So here I am, sitting in my living room suffering through an episode of Real Chance of Love (it's all for the good of Reality Bytes!) when Michael Phelps slides across my screen with no pants à la Tom Cruise in Risky Business. There is a Xenu!
Upon further investigating, I discovered that he was picked up alongside Kobe Bryant, Tony Hawk and Mr. Madonna himself, Alex Rodriguez, to promote the new Guitar Hero: World Tour. Out of all the ridiculous commercials Michael's starred in since the Olympics, this one is by far the best. (And, admittedly, most disturbing.)
DENISE RICHARDS: SHE WAS RIGHT "Denise Richards is coming back to the small screen! Her E! reality series, Denise Richards: It's Complicated, has been picked up for a second season, the network confirmed Wednesday. An official network nod comes more than a month after Richards herself told Usmagazine.com the show would return."
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Dancing With the Stars inexplicably graced my television set yet again last night, but boy am I glad it did — something magical happened thanks to the producers' decision to make the contestants perform a group hip-hop routine. Cloris Leachman, the 82-year-old who has managed to stick around without doing much dancing at all, was obviously the most entertaining, but soap opera queen Susan Lucci also made me chuckle quite a bit. And my former boyfriend Lance Bass busted out some old school *NSync "Bye Bye Bye" moves (yes, I knew the dance, don't judge).
Despite the awesomeness provided by the contestants, I was left speechless after the routine had ended. I didn't want to talk about what I had just witnessed, because I'm still not sure exactly what the hell happened.
Danity Kane, the mildly talented girl group that was doomed from the start thanks to creator Diddy, is officially in shambles. Upon losing two members, the always classy Aubrey O'Day and sidekick D.Woods, a third girl has decided to call it quits: Shannon Bex, also commonly referred to as the other blond. This leaves only two girls (Aundrea and Dawn, pictured on the far left and right, respectively), who obviously cannot carry the group on their own. Shannon, arguably the nicest member of the bunch, was reportedly "tired of the drama, cat fights and Diddy." We can't argue with that, but we will begrudgingly admit that this makes us terribly sad. Don't judge us.
After the jump: The girls' first performance together upon learning that they won the reality competition and had a spot in the group. Diddy, who can be spotted obnoxiously dancing off to the side, managed to take a fairly good thing and completely destroy it. Nice work, Diddles. CONTINUED »
Dancing With the Stars' Cheryl Burke took to the Ellen DeGeneres Show today to address the idiots who are calling her fat:
I was like, maybe I should just starve myself for four weeks just so people would shut up. But at the end of the day … I'm an athlete. I like to eat, I like to work out, and I like to feel healthy, and I feel healthy.
There is so much pressure — especially starting younger and younger — for girls to think they have to look a certain way. They're making themselves sick. … You don't have to be a size zero to be beautiful.
This is what everyone says all the time, but evidently it bears repeating because people still aren't getting it.
Reality TV losers Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag continued in their quest to make all Americans proud last night at a Hollywood art gallery. The "Lights! Camera! Election!" event was sponsored by a vodka company, which may explain why the tools got drunk and forgot that the presidential race was not all about them.
Congratulations, Speidi: You finally found something more disturbing than a McCain/Palin presidency.
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Every week, a bunch of “real” people say really stupid things on reality TV. These are their stories.
10. "Don't look inside my butt crack cause I haven't wiped it in a while." — Johnny, The Island
Cheryl Burke and Lacey Schwimmer, two of the female professional dancers on Dancing With the Stars, are being called fat by not only people in the media but also their male professional counterparts. Oh, come on. Are you kidding? These girls are NOT FAT.
Here's what dancer and professional ass Louis van Amstel has to say for himself:
If you want to gain weight, it's your prerogative. … But you have to deal with the consequences. [People] look at this show to be inspired and think, 'If I just work hard enough, I can look like that.' If they watch someone who's dancing her butt off and she's still heavy, they can be discouraged. You have to take responsibility.
And our dear, sweet, gorgeous Maksim Chmerkovskiy is also adding fuel to the fat fire:
When I first saw these women this season, I said, 'Guys, you know the camera adds 10 pounds. You have to do something about this.'
This is the most absurd, infuriating argument we've heard outside of the McCain/Palin campaign, but maybe we're just crazy. There's nothing fat about these girls, right? Right? Most women would kill to look like either Cheryl or Lacey and they've likely still inspired many viewers who really are overweight to get active and start dancing. To suggest otherwise is irresponsible and appalling.
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Despite the fact that Hills alum Whitney Port scored her own reality TV spin-off, The City, the NYC paparazzi are still unsure as to who exactly this girl is. Behold the WireImage description of Whit at Us Weekly's Hot Hollywood party, who is identified as "Guest," while her lesser known co-star, Olivia Palermo, was easily named. This can not bode well for the budding fashionista, especially during a time when both Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt can be picked out of a crowd by most Americans.
Other stars deemed "hot" by the tabloid included the High School Musical kiddos, a few Gossip Girls (and boys), America's Next Top Tranny Model Jaslene, some Ugly Bettys and Patti LaBelle. Sounds a little lukewarm to us.
