrique Iglesias is being insecure or realistic. [INO]
• A gallery of all the celebrity offspring dressed up in their Halloween costumes, because trick or treating is way more fun with the paparazzi in tow. [PS]
• Amanda Bynes spent too much time in the tanning booth. [HT]
• Amy Winehouse checked out of the hospital last week and checked back in today. Nothing to see here, folks. [DListed]
IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME "[Larry] Birkhead will be showing off his parenting skills in a new reality show, to air on E! in 2009. He says Tori Spelling (who stars on So noTORIous with husband Dean McDermott) convinced him to do the show, telling him: 'Dean and I will support you. Why not? Your life is out there anyway.'"
Every week, a bunch of “real” people say really stupid things on reality TV. These are their stories.
10. "Elina, Annaleigh and Majorie, they had, like, a lesbian bath moment, apparently. … It was very loud." — Samantha, America's Next Top Model
So here I am, sitting in my living room suffering through an episode of Real Chance of Love (it's all for the good of Reality Bytes!) when Michael Phelps slides across my screen with no pants à la Tom Cruise in Risky Business. There is a Xenu!
Upon further investigating, I discovered that he was picked up alongside Kobe Bryant, Tony Hawk and Mr. Madonna himself, Alex Rodriguez, to promote the new Guitar Hero: World Tour. Out of all the ridiculous commercials Michael's starred in since the Olympics, this one is by far the best. (And, admittedly, most disturbing.)
DENISE RICHARDS: SHE WAS RIGHT "Denise Richards is coming back to the small screen! Her E! reality series, Denise Richards: It's Complicated, has been picked up for a second season, the network confirmed Wednesday. An official network nod comes more than a month after Richards herself told Usmagazine.com the show would return."
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Dancing With the Stars inexplicably graced my television set yet again last night, but boy am I glad it did — something magical happened thanks to the producers' decision to make the contestants perform a group hip-hop routine. Cloris Leachman, the 82-year-old who has managed to stick around without doing much dancing at all, was obviously the most entertaining, but soap opera queen Susan Lucci also made me chuckle quite a bit. And my former boyfriend Lance Bass busted out some old school *NSync "Bye Bye Bye" moves (yes, I knew the dance, don't judge).
Despite the awesomeness provided by the contestants, I was left speechless after the routine had ended. I didn't want to talk about what I had just witnessed, because I'm still not sure exactly what the hell happened.
Danity Kane, the mildly talented girl group that was doomed from the start thanks to creator Diddy, is officially in shambles. Upon losing two members, the always classy Aubrey O'Day and sidekick D.Woods, a third girl has decided to call it quits: Shannon Bex, also commonly referred to as the other blond. This leaves only two girls (Aundrea and Dawn, pictured on the far left and right, respectively), who obviously cannot carry the group on their own. Shannon, arguably the nicest member of the bunch, was reportedly "tired of the drama, cat fights and Diddy." We can't argue with that, but we will begrudgingly admit that this makes us terribly sad. Don't judge us.
After the jump: The girls' first performance together upon learning that they won the reality competition and had a spot in the group. Diddy, who can be spotted obnoxiously dancing off to the side, managed to take a fairly good thing and completely destroy it. Nice work, Diddles. CONTINUED »
Dancing With the Stars' Cheryl Burke took to the Ellen DeGeneres Show today to address the idiots who are calling her fat:
I was like, maybe I should just starve myself for four weeks just so people would shut up. But at the end of the day … I'm an athlete. I like to eat, I like to work out, and I like to feel healthy, and I feel healthy.
There is so much pressure — especially starting younger and younger — for girls to think they have to look a certain way. They're making themselves sick. … You don't have to be a size zero to be beautiful.
This is what everyone says all the time, but evidently it bears repeating because people still aren't getting it.
Reality TV losers Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag continued in their quest to make all Americans proud last night at a Hollywood art gallery. The "Lights! Camera! Election!" event was sponsored by a vodka company, which may explain why the tools got drunk and forgot that the presidential race was not all about them.
Congratulations, Speidi: You finally found something more disturbing than a McCain/Palin presidency.
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