ANOTHER ANOTHER 'PLANET OF THE APES' IN THE WORKS "…right now, in the halls of Fox, there is another new version of Planet of the Apes that has been kicking around for the last year. It's not a sequel to the Burton film, and it's not another remake of the original. To the general audience it's a prequel to Planet of the Apes, but for the initiated it's something totally different. It's a remake of Conquest of the Planet of the Apes. Yup. It's the story of Caesar, the ape who said no, the first ape with speech who started the events that led to a world where monkeys were on top and humans were dumb beasts."

A fast-tracked remake of 1987's Robocop has been set for release in 2010. In anticipation, a good friend of ours today sought out out the original Robocop, which he had never seen; here are his thoughts:

• "was it supposed to be laughable?"
• "I started cracking up when the dude got blown away in the board room"
• "the dad from that 70s show is the villain"
• "lots of swearing too."

Wonder if the new version will be able to coax out similarly delighted reactions!

The CW's unwillingness to screen its Beverly Hills 90210 remake pretty much confirms exactly what you'd assumed but had hoped would be incorrect: the show's going to be worse than Dylan McKay's childhood. Rest easy for now, Gossip Girl.

And another one.

Thought the Monster Squad remake was sacrilege? Get a load of this: MGM, the studio that brought you Barbershop 2, is reimagining 80s cult classic Valley Girl as a musical, melding the story's original punk-meets-square narrative with classic New Wave hits.

Pour out a little Bartles & Jaymes; the 80s are dead.

The assault on my childhood continues! First, twas the Smurfs, then Fraggle Rock, now those Hollywood bastards are planning a remake of The Monster Squad, one of the greatest B-movies to skateboard out of the 80s.

…Rob Cohen, director of Universal's upcoming The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor … revealed some interesting news about Fred Dekker's classic '87 movie. Cohen [says] that Paramount Pictures has acquired the remake rights to Monster Squad, which followed a group of kids hunting down Dracula and his minions who are attempting to take over the world. Cohen also reveals that he is planning to produce the remake, but does not intend on directing.

I swear to God, if Zac Efron gets his hair product anywhere near this freakin' probable abomination, I will write a very discourteous letter to whomever is in charge.

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OF ALL THE MOVIES IN ALL THE WORLD … " … Madonna has stunned the movie industry with plans to remake Casablanca – and this time set it in Iraq. The singer, whose previous film career has been littered with critical and commercial turkeys, is also planning to take the lead role of Ilsa Lund, which originally made a star of Ingrid Bergman. A source at a major Hollywood studio that was recently approached by the 49-year-old star said: 'She is still determined to make it in the movies.'"