Click through for photos.
Dancing With the Stars has yet to really excite me, despite the fact that my former lover Lance Bass is still in the competition, but after tonight the show will grow even less interesting thanks to the inevitable loss of Cloris Leachman. The 82-year-old has been one of the most entertaining contestants of all time, despite the fact that she's far from the best dancer in the competition. In honor of our dear Cloris, here's a clip of her dancing the tango last night and channeling a "skanky ho" (her words, not mine). Her stuff starts at the 5:00 mark and continues in the clip after the jump, where she gives co-host Samantha Harris a mild heart attack.
We'll miss you, Cloris. CONTINUED »
Whitney Port, one of the few Hills characters who doesn't make us want to commit violent acts of rage but has a penchant for saying "OMG" entirely too much, has left the incestuous pool of LA for the incestuous pool of NYC to pursue a career in fashion and suffer from boy drama. Yeah, same premise as The Hills, just way less interesting. We can't decide if this is Whitney's fault or if Lauren Conrad's show just wore us out the first time around. Either way, we're over it. But we'll totally be watching.
On a side note, we kind of love Whit's new friend (roommate?) who delivers the line about an invisible tattoo on her forehead that says "Make out with me," and only guys who live on futons can read it. Love her.
Nick Hogan was finally released from jail at 12:30 a.m. today after serving 166 days of an eight-month sentence. We're assuming incessant whining and acting like a despicable human being qualifies as "good" behavior.
Now that Nick's out of jail he can focus on what really matters: His upcoming "real-ality" show, macaroni and cheese and MySpace blogs. Oh yeah, and maybe he can stop in for a few minutes to visit that guy he almost killed.
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Here's an event we can get behind: The ASPCA Shaggy Dog Gala, held last night in NYC, managed to support the animals without dressing them up in humiliating outfits and forcing them to parade down a runway. Sure, Katie Lee Joel's dog's collar is a little much, but our standards have been lowered when it comes to pet decor.
Among the no-names in attendance: Former Bachelor Lorenzo Borghese (swoon), Lake Bell, Kristen Johnson and The Real Housewives of New York City's Ramona Singer. Good work, people: Keep the clothes off the animals.
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Nikki McKibbin, one of the contestants on the very first season of American Idol, is on the road to recovery after a drug and alcohol addiction that she partly blames on judge Simon Cowell. This oughtta be good.
I came out of Idol with a lack of self-confidence. I think I had my first solo in school when I was 5. … I had never been told I wasn't good enough. Having to hear it for so many weeks from Simon Cowell killed me inside. I couldn't get the shit he had said to me out of my head. It drove me deeper into my depression. I wouldn't say that this was Simon's fault. It just added to the addict that I already was.
We were heavily chaperoned, but I would buy vodka and sneak it into the refrigerator on the bottom floor. If I wasn't too exhausted, I'd have one or two drinks.
We feel a bit sorry for her, seeing as how she was on the first season of the show and had no idea how brutal Simon can be — but then we rewatched one of her performances, and we have to agree she has no business singing. Sorry, Nik. (Clip — featuring a baby Seacrest! — after the jump.)
Every week, a bunch of “real” people say really stupid things on reality TV. These are their stories.
10. "I thought my [outfit] was more grammatically correct for the occasion." — Sinsu, Paris Hilton's My New BFF
For all five of you who stopped watching Sarah Palin destroy our country long enough to catch the season finale of Making the Band, let's discuss. Diddy kicked out both Aubrey O'Day and D. Woods, leaving only three sad members (Aundrea, Dawn and Shannon) who looked like someone shot their puppy.
Your reality TV-loving associate editor, Whitney, attended the live taping and got some inside scoop on exactly what went down in Diddy Land (unfortunately, Puff Diddles was too busy cavorting in his Miami hotel room to join the rest of his minions at the MTV studios). Spoiler alert: There was more bitchassness than should be allowed. CONTINUED »
The Hills frenemies Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag were spotted hugging last night at a Los Angeles restaurant, sending the staffers at Us Weekly into an "OMG they're totally friends again!" frenzy.
Conrad was in the restaurant celebrating her runway show at Los Angeles fashion week with family and close friends. Meanwhile Montag and beau Spencer Pratt were at the bar eating dinner.
After spotting Conrad, Montag was seen asking if she could congratulate Conrad on her clothing line. And after a brief heart to heart, the two girls were seen hugging. They were both smiling and seemed happy to be talking.
Wait, that was it? There was no big public declaration of friendship? No tears? No press releases? We'd call what just happened maturity. Not the same as a reconciliation.
Side note: Remember when Heidi used to look like that?
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Every week, a bunch of “real” people say really stupid things on reality TV. These are their stories.
10. "Wanna know why I have on a hood today? Why I'm so theatrical? Because your photo shoot was theatrical — at the awards ceremony for the Fiercees. So for this judging I decided to be Little Black Riding Hood." — Tyra, America's Next Top Model
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